About my re-markable birthday..., yes it's going to leave a mark.. Options

[angel-roh]

ouch... that's very sad and horrible. heh well i dont normally do birthdays and if my parents forget about it.. i dont care cause i still can have birthday next year..it's not like a big thing to me heh... but i think it's a big thing for you?? but anyways i dont know what to say cause u and i are different?? ehh anyways that sucks for your parents for saying bad comments about the things you love...gez i would hate that. cause my dad hates all the fashion i love. he thinks they are trashy and stupid. that pisses me off big time. so yeah ehhh but i wouldnt want to cut myself..... cause your mad and sad doesnt mean you cut yourself. i kinda dont believe that you cut yourself, but if you did... i dont know why you had to do it---cause depression is taking over your life? but seriously it's just a birthday. im not being mean, it's just my opinion. i mean it's not like your parents hate you... or your parents died in the day of your birthday..... so yeah i think it was weird for you to cut yourself and engrave a date on it... maybe you can't control of yourself, so you need help? hm... if you do, you should really go see a psychology cause that's what i did =]

[xj_liana_tx]

it's not like a big thing to me heh... but i think it's a big thing for you?? but anyways i dont know what to say cause u and i are different?? ehh anyways that sucks for your parents for saying bad comments about the things you love...gez i would hate that. cause my dad hates all the fashion i love. he thinks they are trashy and stupid. that pisses me off big time. so yeah ehhh but i wouldnt want to cut myself..... cause your mad and sad doesnt mean you cut yourself. i kinda dont believe that you cut yourself, but if you did... i dont know why you had to do it---cause depression is taking over your life? but seriously it's just a birthday. im not being mean, it's just my opinion. i mean it's not like your parents hate you... or your parents died in the day of your birthday..... so yeah i think it was weird for you to cut yourself and engrave a date on it... maybe you can't control of yourself, so you need help? hm... if you do, you should really go see a psychology cause that's what i did =]

well it's not THAT big to me, but still, i mean, it's just i guess one special day in a year... my dad hates all the cloth i love too, and well, on the 18th, it was the hair thing that really pissed him off. I mean, before taht it was deathly boring but at least my parents tried to make the effort of going to the places they really abhor with me. i mean, i really hate it that my parents are overly traditional, they look at their opinions as the truth, i mean, if i weren't here right now, i would've still be brainwashed by their secluded minds. I cut myself because i didn't know what else i can do, that was like the only thing i could really do at the moment even though i wasn't REALLY willing to do it. My parents think shrinks are stupid, they are just money grabber.

[Spirited Away]

First, your situation is not news to a lot of kids, but you know, the majority of those kids come out better in society than others. It's how you face the situation that makes or breaks you.

Bad parents... A lot of times, teenagers do not understand what they have until they're older, and sometimes even until they're too late.

Second, you think you have it tough so you cut yourself? What's that going to prove? That's you're suicidal? That your parents are horrible? Even if that's not what you want to happen, people will think it.

And before anyone say that I don't know what I'm talking about, think twice about assuming my situation. I'm where I am today and I am in love with my family because I worked it out.

Third, parents are people, just like you. A few are bad parents (bad people), others are loving (good people) and the in between just DO NOT KNOW HOW to be good parents even though they try (people who try to do better). People flaw, and if children can understand that, they will have a better time getting along with their parents.

I have a question or two (or several). How do you celebrate your parents' birthdays or special occasions? How about, how do you treat your parents everyday? Do you greet them as you come home or say goodbye to them when they leave the house? Do you ask them how their day was? Do you talk to them about yourself so that they learn more about you? Do you know who your parents' friends are? Do you know your parents' favorite things?

How's your overall relationship with your parents? Notice the word relationship and think about what it means.

I am sorry that didn't have a wonderful birthday. That isn't something that a young girl should miss out on. I hope things will go better for you next year.

[*mona lisa*]

wow my birthday was one the 18th too, but it wasn't that bad. omg i stil can't believed you would cut yourself. if that happened to me, i would break something and cry until i can't cry anymore.

[xj_liana_tx]

I have a question or two (or several). How do you celebrate your parents' birthdays or special occasions? How about, how do you treat your parents everyday? Do you greet them as you come home or say goodbye to them when they leave the house? Do you ask them how their day was? Do you talk to them about yourself so that they learn more about you? Do you know who your parents' friends are? Do you know your parents' favorite things?

How's your overall relationship with your parents? Notice the word relationship and think about what it means.

my relationship with my parents aren't that great, we never really talk all that much, mainly because i don't know how to talk to them, trust me, i've tried, and so have they. but whenever i try to talk to them, they backfire right at me for most of the times, and that's why i've learned to keep things to myself.

[yupimchuck]

happy birthday

im sorry that happened to you.. but i dont have anything to say.. sorry

[xj_liana_tx]

^ Thank you :)

[NatiMarie]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened. That's so terrible that they did that. I mean, it's your birthday once a year and they could have at least shown a little more respect.

:[
*Huggle*
Happy Belated Birthday.

[Just_Dream]

Wow, and I thought my situation was worse. My parents don't even let me go out or anything for my birthday. And most of my friends forget it's my birthday anyway. And 20$ sunglasses? Bleh my dad got mad at first when my sister asked him to buy 60$ sunglasses, which were on sale. Haha yea he bought it for her though. After some arguing.

I truly do hope things will turn out better than it is right now. I agree with uninspiredfae; maybe if you tried to communicate with them more, get them to understand your needs. No, not the needs of getting your hair dyed, to go shopping, etc. Get them to understand that you need love and comfort. If they think you're a baby, then tell them to love you as if you were still a baby. If they say you're too old to be taken care of blah blah blah, then tell them that you need the freedom that you deserve.

Of course my parents sacrificed alot so I could be where I am today, but we all have to make sacrifices. Nothing is perfect, people do flaw, like fae said. And most of all, take into consideration what uninspiredfae said when she said "what's that going to prove?" about your cutting. Psychiatrists can help. Try to talk to anyone about it, any close friends. You don't have any? How can that be? And even so, I'm sure your friend, who is "in a worse situation" would still take the time to try to talk to you. You seem to know that she is in a worse situation, thus she must've talked to you about her problems. Don't you deserve a friend who will listen to your problems?

I do have sympathy for you because I am able to dye my hair and I do get to go shopping and whatnot, but I mean, even so, I still have to deal. I still have to argue with my parents.. But see, I don't show my parents my fear. I've hated my parents for alot of things and there's SO many times that I've cried... but try to work it out. Eventually they'll have to listen. And most of all, don't let their opinions hurt you. No one can fully control you, and most importantly, someone like you shouldn't be treated this way, no one should. You have to talk to them about it. Even though it hurts and they'll yell, yell back. DON'T show them your fear of them; when you cry, it shows them that they CAN hurt your feelings. Even though it might be hard to do, talk to them about it. If they continue to yell, maybe you should contact social services. They've made you so depressed about things that you've even resorted to cutting yourself.

[xj_liana_tx]

^ I've yelled back before and that didn't work out so well, so now i am all about the silence treatment. Also, i don't want to make the matter worse by doing it, my dad doesn't have a very good heart condition and I don't either by genes, so even though i am very easily agitated, i try to keep things to myself as best as i can.
My friend... I don't think I should complain to her about my situation, she really does have enough to deal with, her situation is truly about life and death.
About the social services, my dad had brought up the subject many times before, he said that if I call the social services, i'll be sent away and i will not be able to see them and all these horrible things. See the other thing i really hate about my parents is that they just keep bringing up these horrible scenarios (like how my dad say he is going to die sooner and stuff like that)... They think that I don't care for them at all and that I am just an overly spoiled brat.

Well I DID try to communicate with my parents, but the conversation would soon turn bad, and my parents would use what i say and add it to their lectures for me. and so i don't really talk to them anything about my social life. My parents don't care about my social life anyways, they think it's stupid and it's useless. So really, the only subject of our conversation is my grades. And i am really stressed out and pressured right now because they basically depend on how i do in school, everything they did is for my academic achievements... And I get really scared when my dad talk to me about my finals grades (I already know them and i didn't get A's in two class, and i still don't know how to break it to them).

So, cutting and not eating is really the only things i could do... I probably won't cut again since i am really sensitive to pain and blood... So yeah.

[Nicolatofu]

no!!! Jay!!! you can't do that to yourself!!! how bout you just run that's what i do when i'm really mad. Don't cut yourself

[xj_liana_tx]

no!!! Jay!!! you can't do that to yourself!!! how bout you just run that's what i do when i'm really mad. Don't cut yourself

Like i said in the previous post/reply.. I am probably not going to cut myself again since i was deathly scared of the pain and the blood. Well, there aren't really any places that I can run to...

[Just_Dream]

Mmm I see... Aww you have a weak heart condition? Aww Well he should know that being as temperamental as he is won't make his heart condition any better, only worse. And personally, he should appreciate all the hard work you've been doing for school and whatnot. He should know that no one's perfect. And well, you still need to talk to someone about it.

Actually my friend called social services because her father (or mother, or both) was being temperamental and even took her font and broke it and she cried and ran away. She went to school the next day, but had to go to the counselor and thus missed a whole day of classes. She's still recovering, one day at a time, from it.

