createBlog Diary, version 4 Options

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

what a week. so lazy, so slack...good and bad at the same time. so many different feelings too and possibilities...is it possible? i don't even know anymore...its so hard to tell too. really...i think its impossible. there are some days when it really, really seems like it...others no.
i wish he'd open up more. i trust him with my life and i know he trust me...but he doesn't talk to me. i want to help him in any way that i can...
i really do.
bleh.
i miss him. i see him so rarely and it sucks...i want to be with him so badly...i haven't properly seen him in weeks. i hate this.

[azn hunni xox]

Dear CB diary,

So much has been happening this week... some bad, some good... mostly bad.
Person1 and person2 are together, but person3 is sad.
Person 4 hates person 5, while person 5 loves person 4.
Person 6 is mad at person 5, and loves person 4.
Person3 is mad at person6.
Person7 is not sure what she wants.

I, person 7 is extremely confused. I don't know if I really do like him or not, who I should trust... what I should do.

I feel like I'm going crazy...
`azn hunni xox

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

yesterday was sooo fun! i played tennis for like 3 hours and it was so great. i was doing really good and we played a doubles tournament because the coach was absend and i was with drew and we won the whole thing! *cough* champions *cough*. and then i played after school for another hour and a half and it was fun too. even though i didn't like some of the people there.
sunday is mother's day and i am excited. we are going to go out for lunch with all the mothers, it shall be fun. and my sister and i are going to be getting my mom a bracelet with our names on it.

--Frankie

[RiddleMeWonders]

Dear CB diary,

OMG I am so tired. I've been cleaning all day and getting stuff ready for my mom... :D !!!! My sister and dad are taking care of the gift. I don't know what it is, so I feel kind of left out, but I'm doing my part.

She's at a banquet right now... And collin and carol ann went to some cinema party. :/ I guess I shouldn't mind.. I go places all the time.

*Sigh* I'm so ready for school again. There's really nothing to do.

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary-
hmm..I feel..indifferent. I don't know why it's so hard for me to tell people my feelings. It's been this way for my whole life, but I feel as though no one really understands me. I really do try to tell someone, but then I feel like there is nothing to say. It's just too complicated to write down here. Another thing is that I feel like I'm losing my friends. They don't seem to want to hang out with me anymore. They are absolutely wonderful to me in class and school is general, but I feel as if that's our relationship. Just in the school environment. It's my fault. I chose to study over being with my friends I guess. But it's not like I didn't want to be with them. And that's the thing I guess that hurts the most because I really really wanted to be with everyone, but I just couldn't. I don't think I would have enjoyed it anyways because I always felt guilty when I wasn't studying. I don't know. And there are my parents. They don't like the term 'hanging out.' I understand they just want the best for me and they want to see me succeed, but can't they see that I am? I sometimes want to just break free and yell at them, including my brother, that I can take care of myself. I am old enough not to make stupid decisions. Woww..that was a long bunch of garbage. Anyways, that's basically it for now, so until next time...

-teesa

[Chii]

dear createBlog diary,

i just can't believe it...he doesn't want to see me, he hasn't left me any messages nor has he even called...i believe that he's blocked me from his other screennames but not on his main one which is the only one he really uses...

i just don't know what the hell to do, i'm just freaking out. i tried to take a shower but i stopped after i wached my hair because i didn't want to wach johnny off of me...i hate how things are. i've tried to be a good girlfriend but i realize how i keep saying i'll try. things just aren't the same, it's like he doesn't give a crap.

i'm scared...i can't be without him, i hate how childish i sound. i hate how i'm just like those other girls i never wanted to be. being all in love with some guy and freaking out over things like this. like up until this past week everything was fine...i need johnny in my life. i can't do anything, i've isolated myself, other than him, i have no life.

i've built my future and planned everything with him. my grades have gone to hell and i can't recover because we had a plan for both of us to just break free from the "homes" we're confined to, but now what? if our relationship falls through my life falls through. i never wanted to go to college, school just isn't for me, i can't dedicate myself to going to a school and being surrounded by people i hate, doing work that i hate. i can't hack it.

