Underbrush, [poem] |
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 Apr 10 2005, 02:35 PM
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#1
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 dripping destruction  Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,282 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,929  |
Underbrush.
_____social roads ___i follow _it leads- i follw social paths ________blazed by few followed by many _______and i follow __why, i think, venture into the thick underbrush _________where no one else hath tread? why, I ask ______blaze a trail ____when one is `ready blazed? And so I follow _the social paths ___i follow _____social roads. underbrush ©2005 by me yes it's making fun of 'the road less traveled by'. becuase that guy thinks he's all great going against the majority, but he's still following a road. EDIT: grr... it got rid of my spacing. i'll add in __ for spaces. |
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Apr 10 2005, 02:48 PM
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#2
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 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
^^^
yes i know the spacing thing is incredibly irritating, it has done it to me too. i like it, but it doesnt convey the meaning you explained, i dont think the 'i' in the poem seems perfectly willing to except that he's following a social path. yes i know its irony, but i dont think its clear enough. disregarding the provided meaning, i absolutel love it, though |
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| *stephinika* |
Apr 10 2005, 03:15 PM
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#3
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Guest |
i quite like it actually, the idea you were going for does come across, but yeah perhaps not as strong as you would've liked. i still like it a lot though.
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Apr 11 2005, 04:59 PM
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#4
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dripping destruction Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,282 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,929 |
the irony- i wasn't trying for any idea. it came after the poem.
i was sitting in math and i decided to write a poem. and that's what came out. |
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Apr 11 2005, 09:17 PM
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#5
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
Nice work, nice work.
I love the title. 
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