Lost the love of my life, Heartbroken Options

[ric2001]

Hi! I'm 31 years old and for a long time, I've dated and dated but never found anyone who really did it for me. Then I met this girl who I work with and she blew me away... It started simple (as friends) where she came over for a beer here and there and we just loved each other's company. We ended up falling in love, HARD and practically lived together (since she doesn't have her own place). I felt this was just too good to be true, I was SOOO happy and so was she. She was affraid I'd leave her all the time. Then one day around 7 months later, we went camping with my friends but my g-friend and I were supposed to go camping the following week just me and her but before that weekend came, I kinda hinted that I was not eager to go due to financial reasons, hoping she'd cover it or something. Anyway it turned out to be a big disappointment on her part arguing that it didn't stop me from going with my friends and that my priorities aren't straight, etc... Thing is I agree, but since I own a house and have a car and major debts, bills etc, I planned poorly and realized a little too late that I just couldn't do both and we had already gone with my friends. She has no expenses and makes the same amount of money I do... Anyway after this whole thing, she acted distant and a little different (when she gets disappointed, she holds on to it for a while). I asked her how she felt about me in the following weeks, etc, and she said she was just pissed off and she'll get over it. Well it was killing me so I resorted to something aweful in hopes that I would catch her opening up to her friend about things cause she certainly wasn't opening up to me. I snooped in her email! I KNOW bad, but what else could I do? I felt like I was losing the love of my life but in fact I wasn't, THIS action caused me to lose her! The action and lying about it...So I guess my question is, if you love someone, is this a valid reason enough to leave them? I was just scared of losing her and she wasn't opening up to me... I initially lied about it to hopefully make it go away but Of course after I came clean cause she caught me, she accused me of not trusting HER, which was not the case, I wasn't so sure about her feelings, not that she was cheating or flirting or anything like that. I trusted her unconditionally and knew she got attention from guys but this wasn't the issue, it was all about how she felt for me. The she said my word not meaning a thing anymore asking if I've gone through her purse before or if I've driven by her home at the time to see if she was there.... My GOD, I'm not a psycho, I just went into her email... I still see and talk to her everyday cause we work together, but it's been 7 months since out breakup and I'm stil not over that, I feel like I lost evrything and I wanted a future with this person, FINALLY.. Do people just give up so easily or what I did was pure evil?? I'd appreciate ur thoughts and thanks!