Reflection |
 Jun 14 2005, 07:39 PM
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#1
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 i'm such a sucker sometimes.  Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732  |
A cold and dusty mirror
With its faded, broken glass It holds many tragic secrets And has witnessed my dark past I look at my reflection And don't like what I see A lost and bleeding little girl Staring back at me Her eyes are cold and distant Her face is worn and gray She tries to tell me something But is not sure of what to say A painful silence greets me My blood is running thin I know that I can't help her I'm on the outside looking in Death is coming closer Dark shadows lurking near I quickly soothe my mind with lies And swallow all my fear I look at my reflection And don't like what I see A hollow, empty little girl Crying out to me |
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(1 - 13)
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Jun 14 2005, 09:20 PM
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#2
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682 |
thats really good, i like the flow of it .
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Jun 14 2005, 10:51 PM
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#3
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 Member Group: Member Posts: 15 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 35,979 |
Wow...that is really good. It makes you think. Good job and keep expessing yourself!
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Jun 15 2005, 01:21 PM
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#4
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i'm such a sucker sometimes. Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732 |
^_^ thank you for the replies. that's nice of you to say so.
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| *stephinika* |
Jun 15 2005, 07:22 PM
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#5
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Guest |
i agree, its well written and i love the concept behind it. keep up the great work!
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Jun 17 2005, 11:46 AM
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#6
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 Crying Behind Blind Eyes Group: Member Posts: 257 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 7,967 |
Very good. It's something a little bit of everyone can understand. It's a very skillfully written poem. Keep up the good work.
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Jun 17 2005, 12:34 PM
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#7
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 hi, my name is brianna! =] Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114 |
I really like this poem! (=
Good job. But maybe you should take out the 'with lies' in that line. It sounds like there's just too many words. >< QUOTE I quickly soothe my mind with lies But it's still an awesome poem! <33 |
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Jun 17 2005, 06:06 PM
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#8
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i'm such a sucker sometimes. Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732 |
Hehe thank you. ^_^ And thanks for that advice.
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Jun 17 2005, 09:01 PM
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#9
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I love you <33333 Group: Member Posts: 2,928 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 30,404 |
Your really good. You know how to make words flow. Great poem.
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Jun 19 2005, 01:02 AM
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#10
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE(sweetxsimplicity @ Jun 17 2005, 11:34 AM) I really like this poem! (= Good job. But maybe you should take out the 'with lies' in that line. It sounds like there's just too many words. >< But it's still an awesome poem! <33  I think it should stay. I though that was a good line and if you read it in a certain rhythm it'll fit together better. Great job! Love your word choice and everything. |
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Jun 19 2005, 05:14 PM
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#11
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i'm such a sucker sometimes. Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732 |
Hehe thankies. ^_^ You people make me feel special. And yeah, I used "with lies" to make it flow in a particular rhythm.
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Jun 19 2005, 05:21 PM
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#12
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 353 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 72,749 |
i loved it..i think it's great exactly how it's written =)
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Jun 20 2005, 02:08 PM
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#13
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i'm such a sucker sometimes. Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732 |
^_^ Thank you. All of your comments have certainly made me feel better about my writing.
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| *danielle_x3* |
Jun 23 2005, 09:20 PM
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#14
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Guest |
i love it! keep on writing ^_^
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