i've prayed to god to guide me, i won't lose my faith completely but it's wearing so thin. i'm so scared...i'm so in need of people but i've pushed everyone too far away from me. if johnny is gone...i truly have no one. i made him my everything. he is my best friend, my love, my teacher, my amusement, my happiness, my anger, my childishness, EVERYTHING.

it hurts so bad...i hope he gets out of this funk he's in...i can't do life without him. i hate going to school...because now what's there to look forward to? going straight home wondering what he's doing? torturing myself wondering if we're still going to be together? i can't deal with this, i can't. i can't have space...i don't want distance, i just want johnny...

that's all i want...my johnny, to hold him and pet his hair and hug him and kiss him...i don't want anything else...i don't need anything else...


heartbroken,
M.L. x/3

[xldubaliciousx]

Dear CB Diary:
Hmm.. First time I've ever posted in here.. But I guess it's good to let out all your feelings. And I heard that if you just keep it all bottled up you totally kill your kidney.

So when this year started. I was so excited, I thought I was a "renewed" person. Because you see, in seventh and sixth grade I wasn't the nicest person. And after I realized all the stupid stuff I had done I was so ready for 8th grade. I looked forward to a chance to put things right..

But what REALLY happened was completely unexpected.. Up to eighth grade I had had things pretty much made. I was so happy and yeah ignorant and stupid too. But you can't help it sometimes.. And then all of a sudden I wasn't comfortable with myself anymore. Everything mean that I had ever thought said or done caught up with me. I talked to my friends.. I tried my best to explain what was going on with me.. But it really COULDN'T be explained. I lost half of my friends. None of them even got it.. They just assumed.

Soon after, I made all these promises to myself.. That I would get the nerve to catch up with that girl I used to always talk to.. To get to know that boy I liked.. To make the effort to meet new people. The list could seriously go on forever. But something inside me had just died.. I couldn't do any of those things. And I still can't really. Those promises were made eight months ago. Not much progress since.

Now I feel like I failed or something. The year is NEARLY over. And I'm no where. I don't know what to do anymore.

<33

[lovescream]

Dear CreateBlog Diary,
My day was pretty good. Ehhehheheh. I need mrs. dolente's e-mail address. Gul promised me she'd get it. And Kawai knows, but she was too lazy to take it out.
Well, I went to target about an hour ago. I saw Robert and Tom there. Robert looked soooo hot, as always. But he didnt notice me. He probably doesnt know me. .. Ehh.. Oh well...
Well, just a while ago, my grandma bitch as always, yelled at me. She's so f**king short tempered. So am I, but she has a shorter temper. I was cutting for less than 1 minute, because she needed the sissors, and started bitching at me. Get a friggin life. Jesus. You're impatient, short tempered, and a bitch. >.< You really have to stop yellnig at me for the stupidest thing. Ohhh.
And she told me I'd die one day because someone hates me. God. Stfu, a-hole.

Toby.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..

im afraid..if i start liking him and he doesnt actually like me, ill feel hurt..i dont think ill survive like the last time..sigh..the dance is coming up..in 5 days..gosh..theres so much stuff going on right now...i seriously dont know what to do..i want to tell him i like him, but what if he doesnt anymore..what if he moved on..what if im just a friend and nothing more..gosh..i have homework to do..its almost 12 in the morning..i dont feel tired..i should go.......
...Nancy...

[nhj_2006]

cb diaryyyy...=]

i guess everything is solve in a way.

yesterday was sooooo 2 yrz. i could say that yesterday was one of the best dates in the so many dates. <3 came home at 1ish and mom was waitin for me. she didnt even wanna talk to me, but told sis to get her and we talked. its cool.

anyway, happy mothers day <3
i love youu mommmy

xoxo - 18 more dayz - o6!

