im so confused. im scared of losing him forever., i need advice or encouragement. whatever Options

[dOrklikewOAAH]

EDIT////

srry. yea i know its long im really sorry. so im just gonna make the shortened vers. at the top. the rest for other to read if bored or have time. whatever.ok...here goes again..

well for starters my boyfriend stephen broke up with me about.. 4 days ago.
we've been going out for almost 6 months straight [ 5 months ..2 weeks and 4 days to be exact] ... weve known each other for more than a year [we met in 9th grade and in P.E. class] and weve really REAALLY liked each other and was secretly completely obsessed with each other for all that time. but both of us were too shy to say anything.
and one day in july last year... [after i have dated 2 people since summer started... and just got broken up w/the week before..] he talks to me again and finds out im single again..
he tells me he loves me... comforts me when im sad about ross things.
while hes gone for the week.. MAJOR feelings come back even stronger than before. so he comes back a week later..asks me out and im over ross [my ex] and so i obviously say yes.

stephen used to have cancer since he was born [but 3 weeks after we started dating he really got better.. and it was completely gone. the doctors say it was a "miracle" stephen says he knows it was me.].
the problem is...... he still has a viral infection around his heart.
in his lifetime (he turned 16 august 30) hes had about 6 strokes and 8 heart attacks. no joke.
i know. omg.

about 2 weeks ago on a wednesday. he had a stroke at his swim meet [one i couldnt go to since it was too far away and what not.] while doing a relay.
so people had to dive in ..pull him out... give him CPR. [scared the living crap out of me to hear this] and he was fine.
well his chest has been hurting really bad since then and he thought it was just chest pains from his viral infection. his mom took him to the doctor last tuesday and we found out that he has a partially collapsed lung.
i find out that his family therapist says that he has too much stress for him to handle.... since girlfriends create A LOT of stress w/trying to be kept happy and felt loved and what not. and how he just cant do it all with school and swimming.

and so were broken off because his parents forced him. he tells me how he is so upset and hes so sad. i know he is. and its killing me...even though stephen says it might be for a while and that we'll be together again when he gets his life back on track. and he tells me that he loves me. i know he does... and im going to wait for him and not date anyone else until then. its just that when im alone by myself i start thinking... "what if we drift apart? and what if he falls out of love with me because of it?"
its like... i need to hear that everything will be alright again. and that he loves me constantly. we still talk. and its mostly me pouring out my heart about how im feeling... and how it hurts so bad. ... while he goes"im srry"
"im so srry about all this".. but he never tells me directly how he feels.
and he makes it look so easy to get over things.. when i know that deep inside of him that its not.

stuff like that bothers me.
and i also hate it and am mad with myself b/c when i do talk about how im hurting or something. he gets sad. and i dont want that b/c thats not going to help him get better at all. i care for him so so much. and i dont want to lose him forever.
i just want things to get back to normal.
i want us to be together again.
........ in my heart i cant realize that things are changing. which i dont adjust easily to. b/c everything in my life revolves around him. he is my world.. my everything.
i know he knows that.

and i know some people think that its pathetic how people supposedly "think" that were in love ... and then when were broken up.. that its like our whole world fell apart. if you have ever been in love. than you must know what its like to feel that.
because we still are in love .. and just a day from each other we are miserable.

so the reason why all this is too hard for me to handle all at once is because his parents(who i love dearly) are like.... wanting me completely out of his life or something??!
and it hurts so bad that i cant talk to him on the phone anymore... or see him at school or anywhere for that matter... and i cant hold him or kiss.. hug him..
or do anything with him anymore. the only way i can talk to him is aim. which he barely is ever on. and im trying and trying to get my life back on track. and keep us from drifting apart. i just cant let myself let that happen. im so confused with my feelings......... im so sorry this was so long. this is just half the stuff that im thinking about . and that i feel right now... but it is all that i can put into words.

please someone help me... or say something... i dont know what to do.. .

.........???
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[Longer, more complicated version.]

please bare with me. its long. sorry i just REALLY need to get this out. im tired of bottling things in.


ok well......... i hope i dont confuse anyone with this. as i am confused already. but that goes with my feelings. but if you can stay with me long enough to read all this.... please do. i dont know what to do... how to feel...
i need someone to listen. just anyone.

here goes.


well for starters my boyfriend stephen broke up with me about.. 4 days ago.
we've been going out for almost 6 months straight [ 5 months ..2 weeks and 4 days to be exact] ... weve known each other for more than a year [we met in 9th grade and in P.E. class] and weve really REAALLY liked each other and was secretly completely obsessed with each other for all that time. but both of us were too shy to say anything.
after the 1st sem. of 9th grade we didnt have classes together so we drifted a bit.

