createblog diary, v.5 Options

[yummy_delight]

Dear CB Diary:

I got a 5!!!! I can't believe it! I am ecstatic!!!

or WAS. I found out he can't come. Why am I so disappointed? I don't think I've got feelings for him... but I could just be kidding myself again.

Ah well... it's better than being in love with the other him.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

dear cB diary,

what the HELL. why am i jealous ? i shouldnt even care. but im tired of it, tired of always having to wipe away my own tears after lending out my own shoulders. this is f**king stupid why am i acting liek a such a little bitch.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

i'm happy again. wow. my life sucks, rocks, sucks, and rocks...its just a constant rollercoaster mind you...you would've thought i've figured that out by now eh? meh. whatever. i'm currently absolutely obsessed with that animation series thing "there she is!" haha. watched it repeatedly in the last days, made a new desktop bg, avatar, and banner...and downloaded the songs too. hahaha oh man. what fun. but yeh...i've enjoyed talking to him so much in the last few days...i just feel so...free and at ease now. and soo freaking happy. its funny really. the things he says, even all the tiny and simple things, they just all make me so damn happy and it feels so very good. like i translated "hoy te amo" for him (it was the title of this animation) and i told him that it meant "today i love you" and i added "not just today" and the fact that it made him all excited made me so damn excited too...because i know that he feels the same. he then said "8 months...thats all i gotta say." ahh...and he's not the type to just say stuff unless he means it...sigh. then he said that thing about "the love of my life"...ahh. godamn i've fallen hard. i hope this all works out.

i'm just scared of the future, even though it'll be good but...there's all the bad things that come with the good y'know? i know once its "official" and people start hearing that i'll never heard the end of it...augh. i know it. sigh...oh well. he's worth it all.

46 days...almost 45. i can't wait. ilu.

[xldubaliciousx]

Dear cB Diary:

I guess you really can't force things sometimes.. No matter how much you wish you could. Maybe if I just don't hang out, I'll save myself the uncomfortable-ness of these situations. But then I'll feel like I'm missing out. I'm just getting worse. Mmm.

<33

[Looow]

Dear cB Diary,

I am a weird girl, a mystery..

I want to flyyyy awayyy from everything..

<3 Lorena

[yukichan]

dear cB diary...
wow...never wrote in here for a while...its nice to be back with ppl from createblog..i never thought i would miss it that much..

ahhh..kind of over him..i know i cant do anything about it anymore...all i can do is move on..its to late to start a relationship..

things have really got better..before was real bad..im glad things got better...hmmm...

i guess thats it..
--Nancy--

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
4 days.
Just four more days.

[*Azarel*]

I got a 5!!!! I can't believe it! I am ecstatic!!!

Congrats, what subject?

-----

Dear createBlog Diary,

I need to grow up, as does everyone else. Ugh. And I still wonder why I stick around. Drama and conflict is just too addicting, I suppose. But I should know better than this. Apparently not.

And I'm so attached, moreso than I originally thought. I'd become so used to talking with Justin on a daily basis that when I missed it yesterday, my day felt so.. incomplete and I felt empty. I need need need him. Rawrrr. <3

I need a nap.

-Me.

[silver-rain]

Dear cb diary,
So AP scores came in today? Meh, I don't particularly want mine.... I just know that I did horribly. And ugh my parents are bothering me so much. Yes, I understand that I must get a good score on the SAT to go to a good college, yes I know I didn't do as they hoped, that I'm not smart enough to get into my dream school. But do they have to keep rubbing it in? Eugh...
Meh, today's episode after swimming was weird. What happened to me? And my lost umbrella, ugh.
It's been a week since I last saw him. Man, I miss him so much, I suppose we'll just have to wait till my mom leaves for China.

[inthemudhole]

Hey.

Not much to say today.
I'm kind of happy, but also very mad at myself.