[ichiban]

dear cb diary,

well i just feel really stupid. all because of her. yeah, my best friend's sister who apparently cannot accept me because i am what, a geek? tch, so what if im not a hollister/abercrombie freak like she is? i am not rich enough to have a closet full of that stuff, okay? and geesh, dont tell me to go and get better clothes, i know i should, i just dont really care at the moment. stop acting all nice to me, he told me what you really think of me. i guess i suspected it all along anyway, i knew that being all nice to me was fake. and yeah, i know the guys ive liked are fairly ugly, i dont need you telling your brother, 'she likes all those ugly guys.' its not exactly my fault i look past their damn outside appearance. shit, dont tell me to go serve at your friends f**king party. i thought i wasnt good enough for you, eh?

[me1issaaaa]

Dear cB Diray,

Everything that's happened in the last 48 hours has just been such a roller coaster. Some moments have been bliss, others have been total hell. Should I regret what happened? Should I tell Drew what happened? How will he react? Sam has been a good friend to me for a while and when he kissed me... it's like I wanted him to, despite my feelings for Drew. I think it was because I wasn't sure how Drew felt about me. And then he told me he likes me and I've been on his mind a lot. My heart just suck. I don't want to tell him, I don't know what I'd do if he was upset at me and I didn't have him anymore. I can't make it without him, atleast as my friend. I don't know what to do.

This is becoming the worst time of my life, when it should be the best. Maybe this is telling me I'm not in the right place to be in a relationship, even though I want to be with Drew more than anything.

When Sam kissed me, it was alright, I guess, but all I could think about was wishing it was Drew.

I'm so confused. I feel like such a f**king whore right now. This blows.

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,
Gosh, I never thought I would end up like this. Thiss all just killing me. After years and years, I still can't let it go.

I feel confused, and sad lately. I don't know why. I just do. Just all these things that are happening in my life. Tons of drama and problems. Not the typical friends and boys drama because I don't really have time to be worrying about things like that. I'm over that anyways. But gosh. jfdsdskjg. I can't believe my mom is getting surgery. oh my. I would have never thought. Stupid doctors. I swear, how stupid can they get, to not notice. To always tell her she's alright when there was something wrong. I know its not SUPER dangerous but still ..it's surgery. I am glad she went to the doctor on time because I don't know what I would do. I'm def missing school on June 9th. I'm just really nervous for her, because it can still be pretty dangerous. Ugh.

I've fallen. I am truly giving up. for 14 years, he didn't care .. so why should i?

I've noticed that I get depressed often, in my own little world. But I just don't/can't show it.

<333 Lorena

[silver-rain]

Dear CB Diary,
Oh man, the AP Bio exam is tomorrow... and I'm afraid that I'll do really badly on it. I can probably pass the multiple choice, but the essays, no way. I don't know enough details for it... hopefully I can do well...
Anyways, I bought my boyfriend a Creative Zen Micro, and coincidentally, it'll arrive on our 6th month anniversary heh. I love him so much, and I'm so glad I have him. He is the best person ever.
Well, after tomorrow, I'll be done with testing until the SATs in June. But I'm so worried about prom, hopefully my mom will let me go...

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
Gosh..The dance is in 4 days..Now I don't really want to go..I kind of want to, but I kind of don't want to..Sigh..
I can't believe him..He doesn't know why I blocked him..HE was the one that hurt me..HE was the one who said those words that made me feel so sad..HE was the one who never understood me..Gosh..He didn't understand that I was hurt..And now, he doesn't know why I'm not talking to him?Gosh..Give me a break..He should know what I mean..After all he was the one that said that..
Only 4 more weeks of school..I guess I'm glad..I'm going to be a junior leader again..I didn't get into summer school but thats ok..
Well ya..Thats it..
I hope things somehow get better...
...Nancy...

