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Ask Alice!
AskAlice
post Dec 20 2007, 08:20 AM
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I'm Alice and I am here to answer your questions. Many of you are in your formative years and are in need of some guidance, may it be in relationships, school, work, family, whatever! So, I'm sure you guys want to get started. To send in a question, please e-mail askalicecb@gmail.com. You can use an anonymous e-mail from one of those websites if you feel that your problem is of a high magnitude. I will answer as many as I can, but if there is a high volume, I may not get to them all. I apologize in advance for this.

Please e-mail so I can get started! Yay!
 
AskAlice
post Jan 28 2008, 11:32 PM
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Yay! First message!

QUOTE
Hey ALice.

I broke up with my ex-bf last august. And so we went a while without talking and everything. and then he messages me and says he needs me. So i give him another chance and i start talking to him and everything. and he promises he'll be my friend and be there for me. And then today he just calls me and says f**k you leave me alone and don't talk me. I don't know what to do. i want to get over him so bad. I was over him, but he said that and it just hurt so bad. And right now i just found out his girlfriend (whose cheated on him) is over at his house. I don't know if he's saying it b/c she's over there or what. i don't know what to think. He said he needed me and would be there for me. I don't know if i should just forget him. Or try to give him another chance if he tries.


First of all, it's obvious that this guy does not care about you. He just wants someone and he can see that you're not over him and vulnerable enough to give in whenever he says he wants you back. This kind of relationship is not healthy. Many, many girls stay in relationships simply because it's familiar and they want to be with someone and feel secure. Trust me, you would feel so much better and much more secure if you weren't always wondering whether or not he's on the same page as you. It doesn't sound like he is mature enough to be in a steady relationship and it doesn't sound like you are strong enough to be picky and make sure that the guy you have is the right guy for you, and only you. If I were in the situation, from what you've told me, I would definitely just halt all communication with the guy. That's the only way to get over anyone. You can't keep giving in. However, only you know the whole story, and you can make that decision yourself. Remember, though, that you must keep your ground and not give in. You will definitely not get over him if you keep talking to him and indulging him.
 
AskAlice
post Jan 28 2008, 11:42 PM
Post #3


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QUOTE
Sorry for bothering you with this, but i just don't know what to do. It's a little petty problem, but i feel lost.

It's one of those "i like a boy" type of thing, just warning you.

Yes, i like someone, but my problem is just me. I don't know how to react towards him. The simplest answer is to just be myself, i know that. It's just that whenever i get near him, i act so stupid. I'm tongue-tied. However, if i practice my words, i get all hyped up and start freaking out. I really want to be this guy's friend, but it's just that i don't know how; i already messed up about a million times. He probably thinks i'm some creepy girl, and well......ugh.

I've always said to myself, "Just go for it," but i end up messing up anyway.

Mainly, my problem is: "How can i be normal to him?"

I act like he's just some guy? Well, that's kind of hard because I'm a shy type of person that acts mean to my normal guy friends. The ones i'm just acquainted, i don't talk to unless it's something about school. But i have no classes with the guy i like!

One reason i'm not giving up on this guy is that last year, i sort of went after him. And well, i was still in my "immature, kiddish" middle school-minded days (no, i'm a sophmore) and was very much pressured by my friends to go for him. Well, i ended up thinking things like, "I'm too young, i think i'll wait until my true love sweeps me off my feet."

Well, i am now regretting it. Very very much regretting it. I just can't explain why him. Lust probably. But that's why i want to get to know him! I want to decide if he's worth multiple failures if it means winning him over.

One thought that keeps me going is "you'll never know." So i don't plan on giving up on him anytime soon.

Sorry for wasting your time reading this, i just wanted to tell someone about this. I love my friends, but i just feel too embarrassed to tell them about this.

Whether or not you can help doesn't really matter. If you can give me advice, it would be very much appreciated. But You don't have to help me.

I'd just like to thank you for listening to my story is all, even if it is pathetic.


Never feel sorry for e-mailing your problems! That's what I'm here for. _smile.gif

I have a lot of problems addressing guys myself. I always said that I would never tell a guy I liked him first, or let him even know, and I let a lot of great opportunities go because of that. Over the years, especially more recently (since I've actually had some success), I've found that the best way to get to know a guy is to hang out with him in groups. Conversation is so much less forced and so much more natural when you are around other people that you know well and are comfortable with. Is he friends with any of your friends? Do you guys go to the same parties? Social settings just make words flow much easier than one-on-one, at least until you're more comfortable around him.

That being said, you should never rehearse your words. That only makes you more nervous, like giving a speech in front of a class. Not many people are enjoying themselves when they are forced to do that, and rehearsing your words for this guy is forcing you to talk to him. I know it's hard to be yourself, but being giggly and nervous when talking to him lets him get to know you a lot better than some sort of script in your head would. You want him to like you for you, not the "good" you that you want him to see.

