A message to anyone, verson 2.0 Options

[tinababy143]

I sit in my dorm contemplating different ideas and questions that have been on my mind all day. Could it be the feelings I don’t know how to express, could it be the want, need, desire of that special someone I cant stop thinking about? Or could it be just the feelings of sadness that will last an hour until something good happens. I sometimes wonder if im suffering from depression or if its just the feeling of trying to find something and never finding it. I wish I could just clear my mind sometimes, and live a little not be scared of what bad could happen in every situation.

The idea of spending so much time in school at a desk occurred when I was walking to class the other day, I don’t know if its normal to come up with an idea like that, and overanalyze it. Being known to analyze every situation, theres no way of stopping it. I analyze everything, I pick it apart till theres nothing left, even when I have the best day or even conversation, I always seem to find ways to improve for next time. Probably why im always worried about life in general. Tears fall down my face as I continue to write this. Im already worrying about spring break, will my friends be willing to hang out at home. I don’t know where I belong, up here im so incredibly lonely, but when I go down there, theres no one that’s worth seeing. don’t get me wrong I love my friends, but I should have moved on years ago, I don’t deserve people who spend every waking moment concerned mostly on themselves and no one else. I have done everything for them, and I get an occasional call after I call them 2 weeks ago, or im used for hanging out with when others arnt available. But I still insist on holding onto them through the miles that have separate us. Holding on to them so tight, trying to keep the relationship we’ve had for the past years. Afraid to lose them because they seem like the only people I have right now. I want so badly to believe they are true friends, but as I reflect back on everything that has happened, I wonder where they were during the roughest times of the past 18 years. I feel like im competing with people in order to regain a friendship. I have always felt like that, I feel like I always have to go the extra mile to keep a friendship from dying. But it always makes me laugh when people pretend like they cant see it, I always come out looking like jealous friend, cause I got mad when he would call her and not me. But I was always the bitter one for feeling like this.

Confused, how many times can someone be screwed over? I know they’ll never admit their wrong, but its something iv gotten over, or maybe I just accepted the fact that nothing is going to change. Yes I can be somewhat of bitch at times, but what makes me laugh is they never believe it could be caused by their actions. It just happens to be my fault each time. I hate complaining about this, one because iv accepted that this is how the group iv decided to call fiends are, and two is because I keep going back looking for change and difference, so it is my fault. My choices are what make or break me, I have nothing more to expand on that. I feel incredibly lame when I sit by my phone waiting for it to ring, or I leave my aim on all night waiting for a simple “hey” from these people. And it makes me laugh that im always surprised I never have one IM from any of these people. I wish someone would come along, understand me and take me for me. Im really tired of meeting the wrong people, losing my confidence and having to change my personality and things I consider fun looked down upon, cause its not the way they see it.

I want you to understand who I am after reading this, not the quiet girl in the corner, or the girl whose on the other side of the aim box. I sit here with headphones on, blocking out the world. Listening to the lyrics of Damien Rice, I get lost in my tears. His lyrics just seem so perfect for the mood im in, they always are. What would I do without music? Its something I can relate to, I may not be a musician or an artist but music has an effect on me that I cant explain. It brings peace when my feelings are at war. Tears of happiness or sadness both occur when I get lost in a song, it may remind me of certain experiences, memories, friends, family, anything. Its like the singer is singing to me through headphones, making me remember things i want or don’t want. It can change the way I look at life within the 3-5 min i have, when i relate to nothing but the lyrics. The world seems to stop, nothing but me is important. The outside noises are no longer anything, stress is put on a halt, im lost. My mind and heart collide together at ease, im thinking and feeling the same thing, its an unexplainable reaction. The thoughts of why I continue to press the keys on my keyboard are keeping me interested in learning more of myself. I dig deeper into writing about myself, I feel like I can finally say things iv never been able to say, what I could never say out loud, but the thoughts of who I want and who I don’t want to read this are circling through my head.

I know I want to share it so people can understand who I really am, my emotions, feelings choices in life. I want them to fully understand im not someone to be looked down upon, or just another face in the crowd. Im not just the girl whose friends with ********* and *******, im not the girl who has the six flags tickets, im not the girl whose brother is a good surfer, im not the girl who is feels so ugly when she goes out, cause she feels as though everyone portrays her like that, im not the girl whose cell phone rings only when someone needs something, im not the girl who is only asked to go somewhere, when others arent around, im not the girl who is put down for being quiet, im not the girl who stands in the corner afraid to say anything, im not the girl whose scared to stick up for herself, im not the girl who lets people walk all over me, im not the girl who keeps her feelings inside. Im not the girl whose confidence wont fight back. Im strong, im independent, I search till I find, I know what I want, I wont give up, im a fighter. I back away, I come back, I want to live.