[miss barnes]

Dear Cb diary,

today was an ok day i'd say. this week is end of course testing so for the 2nd week straight the schedules are jacked up. everyday is different so they gave us a paper w/ the schedules on it. at least friday is normal. anyways, man i wish i hadnt taken physical science. if i knew it had an end of course exam i would have taken chemisty. i just wanted to take an easy A. oh well, too late for that. the good thing about the crazy week is that classes are like 15-30 minutes shorter. that means less of 5th period. God, i hate that class soo much. its soo boring. i have a good grade in there though. it used to be fun but, now its wack as hell. just 5 more days of that class and 7 more days of school then 10th grade will be history!!! oh yea...today i found out that i got advanced english!!!!! soo happy. i was scared that 4th and 5th quarter was going to mess me up but, it didnt! Thank you GOD!!! mrs. woods told me that i got it and now i have to email the teacher who teachers it next year, mrs. sleigh to get my summer assignment. thats the only bad part. a summer assignment!! i'm going to try and get i done asap so i can chill the whole summer. ooo i hope HE is in my class next year. its 93 students that are going to be in advanced english 3 so i'm guess that will be 3 classes of students. i hope he's in mine. that would be soo much fun!!! well..dayum my contacts bothering me soo

Reekah

[smile4me]

cbd.
*silence*
AHHH study study study. so stressed. i shoudl really stop downing those coffees...

[me1issaaaa]

Dear diary,

Last night... I almost lost him. I was so scared. But he forgave me.
What did I do to deserve him? Why me?
That's just it - I lucked out. I love this boy with my life. I was so stupid. So, so, so stupid.
He's so PERFECT. I've never been so utterly happy in my life.

[xbr0kensmil3]

Dear cB Diary,
It is my first time writing in one of these things and it's gonna be my 1000th post so i might as well make it worth it.
I don't know where i'm going with my life. Right now i feel depressed. I feel as if everything is going wrong and i have no friends. Well what do you call someone that blames you for tawking sh*t when they do too? Yea.. that's not a real friend i guess. Like today at lunch, we finally faced this girl that me and Javier don't like and then my supposedly "friend" said she didn't say anything, that i had said everything.. pssh.. so much for her being my best friend.
I don't know where me and Javier are going. He's my friend and all but sometimes he can be.. i don't know.. like two faced? Yea.. that and something else. I can have fun with him and all.. but i just can't tell him my secrets.
I also don't know where me and Fran stand in all this. We're not that close anymore. Yes we wait for each other in the morning, but that's it. 2 weeks ago we hung out.. and i'm not sure if i liked it since she was the one that had all the attention.
But i absolutely LOVE michelle. OMG. We have so many funny stories/ jokes. We have been there through so much. I love how this year we started talking more than last year. We got so close. Ahh.. i love her. I know she's always gonna be there.. well i said that about my ex-BFFl .. i guess i would be lying then.
I just wish i had a real friend. Er.. i wish i could hold someone's hand and watch the sunset together. I wish i had someone to whisper " I love you" to.
Yea life sucks. So far it ain't going my way.
Good thing we have a field trip tomorrow.
Err another thing that's been bothering me is the social. I don't know if i want to go or not. I mean get a dress, get my hair done, nails, shoes, make up. What if i come out as a big disaster? Yea..and plus i don't have a date even though i really don't care but i would still like it if someone asked me to go with them. I can go with all my "friends" but all we're gonna do is eat and talk and stuff. Not even bother to dance. It's what we can do during lunch.. so why bother going right? I don't know.. i might change my mind later on.
Today i spent the day with my mom. I love her. We did laundry and we had Friendly's. Yep. It was good. I got a new pair of caprees and jeans.
I need to go the mall. I need new shoes and shirts. Yep. My mom was talking yesterday about how i'm gonna turn 15 soon. How grown up i am. I really don't feel like i'm grown up at all. Well in a way i kinda feel that i've mature a lot but in another way i feel like i'm still a kid; even though i'm a teenager.
Ok.. back to the friend's subject. I hate how she changed. She has changed a lot. Smoking now? wtf. I never thought she would so such thing. She always said smoking is for wannabe's and yet now she's smoking. I wanna go up to her and slap her. She pisses me off cuz i know she's still tawking mad crap about me. You know what the funny thing is? That she actually got what she wanted. She got skinnier like she said she was gonna get. She got more friends than she had before. She has a higher self-esteem now. But i hate her. I seriously do. How can someone go thAt low to hurt you so bad? How can she have done that to me? Yea, all those " BFFL" crap ment nothing. Yea.. whatever. why do i even bother tawking about her.. it makes me more pissed.
So new subject. Err.. i wanna stab all those wannab's and fakes in my school. Gawd, since when do all the preps listen to punk/rock. Yea wannabe's. I wish i had like a gun and shoot them all right in the face. Ok this is definately a violent thing.
I really wish i had someone to talk to about all this. All our supposedly counselors at school would take everything i say wayyyyyyyyy to seriously. They'd be calling my parents and thinking i have mental problems. Maybe i do? Naa...
Yea.. this is a long entry. Maybe i'll start posting here more. Yepp. i think i will.
So yea.. he went on my bus again today. I hate it how all the preps start tawking to him and take him away from me. I wish we could just talk and hang out, yaknow? Well it's not like he's gonna like me anyways. But he is pretty cute.. whatever, it's not like i have chance cuz there's girls out there prettier and smarter and cooler than me.. so whatever. I might as well not even try.
So anyways. Yes my 1000th post. YYYYYYAYYYYYYYYYY!!!! I <33 CB.
1000TH POST !!
later <3

