the saturday, and those of past Options

[RiddleMeWonders]

I’ve lain in this bed for hours on end
Counting an infinite amount of ways I could change
Contemplating satisfying the insatiable
Tugging near the back of my mind to walk outside;
An urge to witness nature by other means than that of window
Or TV screen.
I turn it over and over in my head - inside and out
By the time I’ve made the decision that it’s worth it
To get up out of my dark childishly decorated sanctuary
It's too dark out.
My backyard is just a few steps away from
pedophiles, and murderers sleeping in their homes
Or so I think
They could be blaring their trombones of restlessness
For all I know
Sometimes I go anyway, out the back gate.

A couple of jogs around the block
The moon making me look even whiter than I am
Jacket hugging my body
Street lights humming behind me
I reach the asbestos-contaminated abandoned school
Where I used to climb up to the roof

And whistle at my brother and sister because they couldn't
Reach the pipes to come up too.
I had coloring books hidden in vents that are still there
Where I used to amateurishly color in the lines
Singing my song, sung to me by my mom
“You are my sunshine”
Then I’d climb back down and go back home
To chicken noodle soup
Not fillet mignonne
But tonight it is cold and I can see my breath on the air
While warming my hands in my pockets
I stare up at the building condemned to flea market shopping,
In the old gym of it
Where I told a story to every kid
Who would listen
That Coach Griffin was murdered
By my preschool teacher Ms. Mitchell
And that was why our favorite hide out up on the roof was available
Not because the restrooms were outside
And the teachers had gotten sick with mosquito bites
And asbestosis
What lies I could tell to make them believe
That something so exciting had happened where we live
I stood there an hour thinking about the days
Wishing I could go back
And relive my life a different way
So I wouldn’t be burning with the results of my mistakes
I’m sixteen
Why am I feeling the way I am?

I need to get over it and do what I can.
A car pulled up and I took off
I came back here and I laid down
So I could do it all over again
This cycle spins round.