bleh, i need to tighten this up... suggestions |
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 Apr 5 2005, 11:02 AM
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#1
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 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving  Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152  |
cacophany of sactity
fighting to be heard ideals held up like swords scriptures braced for the blows of the heathens and 5 stand in the middle arms folded and glares uplifting all convinced they come in peace two live's time they're stepped on as roaches and three live's times they're wearing the boot a witch's brew and a shepherd's crook make all the difference on battlefield earth amen ------------ i dont like the second to last line... i want a different phrasing... i kinda came over all poetic, and made this up as i was typing it, so its not that tight... give me some suggestions |
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Apr 5 2005, 04:21 PM
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#2
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 This bitch better work! Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 13,681 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 28,095 |
i like it but i don't know what you could use for the second to last line. i thought about it for a minute and nothing came to mind!
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| *stephinika* |
Apr 5 2005, 06:41 PM
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#3
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Guest |
hmm interesting. i like it. great vocabulary. as for suggestions? sorry, my mind isn't working right now.
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