[to-devastate]

Dear cB diary,
I don't know how I feel now about himm. Today, I gotten more close to him. but that was because he knew.. or thought. that i didnt like him anymore. and thats why he was ignoring me- because he was scared that i would think he liked me or something. anywho. i don't know how i feel abouth im. just confused. i like him- but if he would ask me out, i wouldn't accept. I'm still thinking about the other guy. He's like my prince. Idunno. Sucks, that one of my close friends like him too. I guess that we weren't meant to be. Agh. I hope I can see things more clearly.. soon.
-Miss Insecure.

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,
I am so sick. Ugh I don't even know why I'm on the computer. I barfed >.< I haven't done that in YEARS. Ew. Ah. My head is about to fall off.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
gosh..i think he doesnt like me anymore...o well...time to move on again..i cant stay here any longer and wait for him..if i could i would be punching myself out right now...i probably would be killing myself now too..

the dance is in 3 days..gosh..im not excited...i dont want to go..i want to get a day off from school work but i dont want to c certain ppl..argh...

today was a good day for my friends...we were all able to hang out with each other b/c ******* wasnt here..it was nice to c them relax and be laughing..it makes me sad though b/c tomorrow is going to be like before..it makes me sad that ***** and ***** have to act when ******* is around...

i should be doing my homework right now..argh..have to go...
...Nancy...

[Nicolatofu]

Dear cB Diary,

I can slready tell today is going to suck. I just can't wait to get the year over with. Unless something happens. Talent show this thursday. 13 days left of school. Then I can becaome a total computer nerd. Wow, I really am trying not to think about school. But I guess that's kinda hard since I'm getting ready to leave for there against me will.

Good news: I got my cb tank top yesterdayyy!

[sweet_devil]

Dear CB Diary,
Today was ok. I wish I didn't live such a normal life. The girls in class were ok, at least I had my friend Jessica. None of them acted bitchy towards me...for once. I wonder what they have against me, what's wrong with me?
me

[miss barnes]

Dear CB Diary,

Today was alright i guess. no big deal. just went to 1st for 10 minutes, then chilled in the gym for 1 hr. 15 min. then 3rd, 1st, 4th, 2nd, 5th, and 6th. dang the schedule is soo jacked up this week. damn i have to take the end of course tomorrow so i'll be testing instead of being in the gym!!! damn and i still hate 5th period & now i have to stay in there for forever tomorrow! i need to study...

reekah