what he sent me., problems.. Options

[nothingless]

he mocked me.. which i hate. i won't say what he mocked me about because then i'll just get upset again. i checked my email this morning and i got mail from him, which he never emailed me. we have been going out for 3 months. he called me this morning around 8 am before i checked my email and read that. it was so hard to talk about anything to him. i just felt like i was starring at a brick wall. why can't i just forgive him? yeah so maybe i shed a couple tears reading this, but i still feel awkard when he is going to come over today before work. we fought alot.. but it is just because he says the wrong thing and i end up clamming up. what should i do? i'm not going to break up with him.. just he is graduating in a couple weeks and college for him is coming up. i= junior.. he= senior. and when he says we will be together.. just the thought of college makes me think we will grow apart.
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Jeanna,
You are more important to me than anything else in the world, and I care
about you very much. I am just feeling so horrible about myself for last night,
and every other time I've hurt your feelings. It literally makes me sick to my
stomach to think that I could have hurt someone that I love so much. What I did
last night was probably the stupidest, most terrible thing I could have done,
and I can't express how sorry I am to have hurt you. When I got home last night,
I just felt so shitty and hated myself so much, I just felt like killing myself.
I love you, Jeanna. But I still can't help but wonder why anyone would still
want to be with me after all the times I've f**ked things up. It worries me so
much, the thought of losing you, that I couldn't even sleep last night. I
promised you I would never ever leave you, and I plan on sticking to that, but I
just can't believe, after all the things that I've done to hurt your feelings,
that you wouldn't want to leave me.
Last night, you said that you weren't a "special person" and that there were
millions of other girls I could be with. But that's just not true. You ARE
special, Jeanna, and I can't even begin to imagine being with anyone else but
you, ever. Since day 1, you've surrounded my entire life. Even before we started
dating, all I could think about was the next time I would get to see you.
Thinking about times on Nate's couch, and showing up at your house randomly, I
just wish that things were still so perfect. All these fights lately, all my
fault. It must be very hard for you to forgive me after so many screw-ups, but I
hope you will find it in yourself to do so. I'm going to change, Jeanna, I
promise you.

I love you so much,
Matt