Happy -- My copy of MFKR came today. <3 I absolutely ADORE it. It's amazing. It was definitely worth the five years of waiting. (It's a rare album, that's why I had to wait so long.)

Mad -- I f**ked up. Instead of progressing to eighteen days, I'm back down to zero. Oh well. I will just keep trying, I guess. You can't always succeed the first time...

All for now. See ya.

Dogfish rising,

Brie

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary--
Where the hell are my A.P. scores? I hope I do not have to call them. They charge a lot per minute. But, alas, I will probably have to.

--Teesa

[*suddenly she*]

dearcbdiary.

excerpt from xanga entry today, inspired by the previous one.
"Sorry to all of you, but I'm pretty frickin' sick of holding every single thought and opinion I have in. I hate how I have to sugarcoat and mutilate what I believe until the society accepts it. I'm sick of living for the few people I care about. I'm sick of dependency. I'm sick of pretending to be a joker, I'm sick of only being called a friend because I entertain you, and I'm sick of holding up some wall that represents my laughing self. I want to put it down, but I can't, because there's nobody behind it. I don't have a personality. I'm tired of not being good at anything except the arts and getting negative reactions from people. I hate how I hate nearly everyone I know in some aspect, and I hate how I always seem to focus on it. I hate myself because I don't know how to change. I hate how all my energy comes from these few people that matter to me and everything I hate. I hate not having a reason. I hate being useless. I hate feeling selfish because there's always going to be someone who has it worse than me. I hate being a hypocrite. I hate how I can say that I know all this random stuff about Jesus or whatever, except I still don't know him. What better way is there to know a person like him without dying and meeting him myself? I hate this constant anger that tears apart every single good moment and turns every terrible situation worse. I'm not okay."

and....
i really hope you feel better.

please don't be sad all the time. i understand what you are going through. the only thing i can say for you to do is turn to God. i know you don't want to get religious about it, but it's the only way. you know it.

anyways, i'll see you tomorrow! i'm glad you listened to the CD! and I'm totally going to beat you in the coloring contest!

-ryan

that really made me cry. because he's amazing.
what's more, he's definitely going to beat me in the coloring contest because i left my paper at church. that's three hours of blending and blending and blending a lion's mane down the drain. i'm so bummed.. man.

the day kinda sucked, except for a couple of comments some awesome people left. i stayed in the piano room for the majority of the closing ceremony. i stole a knife from the kitchen and pressed it in. i couldn't do it, because i promised jaclyn, but the imprint stayed on for a long time.. hopefully nobody noticed. ryan came in looking for me in the middle of the ceremony and tried to cheer me up. mitchell came in right after he did and scared him off though.

there's more to kevin than meets the eye. definitely.

i think grace is mad at me. stephanie is, because i'm selfish with my music. oops. no matter, i haven't exactly been thinking the best of her since themiddle of 7th grade.

okay, actually it does matter, but i don't want it to. after all, verna (her "twin") says i shouldn't care about society and what it thinks. she's a perfect example of what society is.

what can i say. i get along better with guys.
i'm miserable. but i can stay here another day. i can't wait to talk to him in person again.

i wish i could be happy. i don't think i remember what it's like, though i'm pretty sure i was a couple days ago.

ruth

[happy endings]

dear createblog diary....


i just feel like writing right now..

anyways, i got punched in the stomach today.. really hard. i know it was a TOTAL ACCIDENT.. but i got SOOOO MAD. he was apologizing like crazy but all i did was hit him back. geez. what's wrong with me. i think it's because i never liked him in the first place, this just made it SOOOO much worse. i think i should... 'forgive' him.. but i just can't let myself do that, too stubborn i suppose. i know if it were someone else i wouldn't have been so mad about it.


yes. that's all.

- me

[miss barnes]

Dear CB Diary,

We Are Finally A Couple But, Now..Hows It Going To Work?

-RiKA

[*jooleeah*]

Dear CB diary,
3 days.
Oh my god. Why am I so excited?

