The only love piece I'll ever write |
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 Sep 16 2004, 04:24 PM
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#1
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 Will write poetry for sex!  Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600  |
I don't usually write things about love...Here we go...
--- Is This Goodbye? The piercing cold air didn't help my already heavy heart as I walked her towards the door. We both fell silent, a drastic change from the earlier laughter, joy and even serene, passionate whispers we continuously blanketed one another under. It was but a few minutes after the countless moments of happiness, and I was already playing it all back through my mind, each frame, each emotion felt, surrounding me as I swam in a sea of nostalgic ecstacy. Our soft footsteps echoed through the driveway, beckoning feelings of sorrow, anger, and disbelief to overwhelm us. Our pace suddenly fell heavy, slow. We both knew the end of it all was but a few feet away. Our profound, strong love (as we had come to believe it as) was going to be cut short. The mere thought threw us into a pit of complete loss and despair, and here it was, a few inches before our faces. We stood in front of the door, embracing each other, our arms wrapped around tightly, as we silently gazed into the opposite set of sorrowful eyes. "I'll miss you" was all I managed to whisper. Other small, sweet words were exchanged, but they were nothing compared to the feelings flowing through me. To cut off any moments where an emotional outburst would set off the tears, I soon decided to say a few last words, a goodbye, and then part. She caught my arm, begging me to stay. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry", I argued. But that's how it ended. Both of us under the ever-so-watchful stars, kissing under the thick milky-black blanket of midnight sky, our tears streaming down our faces and the warm heavy breathing between us releasing our goodbyes. I couldn't believe I lost her. The girl of my dreams. |
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Sep 16 2004, 04:42 PM
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#2
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
awww very touching.. i say you should keep writing =P
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Sep 16 2004, 04:52 PM
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#3
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Thanks dude, I will...I just steer away from love and stuff. I usually write darker pieces. I have a piece that relates a lot to your comments about friends in your sig and whatnot. I've posted it before...Click here
Check it out if you'd like...I'll be glad if you can relate to it... |
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Sep 16 2004, 05:17 PM
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#4
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
i can so relate to your other one man gj!!
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Sep 22 2004, 02:25 PM
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#5
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
No, you didn't lose her...
I'm right here, silly! 
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Sep 22 2004, 02:32 PM
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#6
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
QUOTE(omg_melface @ Sep 22 2004, 2:25 PM) No, you didn't lose her... I'm right here, silly! Then you better not go anywhere. |
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Sep 22 2004, 02:33 PM
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#7
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
QUOTE(MasteRxKiD @ Sep 22 2004, 1:32 PM) Then you better not go anywhere. I don't plan on it, love.
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Sep 24 2004, 05:07 PM
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#8
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
good stuff master now im calling u the master of writing taking it to consideration i like ur helpful advice on essay writing so thnx and good poem
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Sep 24 2004, 05:23 PM
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#9
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Haha, Thanks, I'll do my best for anyone who needs help with their writing.
For now, Partly as a joke, I'll take up that title. <--Look at member title. 
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Sep 24 2004, 05:26 PM
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#10
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
yes master is truely the master!!
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Sep 24 2004, 10:16 PM
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#11
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Haha, Thanks...You know what, If anyone needs their work to be looked over with an honest opinion or needs for it to be edited, I'll gladly give up any of my time to help.
<--Ex chief editor/Opinion editor for Journaliasm in high school, and uh, many years in poetry/readings... If any doubt my credibility. |
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Sep 25 2004, 11:42 AM
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#12
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
HAHA i never did take any writing classes like journalism or anything... i just want to free write =P
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Sep 25 2004, 12:35 PM
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#13
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Same here, But I took it cause I'm interested with all things that have to deal with writing.
I don't let anything get in the way of my writing. |
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Oct 2 2004, 11:21 PM
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#14
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Member Group: Member Posts: 12 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 30,969 |
that's really good writing
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Oct 3 2004, 12:29 AM
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#15
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Thanks, it's not my usual, since it's so straight-forward. This one's actually a story. I don't usually do it, but...Meh.
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Oct 5 2004, 12:46 AM
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#16
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 Can't have the hand without the cock. Group: Member Posts: 2,481 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,622 |
QUOTE(rainnydaiis @ Sep 16 2004, 4:42 PM) awww very touching.. i say you should keep writing =P
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Oct 5 2004, 01:57 AM
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#17
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Haha, I'm glad you second that.
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Oct 13 2004, 07:42 PM
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#18
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 wanderlust personified. Group: Official Designer Posts: 7,515 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 797 |
This one really touched me because I recently went through a similar situation when my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I split. Every sentence, every word, created this odd feeling in my chest, like my heart was falling into my stomach. Your writing is powerful.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. |
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Oct 13 2004, 07:52 PM
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#19
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Wow, for someone to say that my writing is powerful is quite an honor...
I'm glad that you can relate and be touched by my writing. I'm sorry you had that feeling...I'm sure it's almost the same feeling as your heart feeling stuck in your throat. Thanks, but that was a long time ago. I have Mel now. 
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Oct 14 2004, 12:12 PM
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#20
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 Indie Fairy Group: Member Posts: 99 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,135 |
This was great. You must really love her.
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Oct 14 2004, 01:29 PM
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#21
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Yeah, I loved the girl.
But that was a long time ago. |
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Oct 14 2004, 01:32 PM
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#22
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 Maggot Rocker Group: Member Posts: 396 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,016 |
That is very touching...Nice job.
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Oct 14 2004, 05:29 PM
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#23
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Thanks...
You know, the last two lines were really just put there by me in order to give it a strong finish. |
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Oct 14 2004, 05:30 PM
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#24
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Maggot Rocker Group: Member Posts: 396 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,016 |
Oh? thats cool.
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| *Azarel* |
Jan 18 2006, 01:32 AM
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#25
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Guest |
I doubt you'll ever read this, but I think this this piece would've been better without the last two lines. They're so cliche, and I feel they take away from the story. I especially love the imagery describing the sky in the end, though.
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