why does she, by Marcy |
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 Jan 24 2005, 05:08 PM
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#1
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 To Live is to Dance  Group: Member Posts: 791 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 70,074  |
i wrote this a while ago when i was really pissed off. umm i guess its oaky.. i'm not good at writting LOL
anyways here it is why does she written by Marcy why does she get to see you and i get left behind in this cold world i've waited years for someone like you and now i might lose you why does he get to see you why do the roses of spring get to see you more then i do why am i left behind don't i deserve one special thing between you and i. instead i get left with my paper cut out heart that have torn cut out edges. the blood rushes through my mind, i dont belong in your life anymore No where to go, no where to hide all i want to do is crawl up in a ball and hide from the cold ass world f**k everyone, f**k love, f**k the world why does she get to see you why do i get left behind, all i want is to be happy, i dont want to look in the mirror anymore, i just wanna break it and watch my blood fall slowly onto the ground sometimes... i hate you. the end |
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Jan 24 2005, 06:09 PM
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#2
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
wow that's great. I love the concept and what you are writing about, and how you put that into words. I think you're pretty great at writing. There's a few places here that are a lil rough around the edges but it sounds good to me :)
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| *stephinika* |
Jan 25 2005, 08:32 PM
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#3
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Guest |
nicely done. i like it though its a tad cliche, but still well done. good job.
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Jan 27 2005, 04:03 PM
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#4
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 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,025 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,051 |
It's pretty good. personally I hate when people curse in poetry.
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Jan 30 2005, 12:12 AM
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#5
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 575 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 92,400 |
^ i hate it when people curse in poems too.
Anyways, this poem was lovely. I really liked it. =) You are talented. =P |
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