Shattered |
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 Mar 8 2005, 01:04 AM
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#1
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 Philly Girl 4-life  Group: Member Posts: 91 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 105,772  |
In her world of shattered mirrors
light and day die.. with no love to dearer her mind lets her see... The past beyond me her ears let her hear what god is to fear her mind becomes stronger but she feels no longer her soul becomes dead as she lies in her bed and as the night comes to take her, even love can not wake her..... |
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| *stephinika* |
Mar 8 2005, 01:23 AM
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#2
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nicely done...good rhyming, doesn't sound very forced. i like it. sounds almost like a poem i wrote before...keep up the good work.
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Mar 8 2005, 01:25 AM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 109 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,204 |
I really like the way you put together the words for the rhyming scheme, and the picture you give is really clear, and the tone is really set early which I like. And I like the way you concluded the poem in the sense that she doesn't die right away like many people would, but instead lead her to the inevitable death in a way if that makes sense at all. Good work keep it up
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