And it seems as if it's mainly just your father that's acting this way. What about your mother? Try to reason with her and get her to understand how you feel. Maybe she's just scared of your father.

Anyway, well maybe it's best that you don't talk to them too soon. Maybe the silent treatment is good, but eventually you'll have to fix this.

You know what? My dad gets very angry alot of times, and i remember I tweezed my eyebrows back freshman year and he's like "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR EYEBROWS?! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Honestly, does my eyebrows look like a whore or something? He acts as if only whores tweeze their eyebrows and dye their hair. My dad is crazy. My mother finally stood up to him and I backed her up. My father's done crazy things and he's hurt my family so much, but now that he hurt our family the most, my mother just ignores him while he's yelling. And I talk back to my father and cuss at him. He gets angry, but hey, personally I could care less. I realized that I shouldn't let one person affect my life so much.

I know there are times where you'd feel like you're all alone and no one's there to help you and no one is there to talk to about this, so all you can do is cry and want to die. Believe me, I've wanted to kill myself so many times... I've never actually done it, but often, in the past, I would be hold a knife and hold it right on top of my wrist, or while I look through the kithcen drawers and I'd find a butcher knife.. There's so many times where I'd feel like I should've ended my life.

But take it from a person who's had to deal with alot of family problems. I've even been in the situation where my father held a big sharp butcher knife 6 inches away from my face! I don't want sympathy from anyone. So don't feel alone in all of this. Currently, my father is away in Vietnam (his infidelity... how pathetic), so I don't have to deal with this. When uninspiredfae talked about good and bad parents, and in between, my father truly is a bad parent. He doesn't care about anything but himself, he's selfish. But my mother is in between, trying to be a good parent.

Just remember that in 3 years, you'll be 18. You'll be able to fully control your life and live life the way you want to. Remember that you have a future to look forward to, and don't let your parents get in the way. No one's perfect. Your father may get angry and always yell at you, but remember that in the future, you can always move far away from them.

And about eating. Don't stop eating. You're only hurting yourself. Not eating and cutting yourself is only making things worse.

[*xcaitlinx*]

aw im so sorry. i know what its liek to have a sucky ass day, but i never thought that someone could have a horrible birthday. theres no way that i can relate to you, since i dont know u, so all i can do is sympasize and hope that ur christmas is better!

[xj_liana_tx]

Mmm I see... Aww you have a weak heart condition? Aww  Well he should know that being as temperamental as he is won't make his heart condition any better, only worse. And personally, he should appreciate all the hard work you've been doing for school and whatnot. He should know that no one's perfect. And well, you still need to talk to someone about it.

Actually my friend called social services because her father (or mother, or both) was being temperamental and even took her font and broke it and she cried and ran away. She went to school the next day, but had to go to the counselor and thus missed a whole day of classes. She's still recovering, one day at a time, from it.

And it seems as if it's mainly just your father that's acting this way. What about your mother? Try to reason with her and get her to understand how you feel. Maybe she's just scared of your father.

Anyway, well maybe it's best that you don't talk to them too soon. Maybe the silent treatment is good, but eventually you'll have to fix this.

You know what? My dad gets very angry alot of times, and i remember I tweezed my eyebrows back freshman year and he's like "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR EYEBROWS?! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Honestly, does my eyebrows look like a whore or something? He acts as if only whores tweeze their eyebrows and dye their hair. My dad is crazy. My mother finally stood up to him and I backed her up. My father's done crazy things and he's hurt my family so much, but now that he hurt our family the most, my mother just ignores him while he's yelling. And I talk back to my father and cuss at him. He gets angry, but hey, personally I could care less. I realized that I shouldn't let one person affect my life so much.

I know there are times where you'd feel like you're all alone and no one's there to help you and no one is there to talk to about this, so all you can do is cry and want to die. Believe me, I've wanted to kill myself so many times... I've never actually done it, but often, in the past, I would be hold a knife and hold it right on top of my wrist, or while I look through the kithcen drawers and I'd find a butcher knife.. There's so many times where I'd feel like I should've ended my life.

But take it from a person who's had to deal with alot of family problems. I've even been in the situation where my father held a big sharp butcher knife 6 inches away from my face! I don't want sympathy from anyone. So don't feel alone in all of this. Currently, my father is away in Vietnam (his infidelity... how pathetic), so I don't have to deal with this. When uninspiredfae talked about good and bad parents, and in between, my father truly is a bad parent. He doesn't care about anything but himself, he's selfish. But my mother is in between, trying to be a good parent.

Just remember that in 3 years, you'll be 18. You'll be able to fully control your life and live life the way you want to. Remember that you have a future to look forward to, and don't let your parents get in the way. No one's perfect. Your father may get angry and always yell at you, but remember that in the future, you can always move far away from them.