[yummy_delight]

Dear cB diary:

My parents were really happy about my AP Bio test score. They've been calling me "genius". I can't pretend that I don't enjoy it.

Amanda's back for a bit. There's a little get together at Mission Pizza tomorrow. Should I go? I don't even know. It's pretty sad really. I've been so deprived of fun human contact that I'll stoop so low as to go to a party for a person I don't even really like that much.

I'm addicted to cB.... officially.

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog Diary,

I just realized how scary it would be for some people that I know in real life to find what I write on this site. Especially about certain people. Meh. Oh well. Feelings toward them have changed anyway, so confrontation about it would be nothing. Take the consequences, no big deal. I'm about done here anyway, maybe. I need a break.

I feel like I'm going to pass out. I don't even eat much anymore, I don't know why. For the past, what's it been? Six years, I've survived off of snacks and dinner. Now, there aren't many snacks anymore. And lately, these past few days, I've been skipping out on dinner. It can't be healthy. It's not. But I can't bring myself to even find the willpower to get up off my ass. I don't want to go through the cabinets looking for food, I don't want to take the time to cook, I don't want to go out and spend money. Ugh. I hate eating.

The past two nights, I've been sleeping a little more. I guess it's good for me, but I wake up so tired, more tired than I did when I went to sleep. It's all fucked up. Sneaking out late at night finally takes its toll. Staying out until morning, and then sleeping a few hours before waking again can't be good for my body either. I feel like I'm wasting away. And I am. It feels like I'm dying.

-Me.

[inthemudhole]

Hey.

I'm quite tired right now. I don't get why I wake up at six in the damn morning every single day, especially when I go to bed at around five in the morning or so. Ooh, goodie. A WHOLE hour of sleep.
I should get more. I would if I could, I guess, but maybe I should stop sneaking around outside and staying up later than I 'should', eh?

Hm... I'm totally obsessed with MFKR. <3
Seriously, when I listen to it, I'm like, "damn, man. I'm listening to a PIECE OF HISTORY right here."
Musical history, yes.
I mean, there are only so many copies, and I now have one after five years of waiting.
That is one thing to be happy about.

I am, however, going back down the path of insanity. I'm not kidding here. I'm going back to how I was during the school year...
No confidence, hardly getting any sleep, not eating, and doing the ever-so destructive things. I don't get it. I hate myself. I'm really mad at myself as well right now. I truly, TRULY hate myself. I'm a horrible human being that doesn't deserve to breathe.

Anyway, on another note, NatSkins is alive... and I love it.

Well, that's all for now... I've whined enough, really.

See ya next time.

-Brie

[maia_dc]

Dear cB diary,

Have you ever gone from hating someone to fooling yourself into loving them... in just one day?

Maybe I'm fickle.
Maybe I'm naiive.
Maybe I'm just really really really wrong.

And I don't want to repeat "The Incident" again. That was more than a year ago, and I'm *still* messed up. Maybe I'm just humilated. Maybe I'm just hurt. But maybe it was all a big f**king mistake I don't want to repeat again.

Act normally. Act normally. Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Wait until you have proof that this is a guy that would treat you right. And not the pimp you think he is.

I'm out.
xoxoxo
<333
Maia

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,

I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.

I'm so confused. There's quite a few people right now that I just can't deal with. Ahh.

[maia_dc]

Dear cB Diary,

Well I guess it's all just because I love to be in love. When I'm not in love, I think about being in love. And it's not like I can change this, it's a part of me. So maybe it's more the idea of him that I'm in love with.

But he's hot. And... he's just... so attractive. I can't help it. I love that. But what makes me scared is that he's similar in ways to "The Incident." So I guess I just have to wait until Monday. But if I don't see him... will I keep thinking about him? I know I can be cured in just one day. Or fall more in love in that one day.

It's just weird.
And so messed up.