in about april [2nd sem.] we started talking on aim a lot. so i asked him out. he said yes. and we went out for officially one day till he had to break it off because of his parents. [he wasnt allowed to date anymore since his grades werent doing so well] so yea it felt like that just killed me there.

and i spent months trying to get over him. so he was pushed to the farthest place in my mind

we didnt talk after that.. well it was rarely anyway and not about much either.

during the summer.... he would talk to me sometimes and ask how life was stuff like that. and one day in july... [after i have dated 2 people since summer started... and just got broken up w/the week before..] he talks to me again and finds out im single again.. so he asks me out before he has to go south carolina to his family. and im still a bit hung up on my ex so i ask him to ask me when he gets back.

he tells me he loves me... conforts me when im sad about ross things.
while hes gone.. MAJOR feelings come back even stronger than before.

so he comes back a week later..asks me out and im over ross [my ex] and so i obviously say yes. our first date was the very next day.

[and then i find out during the months we were dating that the only reason he didnt talk to me much or ask me out before was because he thought that after april i didnt like him anymore.. or that i was mad at him for having to break up with me. or that i had a boyfriend already.]

anywaayyy... thats just our history.

present:

ok so hes on the swim team at school. and the whole time we've been going out everything has been great.
he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. and i with him.
we truly believe that we are soulmates and meant to be together.
along with everyone else.
were so in love and everythings great right?

well stephen used to have cancer since he was born [but 3 weeks after we started dating he really got better.. and it was completely gone. the doctors say it was a "miracle" stephen says he knows it was me.].

the problem is...... he still has a viral infection around his heart.
in his lifetime (he turned 16 august 30) hes had about 6 strokes and 8 heart attacks. no joke.
i know. omg.

about 2 weeks ago on a wednesday. he had a stroke at his swim meet [one i couldnt go to since it was too far away and what not.] while doing a relay.
so people had to dive in ..pull him out... give him CPR. [scared the living crap out of me to hear this] and he was fine.

well his chest has been hurting really bad since then and he thought it was just chest pains from his viral infection. his mom took him to the doctor last tuesday and we found out that he has a partially collapsed lung.

two days later,
hes not at school [and im worried as crap] .. so i go throughout the day asking everyone if they know where he is. when im walkin home from the bus... call him from my cell.. he has an uneasy tone in his voice as he tells me to get on the comp. because his mom needs the phone ..... so i know somethings wrong.

so i get on... im waiting.. i see him sign on and off a couple times... i say hey and he finally talks to me. i ask him where hes been.
and he tells me he was at his family therapist for 3 hours talking w/parents and what not. then he tells me "and theyre makin me do some things....."

and its taking forever to type so i just break down and ask if hes breaking up with me....
so yea.... hes sorry and i find out that his family therapist says that he has too much stress for him to handle.... since girlfriends create A LOT of stress w/trying to be kept happy and felt loved and what not. and how he just cant do it all with school and swimming.

and so were broken off because his parents forced him. he tells me how he is so upset and hes so sad. i know he is. and its killing me...

even though stephen says it might be for a while and that we'll be together again when he gets his life back on track. and he tells me that he loves me. i know he does... and im going to wait for him and not date anyone else until then.


its just that when im alone by myself i start thinking... "what if we drift apart? and what if he falls out of love with me because of it?"

its like... i need to hear that everything will be alright again. and that he loves me constantly. we still talk. and its mostly me pouring out my heart about how im feeling... and how it hurts so bad. ... while he goes"im srry"
"im so srry about all this".. but he never tells me directly how he feels.
and he makes it look so easy to get over things.. when i know that deep inside of him that its not.

stuff like that bothers me.
and i also hate it and am mad with myself b/c when i do talk about how im hurting or something. he gets sad. and i dont want that b/c thats not going to help him get better at all. i care for him so so much. and i dont want to lose him forever.


i just want things to get back to normal.
i want us to be together again.
........ in my heart i cant realize that things are changing. which i dont adjust easily to. b/c everything in my life revolves around him. he is my world.. my everything.
i know he knows that.

and i know some people think that its pathetic how people supposedly "think" that were in love ... and then when were broken up.. that its like our whole world fell apart.

if you have ever been in love. than you must know what its like to feel that.
because we still are in love .. and just a day from each other we are miserable.

so the reason why all this is too hard for me to handle all at once is because his parents(who i love dearly) are like.... wanting me completely out of his life or something??!
and it hurts so bad that i cant talk to him on the phone anymore... or see him at school or anywhere for that matter... and i cant hold him or kiss.. hug him..
or do anything with him anymore.

the only way i can talk to him is aim. which he barely is ever on. and im trying and trying to get my life back on track. and keep us from drifting apart. i just cant let myself let that happen.

im so confused with my feelings......... im so sorry this was so long. this is just half the stuff that im thinking about . and that i feel right now... but it is all that i can put into words.

please someone help me... or say something... i dont know what to do.. .

.........???