rain on valentine's day Options

[ryfitaDF]

RAIN ON VALENTINE’S DAY
This deck of cards has been stacked against us
With all the hearts removed
Just spades for your use to dig into my flesh
Inject me with sorrow, encase me in pain
The vultures circle me as we speak
The sky darkens above
The storm is born as our heaven weeps
The rain falls on this Valentine’s Day

We’ve cried each other enough rivers
To widen this canyon tenfold
Our every dream
Beckoned by the grave

Forced smiles are all that I can muster anymore
As plastic as the tube the plasma runs through
The euphoria I once saw
Became a disaster in the making
Our hypnotic remembrance
The duress of our memories
Put our ashes in a heart-shaped urn
The rain falls on this Valentine’s Day

We’ve cried eachother enough rivers
To form this dreary sea
Spread across our globe of sentiments
Most of which we dare not chart
I grow weary of staying here
In this state of confusion
I’ll miss you
You c**t

[inthemudhole]

I LOVE the word choice.

Excellent job, as always. =)

You're just too good..

[Sa-Chan]

This was beautiful...I was to the point of tears. It touched me, it hurt me on some deeper level. Maybe because it describes how I feel...how my Valentine's Day was. Maybe because it just plucked a string on my emotional guitar...but then it was ruined with the last line.

You're a beautiful poet, and a beautiful song writer. You touch people. I don't know you, but I respect you, and I'd love to be your friend, but this piece was so beautiful...and....sad.

But then the line

I'll miss you, You c**t.

Pissed me off.

It just seemed like such an angry ending to something so graceful. It's like watching ballet and then in the last part, the ballerina starts beating her partner over the head with a metal baseball bat.

It just broke the mood. It just destroyed the emotion. I love this. I think you're a great writer. But I'm just gonna pretend that the last line of this poem didn't exist. Just because...the anger kind of....destroys it. Maybe I'm not making sense?

Please, no one be mad at me. I'm not saying you're not a great writer. You should personally know that I look up to you, that I worship your writing skills. That just...I mean, my heart ached when I read this...and then it froze, and went cold. If that makes any sense.

[*Kathleen*]

^ Heh. Trust me, he has every reason to feel that way. And...I remember how it rained on Valentine's Day...

[ryfitaDF]

i sorry =[. but i needed to put that there. the girl this is about and i were slowly drifting apart, then she just abruptly tossed me in the gutter, so i think it's just what the somg called for. and, also, theirs only so much emotion that can come from just the words. i have to admit, i was writign it to the music of avenged sevenfold's song "i won't see you tonight pt. 1", and, if you've ever heard the song, you'd know that the most tear-jerking parts were the guitar solos and the bridge, incorperating piano and strings. i was thinking i'd try and let the music to this song do most of the talking. sorry, again.

[Looow]

Woah. I really liked it. Soo good. =]

[RiddleMeWonders]

You open your mind to a whole different plane when you write. You see from above, and then below... You're like a camera that gets every angle of the story.

[Sa-Chan]

i sorry =[. but i needed to put that there. the girl this is about and i were slowly drifting apart, then she just abruptly tossed me in the gutter, so i think it's just what the somg called for. and, also, theirs only so much emotion that can come from just the words. i have to admit, i was writign it to the music of avenged sevenfold's song "i won't see you tonight pt. 1", and, if you've ever heard the song, you'd know that the most tear-jerking parts were the guitar solos and the bridge, incorperating piano and strings. i was thinking i'd try and let the music to this song do most of the talking. sorry, again.

Don't be sorry!! I'm the one that's sorry. I wasn't thinking ahead about this was how you were feeling, and I didn't really have a right to give my view on that. I don't know...I was just coming from the opposite end of the spectrum, because being a girl, I was kind of the one tossed in the gutter as you put. I know, that a lot of my stuff is pointing blame towards guys or well, a guy, and no one's ever said anything about that. I'm sorry, once again. I dunno...it just upset me a bit?? Please don't be sorry or upset with me, I really wasn't meaning any harm by it.

Also, have you told the girl how you feel? Or...told her what she did to you was wrong??

[love-issosweet]

you're talented...

[ryfitaDF]

You open your mind to a whole different plane when you write. You see from above, and then below... You're like a camera that gets every angle of the story.

you're really good at making me happy about my stuff

Don't be sorry!! I'm the one that's sorry. I wasn't thinking ahead about this was how you were feeling, and I didn't really have a right to give my view on that. I don't know...I was just coming from the opposite end of the spectrum, because being a girl, I was kind of the one tossed in the gutter as you put. I know, that a lot of my stuff is pointing blame towards guys or well, a guy, and no one's ever said anything about that. I'm sorry, once again. I dunno...it just upset me a bit?? Please don't be sorry or upset with me, I really wasn't meaning any harm by it.

Also, have you told the girl how you feel? Or...told her what she did to you was wrong??

it's all good. you can replace it with, like, "pig" or somthing that refers to a guy.

[HelloSunshine]

Forced smiles are all that I can muster anymore
As plastic as the tube the plasma runs through
The euphoria I once saw
Became a disaster in the making
Our hypnotic remembrance
The duress of our memories
Put our ashes in a heart-shaped urn
The rain falls on this Valentine’s Day

I love that part ^ The whole things beautiful!

[smthngcrprategrl...]

brilliant...absolutely brilliant.

[TrUePaInX]

nice....very good u left me speechless....nothin more to say

[nightsong]

I loved this..

xo, Pauline