I just don't know what to think anymore. I still have that sinking feeling that I may be repeating "The Incident." But... if *I* change, how can that happen again? I'll just... change myself. I won't be the same person that it all happened to. It didn't even happen to me. It happened to someone else. I just... happen to know every detail. But it wasn't me. That's it.

But if he's a pimp, I just don't give a f**k. I'll be a pimp too. He's not the only one who ppl check out anyway.

xoxo

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
my brother was being a a** today..i seriously wanted to knock him out.. hes so ugh..wow..5 more days..until i officially have lived in the house i am..not to happy...how can i be happy?i left everything behind just to move here...
i dont know, but i feel kind of depressed..i guess the time of the year is the reason...
its really suprising to see who really cares about u..really...i thought ******* would say something, but she didnt..the only ppl hu did were *****, ****, and ****..**** made me laugh with his story about his retainers..i mean it was funny..i guess he could tell how i was feeling..b.c i doubt he would just aim me on purpose to tell me a story about retainers..lol..
guess thats it...
thinking about the retainer story makes me laugh...
laters..
--Nancy--

[funbobby]

Dear diary,
Today I managed to convince the girls locker room that you cant get pregnant on your first time and if your standing up. I also managed to persuade a few that if you think your fat you most likely are, and therefore will never get a boyfriend. Subsequently they also believed the only way to combat this was to stop eating and to sporadically make yourself sick.
Holidays tomorrow, my only hope is that my second part of my plot for world domination is not so easy.
-Rob-

[*lolita kitty*]

OMFG, the past two nights were the best of my life. i told you about going to dixie landin with sage, right?

well we did. it was a crapload of fun. we stayed there till 9 and rode a fww rides. all these high schoolers kept hitting on her, which was hilarious. but then once these short little 10 year olds were hitting on me, i was like "...ok... please go away =]"
man o man o man. we has fries and while we were waiting for them to cook, the guy at the stand looked at us and shouted "...WHO WANTS FREE HOT DOGS???" roflmao. then he asked sage out. wow. :D
anyways, i ended up spending the night at her place, and i got to meet her 17 year old neighboor kyle. he was so cool. we went outside for a minute and talked to him while he was fixing his car. then we went back in and us three + his cousin chatted on aim all night.

at about 2 in the morning, he was like "hey were about to sneak out and go to the gas station 5 mins away, wanna come you two?" so we did. that was AWESOME. we all 4 snuck out of our houses at 2 in the morning and walked for about 10 mins to the gas station right across the street from their houses. he bought me and sage some gum, and we got home safely. we didnt go to bed until 4 that night @___@

then we woke up the next morning at around noon. her parents were at work, so we had the house alone. we got on myspace.neopets.xanga/createblog for awhile. kyle asked if i wanted to go to the movies with him alone that night, and i said that sage had to go, and of course she did. we went around 7 or so and saw drak water together, just the three of us that time. it was so fun :D. i wore sages denim mini skirt, pink kitty shirt, black belt, my pink flip flops, and some mascara and a wristband. the movie ended at about 9, and we went home and stuff. my mom picked me up and that was all. fun two nights, i must say. i wanna go baaaaaack *cries*

i got home at 10 last night, and i just sat on the couch and fell asleep within a minute. but that was cool because i woke up early this morning ans felt all refreshed. ahhh.... those two days were fun...

later loves, i shall write soon. daddy is comin to get us tommorow. 1 daaaaaaaaay, YAY!!!. were goin to florida, then illinois, the oklahoma then back to cali. he said were probably going to san diego also to visit grandpa bloom [YAY!!!]. ok, im tired again. need to take a nap. night/day! ^_^

- cassie

[xldubaliciousx]

Dear cB Diary:

I am such an effing coward sometimes. I don't like being that way.. Ah I don't know why I act so weird. Or maybe I don't act weird.. I just think I am. So freaking paranoid...

<33