Three Recent Poems, "The Fall", "Take Care", and "Pain" Options

[antix10_kos]

*all poems are mine. written, edited, and everything else by me.*

The Fall

for all the while
i hated
everyone and everything
then one night
i realized
this world is surreal
so real
it's such terror
it's such joy
every day is like screaming
each scream is a dropping bomb
what is this pain i feel?
if it went away,
even for one day
i'd cease to be
this broken fragment, this sadistic need
this craving that i must feed

i must be loved
i must be in love
i must be in trouble
i'm unwinding, i'm thinking
"this will never end"
my feelings hold me captive,
my love teathers me to the ground

i'm a reject
i'm a fallen angel
my wings have turned to stubs
my halo is made of thorns
my middle name is sacrifice
my dying wish was to fly
i forgot to ask how high

i got too close to love
my wings began to melt,
my heart became black, it had never felt
this is me, this is me
i called out, came crashing down
what is this, this thing called love?
all i know is that it caused my fall from above
my wings are stubs, pathetic nubs
i'll never fly again

the wounds i have will never heal
touch me,lover,so that i can feel
chase the cold from these bones
chase the fear from my heart, my dear
be my everything, leave me nothing

i want to be by your side
i want the truth to hide
from us, i'm not an angel
and you're not a liar
you're reliable, and i'm deniable
for once in our lives, let's be true
let's be me and you
nothing more and nothing less,
you don't have to dress your Sunday best
you don't have to dress at all
just stand by me, hold me, catch me when i fall

I wrote this after my boyfriend moved to Nebraska. We had a fight via phone. It's about me feeling like I fell apart when I fell in love, lost all control when he left, and how I wanted him to be there with me.

Take Care

i wake up screaming,
ice cold and a sound so bold
it wakes the neighbors
where's my love?
the morning should be dark
and the night should be pitch black
i don't want to think
i don't want to dream
i just want to leave
everyone and everything behind

i've spent my life on a track
always wanting to turn back
i've sat on the sidelines
waiting to be picked
i've taken my licks
gotten sick
and held it inside
turn the lights out
curl up into a little ball

the tears make the lines
upon my face a bit more human
a bit more female
hold me and you feel stronger
your voice cracks over a distance
struggling to hold on
to the dignity you claimed you'd find

i could say a thousand good-byes
i could cry a hundred times
but you'd just repeat the replies
you spent an hour rehearsing
and expect me to comply
with your notions of how things should be.

I wrote this after having a conversation with him about the reasons why he'd left me. He left me so he could go with his dad (whom he didn't really know) and get a job. It seemed like every time I talked to him, he fed me lines about the experience making him a better person. It all seemed so forced on his behalf, like he didn't believe it but he expected me to believe what he was saying.

Pain

been holdin' the bottle
shoulda been holdin' you
but my arms are snakes
meant to destroy you
and i cannot go that easily
my venom will strike at the center of your heart
and seek to start the pain that chokes
you and sucks your life away

oh i hope you die
a pitiful death
and i hope it hurts
i hope you'll never rest
i hope you sleep on a bed of nails
and bleed to death in your sleep
no cure for the pain,
no escape from your brain
this is me
controlling you and you dying
in the grasp of me.

i will hurt you
take you down
why do you even want me around?
i bring you nothing
i bring you pain
i'm a daily reminder of your shame
why do you want me?
is it so you have something to claim?

This poem is about how I hate being treated like I'm insignificant and not worth the effort on his behalf. He's always telling me that other girls would appreciate him more and that I'm ungrateful and a bitch because I don't worship the ground he walks on...I'm too strong-willed.

*sigh*....a relationship provides the best material for poetry...