[smilz2dasun]

i can't wait to talk to you tonight. i can't wait to see you tomorrow. i can't wait to talk to you the night after that. i can't wait to see you on wednesday. *giggles* i hope you know i like you. i like getting butterfiles in my stomach. i havent had this feeling in a while....

[kellyannie]

i'm sorry.

[LoST SouL]

same person hes the only one on my mind rite now...
u meen so much to me without idk wat id do id crumble uve helped me so much ur the bestest i love u u kno i do i kare bout u ur one of the most influential people in my life u keep me stable and sane... uve taught me so many things u meen so much to me w/o u id die if it wasnt for u i probably wudnt even b here rite now... i owe u so much... i wish i kud tell u all thins but i dont have the courage to .. i dun want things to change b/w us... im afaird if i tell u they will.. dont eva leve me ok? plz promise me tat no mattaer how far apart we are no matter wat happens nuthin will eva get between us.. please promise me... u have been there for me through EVERYTHING.. plz dont leve me now.. i meen this from the bottom of my heart.. only if i kud jus tell u all i feel but its undecribeable... but 1 thing i will say is tat it is tat u made me realize tat it is u tat makes me happy... jus u the way u treate me how close we are everything... i wanna say thank u, thank u for everyhting

[Rachel]

to you:

you are a complete bitch. how could you break his heart like that??? multiple times?!?! god, he is such a sweet guy and you treated him like dirt. you break up with, then immediately hook up with some guy...then go back to him and lead him on ONLY TO HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE IN FRONT OF HIM?!?! you deserve every cruel thing he said to you...


and i swear, make another move for my guy and i will kick your ass you attention whore/complete slut. STOP FLIRTING WITH MY BOYFRIEND

[xTINAA]

i
love
you

don't break my heart

ps, chrissy i love the quote in your signature!

thanks =) it's from hitch.

Dear you,
Yeah. I keep writing to you. I don't know why you won't get out of my mind. I'm stupid to actually spend time thinking about you because I know you aren't doing the same. I think you just said a lot of bullshit and made me feel like a complete idiot and like I did something wrong when in reality it was you. Thanks a lot. Things weren't going great in the first place, but after you things are going much worse. I hate you yet I don't. God...things are so confusing and I'm feeling so frustrated.
-Me.

[whywasisostupid]

you,

last night was frigging hot.

[*Azarel*]

Stupid whores. I hate you. You fucked up my life. Damn ETS.

[Looow]

Why did you leave?
You conceited f**ker.

[FoOd]

Dear Dear dear....

You suck ass.
Your feelings are unclear and I can't make sense from any of it.

[*Azarel*]

Adam –
You fucking piece of shit. I haven't ever met you or even talked to you before, but if and when we do meet, you better be careful. Don't ever take advantage of Jennifer's trust. Don't ever mess with her heart. Don't ever lie to her. Don't even think about any of it, bastard. She trusted you, you stupid cunt. She gave you a second chance after you kissed that other girl. She thought you knew better. But you ruined it. You messed it all up. You fucked it up. And you know what? Letting her know that everyone's calling her a boyfriend-stealing whore when she already knows isn't really encouraging, especially from her boyfriend. And then telling everyone else also? About your very own girlfriend? You're fucked up. You're beyond fucked. But it doesn't matter to you now. Not that it ever did. Oh, and the kicker? You start kissing and fucking the real boyfriend-stealing slut. Oh, you're heartless. You're cruel. You don't deserve Jenn. You don't know how good of a thing you had. So go ahead, go screw Ava, Eva, whatever her name is. Go screw that white fatass who spreads rumors that are really about herself. Go ahead. Both of you will regret it. Trust me. You better watch your back, both of you. You don't mess with my friends, especially not my best friend. I don't care how strong, how intimidating, how daunting you are. I don't give a rat's ass. You're going down. You're getting paid back. You fucking deserve what's coming

[iloveathrun<3]

Dear * blank not saying the name*
i dont know if it was love at first sight? ...but im just writing you this to tell you that i love you more then anything. Bad stuff may have happened to you but hey its all good now! i kissed you once already..we arent offical but i just want to tell you that i will always love you through thick and thin ... and please stop smoking..trust me there are better ways to die babe! I dont always love a person that i barley met nor would i ever kiss someone who i barley met.. yet i did to you.. thats love i only give to special people.. maybe one day we can be together.. till then ill be there for you

- me

[Teesa]

to you-->
go AWAY. quit talking to me and stop flirting with me. you annoy the living hell out of me sometimes, but I still want to be good friends with you. We have so much in common and I love our friendship, but you need to change your attitude.

[*Azarel*]

Wow, I didn't believe you'd choose him over me. But what do I know, right? Some best friend you are. I don't think I'm going to junior prom anymore.

