forbidden fruit, written in class yet again. |
  |
| *stephinika* |
 Apr 26 2005, 06:45 PM
Post
#1
|
|
Guest  |
writing in class time is fun...its usually socials too...that class is boring.
 anyways enjoy...an extended metaphor type poem. constructive criticism is appreciated.  Forbidden Fruit She sees it displayed so beautifully Sitting there right in front of her Looking rather so innocent As she steps another foot closer Her hand unconsciously rises And moves nearer to the sight In front of her own eyes A single finger draws up Caressing its soft skin Such a small, tender touch Creating a rising comfort within her Bringing herself nearer As her confidence grew She indulged in its presence Savoured its taste Her newly discovered feelings of fulfillment Washing over her senses Not realizing Her fantasies would soon fall She freezes Suddenly the thought of what she’s done Appears in her mind Her hands lose their grip Letting it fall away The strength of her guilt causing her to fall Down to her knees And sad tears of remorse trail down her cheeks Now knowing she is alone Her mistake, the death of her. |
|
|
|
|
Apr 26 2005, 08:06 PM
Post
#2
|
|
 j'adore =)  Group: Member Posts: 723 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 107,848 |
steph that one's really good i like it :) keep up the good work.
"She sees it displayed so beautifully Sitting there right in front of her" especially those lines...i can relate :) |
|
|
|
|
Apr 26 2005, 08:33 PM
Post
#3
|
|
 ticktock. Group: Member Posts: 1,138 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,235 |
=) i could relate. .with all the temptation and stuff
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 26 2005, 09:04 PM
Post
#4
|
|
|
Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 726 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 95,137 |
i love the last few lines.
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 26 2005, 11:16 PM
Post
#5
|
|
 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 905 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 216 |
nicely written. i like the way it flows together.
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 27 2005, 02:09 PM
Post
#6
|
|
 ...Alone in the darkness, and withering away... Group: Member Posts: 91 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 110,995 |
its very nice... at the same time kinda elegant. HUZZAH!
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 27 2005, 02:57 PM
Post
#7
|
|
 fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
I really like this one Steph. Good work.
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 27 2005, 04:30 PM
Post
#8
|
|
 SCHGEB!SCHGEB! Group: Member Posts: 1,786 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 66,217 |
i like it. good job
it floooows.
|
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: