My Mental State, A Memoir by The Don Options

[fameONE]

With the stale taste of a Black & Mild still fresh in my mouth, two hours after blissful inhalation of smoke and tar laced with nicotine, I sit back and blacnkly stare at a computer screen littered with pictures of astoundingly beautiful women (naked) that I'll never meet. As my mood often reflects my train of thought, I reflect on the evening in such a nonchalant and apathetic manner that it becomes painstakingly clear that I've discovered what's missing in my life. No, its not a relationship or sexual exploration. As much as I'm in need of it, the missing link isn't an abundance of c-notes that will make me shallow and materialistic (more so than I believe myself to be, anyway). The missing link is trust.

So vague, so general and so cliche is the statement. Upon futher analyzation, I can even accuse myself of being delirous due to the heavy cigar smoke, lack of sleep and ego boosting overdoses by way of regaining my 'mojo.' But, surprise surprise, all leads lead right back to trust. How is this so? How the f**k does this even begin to make sense? And was there tobacco in the cigar or something of a more dangerous potency? Answering the questions of this unknown character nestled within, I fight back schizophrenia to say that I'm perfectly fine. I accredit my current mood and sudden epiphany to my coming of age; 18 years of shortcomings and frustrations will bitchslap you into reality.

Allowing myself to fully trust another human being without fear of betrayal is, or, was rather, impossible. I personally and whole-heartedly believed that every human being walking this earth, including your parents, will sell you out given the right price. That price could be cash, it could be another person or it could be for their own satisfaction, but they'll sell you out nonetheless. Such a pessimistic way of thinking, is it not? Actually, its not. It's realistic because experience has proved this theory to be, unfortunately, true. As minute a task as it may seem, eye contact can be the approval of trust that can change how you look at everything in your life. I'm actually going out on a limb to put an end to my standoffish and pessimistic (but pubicly optimistic) ways and actually trust.

What relevance does this have to your life? None at all. Why are you reading this? You tell me. I hope you've been entertained.