And you, sir, are an asshole. Don't use the excuse that you're gay to try to get everyone to condone every stupid little thing you do. It doesn't work that way in the real world. I suggest you do a little more maturing if you're going to fuck around the way you do because I'm not the only one that feels antipathy towards you and the way you act.

[silver-rain]

I'm sorry for today... I love you and I know you loved that letter- I did spend all my time working on it- 101 reasons why I love you. There are more of course. But eh, I'm sorry for everything, I hate how when you get bleh I get bleh too- but I guess that's our deep spiritual connection. Tomorrow will be better, you just watch.

[xTINAA]

Dear you,
Again I write to you. I want to talk to you again but I guess I know it's best that we stop talking. That doesn't mean I won't stop thinking about you or liking you because I've tried and it doesn't work. But I really do just want to know what you think about you and me and what happened. It always ends up bad between us and then it gets good again and then it's bad. I don't want to play that game anymore. It just pisses me off because I don't know what's going on and I'm trying so hard to understand. I think half the problem is I'm probably overanalyzing things but if you would just talk to me again then I wouldn't have to analyze so much. You left me hanging so now I'm just sitting here wondering. And it sucks. I think I'll see you tomorrow. Let's see what happens. I bet nothing. Heh. And to think that I like you and I don't even know why. I kind of want something to happen between us, for us to be together. But then again I don't. I don't honestly think I can say I'm ready for anything right now, but for you, I'd try. I just need to know if that's what you want or if you are just teasing me. I think it's the latter.
-Me.

[*stephinika*]

dear ____:

whats even happening between us now? i don't know anymore. i love you...but i just don't know. the uncertainty is killing me.

[HongKongDong]

To ____

Hmm, im confused on what your trying to tell me =/
You know that saying, "kill or be killed"
The good ol' days back in L.A. will be with us but their gone. If you havin, some trouble, just spill it. Tell me now, why are you scared? You know me, I will respect and follow your decisions but c'mon man! If you is in some trouble say something!!!!

[xTINAA]

Dear you,
Heh. Just as I guessed. You didn't even make an effort to talk to me today or get my attention or anything. I don't know why I like you especially because the feelings aren't mutual.
-Me.

[xumop apisdnx]

i think you like me. i really hope you don't. you're awesome and i effing love having you as a friend, but nothing more. i would hate it if you asked me out, because i would have to say no, and that would be awful because i never want to hurt you. you know i like one of your good friends, and that i want to go to the dance with him. i hope it didn't mean anything when you asked me. and i'm sorry if i confused you with the whole situation with that girl.

[xj_liana_tx]

i still like you... like me please

[Baku]

i hope you dont see this... why are you so beautiful?

[HongKongDong]

It was always there. Mom's light burned out years ago, but you dad. Those times when you seemed cool, when you seemed like you actually cared. There was still that little fire waiting there. Waiting to burst into raging. No, that light is gone, because today, I found out the truth. I've always hated you both with an undying passion, as parents and as people in general.But you, you had to play. Those times when you acted like you cared, I believed you. I always thought that my real caring dad was in there. It was all an act. I can't believe you would so some stupid shit like that! What were you trying to do?! Why would you bother keeping that fire lit?! When in reality I know that you have no feelings for any of us!! Now that light is gone! Vamoos! I even said that to your face! What did you do?! You tried to go on and attack me! It's not gonna work! Nothing will! Now theres nothing there! You, just like everyone else can just shut the f**k up, f**k yourselves and go to your grandiose illusion of that place you call hell, all the way down to the level of the

To myself
What are you gonna do now? Theres nothing left in this house. Why dont you just leave now? Try to find a better place? Know what I mean?

[Litt0_TeeZy]

to him:

i wish you knew how much you ment to me. you just don't realize it anymore. i say i love you and i mean it too, yet you tell me it makes you feel weird. *GRR i just wish you knew how much i love you and how much you mean to me. i'd die without you. best friend or not. i want you to be my boyfriend agian. i love you, you loser!

to another him:

man....2 years without you almost killed me. we were best friends...i was in love with you....but i don't think you knew. i was in love with you for 3 years...i don't think you knew. i guess you should know now. i'm in love with you, but there's not much i can do about it. i'm glad we're friends again, but i'm too scared to show you my love....one day i will though, i promise.

to her:

you stupid litt0 butthead! i swear if you start rumors about me and having "fake" boobs again or anything else i will chop your head off! you're so gay...stop trying to ruin my life and go get your own! *GRR you make me so angry...when i see you in the halls i just wanna fight you all over again! you're gay. *GRR!

i think i'm done. lol. love&love&anger. wow. lovely combination huh? xox_tc

[jenika]

well...i can definitely say you made my life that much more interesting... but you confuse me...you say one thing and then we're doing something that totally contradicts what you said...i dont know what to feel anymore...i dont know if im the type of girl you want to be with...i dont even know what im doing anymore...