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 May 1 2005, 12:27 PM
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 hi, my name is brianna! =]  Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114  |
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice d a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here. CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampon s for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." WORDS A husband read an article t! o his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you sho uld do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS" Yeah..these are only jokes, I don't mean to be sexist or anything. =x |
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(1 - 18)
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May 1 2005, 01:11 PM
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 ♥ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,066 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,393 |
HOLY...
*Falls over* Dude. The cigarettes and tampons one... wow. And the one about the waxing/spider. That's so true. I don't even understand, but I do the same thing. Funny! Thanks, needed the laugh 
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May 1 2005, 03:30 PM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,881 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 132,134 |
LMAO; the one wid husband vs wife that was funny (=
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May 1 2005, 04:54 PM
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#4
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 224 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 129,180 |
LOLs. some of them made me laugh for awhile. (=
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May 1 2005, 11:26 PM
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#5
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 913 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 101,212 |
Wow, ha ha, these are funny.
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May 1 2005, 11:35 PM
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#6
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 :hammer: Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,849 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 7,700 |
Haha.. women are smart..
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May 1 2005, 11:55 PM
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#7
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 You can call me Jon Group: Duplicate Posts: 878 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,806 |
Creation: Oh man. That was classic.
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May 2 2005, 12:06 AM
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#8
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 BANNED Group: Member Posts: 2,419 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 14,387 |
QUOTE(sweetxsimplicity @ May 1 2005, 10:27 AM) WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." HAHA! Love it.
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| *mzkandi* |
May 2 2005, 12:21 AM
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Guest |
This is by far one of my favorites in the humor section. classic.
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May 2 2005, 01:07 AM
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#10
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</3 Group: Member Posts: 346 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 84,729 |
LOL!these jokes are funny
 !!thanks for posting :D
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May 2 2005, 05:14 PM
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#11
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 ^_^ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,141 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,466 |
Hell, this should be pinned,
Cigarettes and Tampons...
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| *iNyCxShoRT* |
May 3 2005, 06:57 PM
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Guest |
AHAHA i loved it lols nice one that made my day.
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May 3 2005, 08:28 PM
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#13
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,220 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 81,808 |
QUOTE CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampon s for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you sho uld do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS" LMAO HAHAHAHAHA
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| *chaneun* |
May 3 2005, 08:38 PM
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Ha, I love Girl talk jokes.
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| *mona lisa* |
May 5 2005, 07:42 PM
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Whoa. Haha, I absolutely love these. Except I don't get the last one.
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May 6 2005, 12:09 AM
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#16
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 rwar (; Group: Member Posts: 590 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 103,308 |
hahahah, very cute jokes (;
QUOTE Whoa. Haha, I absolutely love these. Except I don't get the last one. hebrews as in.. he brews the coffee? im guessing lols. |
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May 10 2005, 09:31 PM
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#17
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 ticktock. Group: Member Posts: 1,138 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,235 |
haha, i love the waxing&spider one =D
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May 11 2005, 10:39 PM
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#18
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 kATARiNA Group: Member Posts: 38 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 133,352 |
thats funnie
i hope that doesnt happen to me.. but the stupid and beautiful part already did LOL. |
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May 13 2005, 06:55 PM
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#19
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 i <3 peter Group: Member Posts: 744 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 125,986 |
hah! i like "words" and "who does what" the best XP
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