Me, through my own eyes... Options

[melface]

An essay I had to do for Sociology... I did it all casual.. and I thought it was hilarious... I hope he doesn't think it's a little too casual... but it's who I am... It's my voice coming through my writing... Okay, here it goes.


Me, through my own eyes…


Many people find themselves wanting to learn more about themselves… and who they are; they often try to “find themselves” because of this. I, myself, am one of them… yet, I believe I know myself pretty well for being 17 years young. So, let us take some time to dive into Melissa’s self image.
Before observing me inside-out… Let’s start with the “out”… Physically, I am pretty unhappy with myself. But this may be because of my own family’s opinions of me. Overall, I know I’m beautiful… as should everyone else believe about whom they are on a physical note; cliché, I know, but it’s true. I might have to say my best feature would be my face, everything else I do not have a care for… I could change it... but I’m lazy. My hair, is another one of those things I may be a bit proud of… although, at times, it may have a mind of its own and take on a new style; a bad style, at that. I get a bit angry when someone decides to lecture me on my physical appearance… Not the way I carry myself… but my actual body. I didn’t think that it would be that difficult to understand that different people have different body types, but mine may not be the ideal… but this does not mean that I should be put down. Sure, they may only be caring about my health, yet, I am healthy, I know… and their true intention is to try to make me change myself for their own pleasure not really my health. That’s something I will definitely not do… if I want something that badly, for myself, I would do it. I don’t think it’s to that point, yet.
I often times find myself wondering about things… bizarre things. Mentally, I consider myself to be different. But who am I to say? Because I, also, do not know what others are thinking. Yet, I suppose that since the things I think about are so out of this world that no one else in their right mind would do the same. Anyway, I’m more of a left-brained person… but I’m trying to make myself become more of the right. I wish to create a happy balance in between the two. I believe that this way, I’ll be more of a well-rounded person by being able to relate to all sorts of people on two ends of a spectrum. This adds to the diversity that I love so much and wish to experience throughout my life. With some of the things I think about… I realize that I do need some sort of help; because these things are not normal. I think I’ll leave that at an open end.
Sometimes I get carried away with my own emotions. I am a very emotional person… sensitive. I get hurt very easily… and I’m not a strong person, at all. I’ve learned to put my emotions out by writing poetry or some short stories, in which I create a new character with a different life than what others may see as normal… someone with problems and I show how they overcome or… escape them. I’m dependent on others, which I know isn’t a good thing… it’s just something I need to improve on… because if I’m not independent… How am I going to end up in my life? Where am I going to go or do? One thing I deeply fear in life is being lonely. I see loneliness and being alone as two different things… I actually enjoy being alone sometimes… yet, when it gets to the point where you’re lonely… That is no fun way to live your life and it’s also pathetic.
A lot of people put so much time into worshipping their god and into going to church. I used to be Catholic… and I occasionally attend a Christian church with my father… But, I do not necessarily believe the bible. Some of the things in it are so far-fetched for me to believe. Also, if I put so much time as most church-goers do… I think it will take away from the time I will have to experience my life… To me, it only creates boundaries. I don’t really believe in the thought of “heaven” and “hell”; how are we supposed to know what is true? And with so many different religions how are we to know which is the correct religion? What if I practice the wrong religion and the other religion is the right one? With these questions, I ask myself why even bother since it will just go in circles…
At the end of July this upcoming summer… I will be turning 18… At that point in my life, I will be forced to be a bit more independent… I plan on moving to Los Angeles. For at least a couple of months I will be experiencing a new environment; something I’ve wanted for so long. I believe I will be happy doing this, but I’m still not sure if I will be attending college. Although it would be nice so everyone will just get off my back about it. But, I still do not see the point of following what society has set down for you. College isn’t the only way someone will be successful in life and most often, people go to college to make money and live a luxurious life with their expensive house, car, and clothing. Money isn’t everything, I’ve realized… For the longest time I wanted to be a psychologist. Still, that is one of the things I have planned to major in if I do end up in college. Yet, as wrong is it may sound, I’d much rather be a housewife or a stay at home mom. I guess this appeals to me most because it seems like the easiest way out of life… the easiest way to still feel secure and still be happy.
When I pass… whether it is to heaven or hell, be reborn as an animal, or just into a black hole of nothingness… I hope my legacy to be individuality. I see setting yourself apart from the norm very important. Who wants to be just another one of the clones with their trends and fads, facade and fakeness… washed away in a never-ending and never changing crowd of similarities?