Am i pathetic? Stupid?, Wanting an ex boyfriend back. LONG! Options

[HIMsHeartagram]

Hello CreateBlog Users,
This is Vicky. I recently made another post about my relationship. Boyfriend Help It explains how controlling he is/was and yada yada.

Heres the story. I'll say his name is "Adrian". Heh, dont ask.

Well "Adrian" and I went out since Sept 03, 2004, and we broke Feb 02, 2005. There was alot of negative and postive feelings involved. I don't know if you count sex as positive. All i know is that when i "lost it", i "lost it" to guy whom i was madly inlove with, and had no doubt we would break up. After i started being sexually active, Adrian and I would always have sex. He didn't want to be at my house because it was supervised, and he wanted to do it. I couldn't talk to any guys because he thought i was going to break up with him for whoever guy i was talking to, but if i was talking to his guy friends he wouldn't mind except for his best friend, which he thought i really liked. There was just alot of drama, he wanted to be with me alot but he had a band that he didnt go to because he wanted to be with me then so i guess i was comfortable with it, but not completely i insisted him to go but i would get mad, so there was trouble there. There was trouble when it was coming close to our relationship, he would be really mean to me, i admit i would hit him ONLY because he was being a jerk to me, he hit me back in the stomach (once), i didn't care, i was just really suprised by it. Its my fault for the break up because i told him that this one guy was hot and seemed like he would treat girls with respect, so he got mad, and then we had a fight about it, and told him that i really loved him alot. I guess i was being retarded there. Then after that, there was this one girl who wasnt safe walking down the hallway, so i told Adrian that, and he told if i walked with that girl, he would break up with me, so i picked her, and thats when we broke up. I tried talking to him during passing periods, but he wouldnt allow it, and got really frustrated because this guy meant alot to me, but i got to the point where i slapped him really hard, and just went to class crying in tears. Then when lunch came, i practically kicked his ass in front of his friends, and just made a fool of myself. Now that all that happened, i wish badly that it didn't happen, i wish that i can go back and find what went wrong. [Yes he told me that he will always love me if we ever do break up] But it was a different story when his ex called, he told her that he broke up with her to be alone but needed someone, and i was that someone.

I really love this guy, and its really hard for me to go anywhere in my town because im way to scared to see him or his family. i have so much shame and regret in me that its becoming unbareable. Alot of people said that i need to move on, and that im way better without him. His current girlfriend called me a whore, for no apparent reason, i only done it with 1, and hes done it with 2. So i don't know what i exactly need advice on, but i just want to hear your opinions. If you want to see a picture of him, me, and his girlfriend, pm me.