i poured my heart out, in a letter.. Options

[nightsong]

Dear Caroline Matthews,

I’m writing to remind you that I’m still here. I’m still alive, and I’m still waiting. I don’t know who or what I’m supposed to be waiting for, but I know that I should be waiting. Am I waiting for you? Am I waiting for my mom to finally quit smoking? I’m sorry for not knowing, and I’m sorry for pretending to not know. Your goodbye wasn’t too clear, but then again, neither was your greeting. You failed to specify when you and your feelings for me would come back…

I hope they’ll be back soon, though. I really, really do.

You didn’t tell me to call you that night so I didn’t. But I guess you didn’t care, because you didn’t call me either. --Or maybe you did care, but you were scared to call. I don’t know, but I really hope that wasn’t the case.

Yesterday, I laid on the sidewalk where we engraved our names, but I didn’t think about you. I thought about the lake across the grocery store where we last saw each other, and the little robots you drew in chalk that were supposed to represent us, but I didn’t think about you… I swear I didn’t think about you... --Alright, I’ll stop crossing my fingers now.

I never forgot the time when we were in your room, and then you shut off the lights, and a galaxy of plastic stars suddenly surrounded us. You said it was because of us that the stars glowed, and I believed you. We laid on your bed (you said that you didn’t like your bed unless I was on it) and you asked me what I wanted to be in the future. I told you that it didn’t matter as long as I was with you. I hope you believed me, because I was telling the truth. You smiled and told me that you loved me, and that I should never question it...

I’m sorry for questioning it, Caroline. I hope you forgive me.

xo, Pauline