Poem I Wrote... Options

[nightmare_o0oh]

Understanding

I’m not meant to be here.
Not at all.
I can feel it in my heart and in my mind.
All these things are so alien to me.
None are familiar.
I am confused, yet I have an understanding.
I am lost, yet I know my way.
Somewhere within the enclosed walls of my mind do I recall having seen such an aberrant display.
Nevertheless, I cannot reminisce.
My heart, even though it’s not the place I ponder, has not the strength to recall any part of it.
None at all. I am left with puzzling questions and unresolved problems that not only confuse me, but pain me as well.
All my life I have had the people I loved and spent my life with keep secrets from me.
Secrets that held the answers to my life’s emptiness.
The only thing that kept my life incomplete; understanding.
To understand why life is like so would be the greatest accomplishment for me.
It would satisfy me mentally and spiritually, alike.
Yet, they keep it from me.
Why?
I hunger for clues.
Anything!
I ache for answers.
Anyone!
Anyone!
Yet, no one comes and comforts me, nor does anyone fulfill my plea.
Time passes… I still hear nothing.
Not a murmur, nor a whisper.
But as time goes by, I age with grace and wisdom.
I grow to understand that I should not turn to others when my worries wake and problems stir.
I learnt that I should not be swift to blame nor to anger.
As my mind matures, everyday things turn into a thread of thoughts, then into a rope of ideas.
I understand that to every thought and action, there is a reward or a consequence.
To think carefully, reasonably and with time gains oneself a truthful decision.
To decide with good will and absolute power gains oneself the reward; an amendable action which came forth from the one thought.
But, to think, decide and put to action anything in haste gains one thing; failure. Failure achieves nothing but consequences.
As I put my thoughts into words, I realise something.
No one has kept anything from me.
No one holds the key to my life’s secrets.
No one controls me.
I realise that I have been holding back.
Holding back to comprehend anything in life caused me the one feeling that has a special place within me.
With sparkling eyes and an aura of knowing, I end my worries and problems with one statement.
One statement that I have been longing to voice for an eternity and beyond.
With these thoughts in my mind and this voice with which I preach, I come to a conclusion.

I now am complete.
I now have an understanding.


Elaine