pain not letting go |
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 Dec 18 2004, 11:48 AM
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#1
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*  Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134  |
its painful to watch someone die
falling on my knees, unstoppable tears stream down my eyes the pain so strong it wont let me go it stays within me, a burden saying no following me everywhere, haunting in my dreams my greatest fear watching as i run and scream praying to god, wishing on a star to let me be free and get rid of this scar waiting untill my day comes, untill im free it stays right here, right next to me lol hope yall like this..!! |
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Dec 18 2004, 12:15 PM
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#2
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 i'm susan Group: Official Member Posts: 13,875 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,029 |
wow is pain really next to you? heh my pains always follow me wherever i go. it's bad and not fun T__T;; this poem is SO ME. heh nice poem. you did a really good job to it. is your mood fill with pain? is that why you posted a pain topic? heh anyways yeah it was good, nice job.
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Dec 18 2004, 07:49 PM
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#3
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 my <3 is in Ohio Group: Member Posts: 899 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,599 |
i like the poem. i feel like i understand it a lot. yeah good job!
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Dec 18 2004, 11:29 PM
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#4
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 define our lives for us. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 11,656 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 43,293 |
I really like it.
Especially the rhyming part. It has a rhythmitic beat to it, which I like. 
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Dec 20 2004, 10:58 AM
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#5
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
QUOTE(angel_roh @ Dec 18 2004, 9:15 AM) wow is pain really next to you? heh my pains always follow me wherever i go. it's bad and not fun T__T;; this poem is SO ME. heh nice poem. you did a really good job to it. is your mood fill with pain? is that why you posted a pain topic? heh anyways yeah it was good, nice job. yeh thnx for all the comments hmm i am in actual pain right now...=( my dads in the hospital and it almost x mas..they told me hes dying..but im trying not think of it and just forget about it and have a good x mas |
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Dec 20 2004, 11:04 AM
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#6
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 This bitch better work! Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 13,681 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 28,095 |
very touching. especially after my g-pa died two days ago!
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Dec 21 2004, 03:49 AM
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#7
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 Bardic Nation Group: Member Posts: 1,113 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,059 |
believe it or not slow and painful is easier to accept than a sudden heart attack or a murder. Pain and death are usually synonymous. however loss and the phantom feeling of mourning shouldnt last longer than the consequence. There is a season for it and yet another for joy that comes after it. Happiness and youth are fleeting so savor them with the silver line in the good and the bad times. The rhyme scheme is a bit sketchy and lost.
from 1-10 i give it a 4 |
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| *not_your_average* |
Dec 23 2004, 04:36 PM
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#8
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Guest |
QUOTE following me everywhere, haunting in my dreams my greatest fear watching as i run and scream that's my fave line. love the emotion in that poem. you should submit your stuff to poetry.com. they give money for poems. |
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