Also, what do you like about him? Do you share some common interests? Music, movies, books, politics, and television are great starting points for conversation. Even if you don't agree that a certain band is the greatest in the world or if this movie is really boring and has horrible acting, at least you'll get some dialogue going and the fact that you have an opinion and are passionate could be quite impressive.

Just keep on truckin'! It won't happen overnight.
 
Tung
post Jan 28 2008, 11:45 PM
Post #4


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What the f**k happened to the message I sent you? That's f**kken discrimination shit cuz I'm asian? That's messed man!
 
AskAlice
post Jan 28 2008, 11:46 PM
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QUOTE
I was wondering if you could give me some advice..
I met this guy a while ago we have been together for 5 months and we love eachother but theres one thing in the way of our relationship.. he's leaving for the airforce this april. and we've talked about it not in depth tho.. he says he wants to stay together and hope for the best its a six year contract but you never know he might not like it and wanna come home. Im not the kind of person that needs someone by thier side to be complete.. I just am lost and want to stay with him without a doubt i seriously have been in alot of relationships 2 other serious ones.. and somehow i think that im gunna marry this one someday. We have so much fun together we are best friends.
I would just like someone elses oppinion. Thank you alice.
Much love ally x


Long distance relationships can be very, very difficult to keep. People change over time, and when you don't see eachother or talk to eachother as often as you like, it's easy for two people to drift apart. Six years is a really long time. However, if both of you are really committed to staying together, it can work. You have to keep constant communication going. He will have leaves where he can come home and see you, but it won't happen a lot. You guys will both have to work really hard to keep the relationship strong enough to endure the distance. If it can't work, then it can't work. It's not something you can force and some people are just better with relationships that are close.
 
AskAlice
post Jan 28 2008, 11:48 PM
Post #6


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QUOTE(tungmyBANANA @ Jan 28 2008, 10:45 PM) *
What the f**k happened to the message I sent you? That's f**kken discrimination shit cuz I'm asian? That's messed man!


Well, I do discriminate against messages that are jokes.
 
AskAlice
post Jan 29 2008, 08:15 PM
Post #7


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:)

QUOTE
I'm having an erectile dysfunction. It seems every time I have sex lately, I haven't cum as much as I use to, say a couple months ago or in the past. It's about 1/3 as much. Even if I haven't had sex for a long period of time, or haven't masturbated, I still seem to have less cum, come out. Do you think it's the nutrients I'm not eating? Or do I really have some kind of erectile dysfunction.


The amount of fluid that exits the body is completely dependent on the person. Your diet and genetics both affect that. Erectile dysfunction would mean that you would have a problem "getting it up" so to speak. It also depends what you consider "a long period of time." Usually, a week and a half will get a man back up to full capacity. You may just have less in general at this period in your life. See your local doctor.
 
AskAlice
post Apr 15 2008, 06:19 PM
Post #8


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QUOTE
well i just went thourgh one of my hardest break-ups ever. i have too see him everday. and he is mena to me at times. sometimes he fools around with me is that i sign that he still likes me. and the only time that he is nice to me is if he ever needs me to help him with something


I'm sorry to be blunt with this, but him fooling around with you is not a sign that he likes you. It sounds like he's using you. Anyone deserves more than that. My advice to you is to avoid him as much as you can and to definitely stop talking to him so it will be easier for you to recover. Don't let him use you to fulfill any desires of his own; if he wants that from you, he can treat you like a real man.

QUOTE
Hey Alice.

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for awhile now. Things are going great and it's getting to the point in our relationship where he want's to have sex. Im not a virgin, so this isn't a really big deal to me. But the last time i had sex was a really long time ago, and now i'm really insecure about my body. Don't get me wrong, i want to have sex with him- Can't control hormones, right? But i'm extremely self concious about my body and being seen naked. What can i do?


Why are you so self-conscious? If you two have been dating for a long time and trust each other, this shouldn't be an issue. Are you scared because you think he's better-looking than you? Because you think he might want someone else? If time is invested in an emotional connection, not only will your body type not matter to him, but he'll probably think it's beautiful either way. The better you get to know someone, the more you accept their physical traits. I bet that if you do decide to have sex, it will make you feel even better about your body. That's what love is. Don't be ashamed to share yourself with him (if you really want to -- I wouldn't try to persuade you into doing something you don't want to). Sex is one way to show love for one another if that love is there, so don't let petty insecurities stop you from sharing that with him.
 
AskAlice
post Apr 29 2008, 11:37 PM
Post #9


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QUOTE
dear alice,

my boyfriend says my c**t smells like shit and refuses to put his mouth there when he makes me give him blowjobs all the f**king time. what gives? should i dump him? or bite him next time i go down on him?

love,
all-give-no-receive


Rather vulgar language, but OK.

That is an unfair situation going on, but you must consider his concerns here. How often do you wash yourself down there? Daily showers, make sure we're getting soap where it needs to be? If you're washing it out every day, it shouldn't be a problem. However, if there are still some odors coming from it after thorough washing, I would see a doctor about getting something to help you with that.

I wouldn't bite him; it's not exactly his fault.
 

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