And about eating. Don't stop eating. You're only hurting yourself. Not eating and cutting yourself is only making things worse.

Well I guess i can just hold this off for another while since i really don't know WHO to talk to, and about the counselors, i really don't want to miss my classes (I try to get the most of the hours in school), i mean, at least i wrote everything here on CB, it makes me feel a lot better. My dad doesn't approve of my eyebrows either and a lot of other stuff (sleepovers, hair, earrings, clothes....), traditionalism... I get pretty angry about it once in a while, but i get over it because i think of all the other people who are living in africa and stuff. My dad NEVER held the knife to my face, he wouldn't do something physically extreme, well, my grandfather did (let's not get into that)... But when he yells at me, it's like he is sometimes holding a knife to me mentally. I can't believe that he sometimes say these stuff, he would call me names, compare me to other asian kids, talk about how my future is going to be ruined, and i especially can't stand it when he talks about his own health and about how I am not obligated to stay in US... I mean, it really hurts my feelings, and whenever he is giving me these lectures, i just cry and concur with him on his points so he doesn't get overly angry for his own health.
My mom sacrificed her job to come here and supervise me on how i am doing in school, she is softer than my dad, she never tells me anything my dad tells me, but sometimes i just feel like she is constantly complaining about me. And well she is mostly on my dad's side because they both have one main goal: to make me a successful person. My mom doesn't really work well with my dad, and they argue a lot themselves, ever since i was in kindergarden, they would tell me that if it weren't for me, they would've been divorced long time ago. And so all i can do really is just listen to them and do what they want me to do and do good in school. I mean, i really have all these pressure building on top of me. i try to be perfect and i try to get involved in every single opportunity. Sometimes i just feel like i am suffocating. I mean, i think about all the stuff that i can do to myself (suicide..being anorexic...) and just like you, i've thought them through for multiple times, but after all, i am what i need to survive and if i am hurting myself things won't get better. So i try to hurt myself on a temporary basis sometimes, well even though i am probably not considering cutting ever again, cutting is actually a temporary situation since it heals up.

This post has been edited by xj_liana_tx: Dec 20 2004, 07:10 PM

[Euphoria Rose]

Awwww.....sorry about your birthday. Happy Belated Birthday, though! Your parents are messed up. I would have talk to my counselors if I were in your situation. My parents aren't that bad, they only yell at me when I do something wrong and that's not very often either. Hope you are feeling all right. And also keep in mind that cutting won't prove anything to your parents, and I'm thankful thatt you decided to stop it too.

[xj_liana_tx]

Awwww.....sorry about your birthday. Happy Belated Birthday, though! Your parents are messed up. I would have talk to my counselors if I were in your situation. My parents aren't that bad, they only yell at me when I do something wrong and that's not very often either. Hope you are feeling all right. And also keep in mind that cutting won't prove anything to your parents, and I'm thankful thatt you decided to stop it too.

thank you. I won't talk to my counselors, i don't want to miss any of my classes because i try to get the most of my school time.

[The 1 and only J...]

damn better then my birthday. at least your parents knew it was your birthday. damn i got yelled at and screamed at cause i wanted to go out but my parents said that i couldn't because they said i needed to clean the whole house because i left my plate out after breakfast. and i didn't get the one thing i always look forward to when it's my birthday. cause usually my dad calls me cause my parents are divorced and my mom got reamaired but yeah my dad calls me and i get to tlak to him and every thing. but he couldn't call me so that made it even worse. and then my step dad was like y the f**k are u so sad? 17 year olds shouldn't look f**king sad. i was like wtf didn't even know my age cause im only 15 but yeah. at lest yours was better then mine

[xj_liana_tx]

^ wow, man, i can feel your pain. Thats what parents say "Why you so sad.. you shouldn't feel sad." I mean, its so cruel.

[*x____duckii*]

I'm sorry =[ Parents can be such asses and it seems like yours are (no offense.) When your parents are yelling at you and such, tell them to shut up and tell them if they really did care about you, they'd stop. Oh yeah, and talk to your friends about this...never hurt yourself—it's never a smart thing to do. Hope you feel better.

[Nicolatofu]

Like i said in the previous post/reply.. I am probably not going to cut myself again since i was deathly scared of the pain and the blood. Well, there aren't really any places that I can run to...

well that's good! If you ever need people to talk to, you know you have us here at cb

[miss barnes]

i'm really sorry about your situation. I really wish that there was something i could say that someone hasnt already said.

[Spirited Away]

<Edit>I realized that what I wrote was too personal and decided to take it off, sorry. Just to let you know though, what you're going through with your Dad is something I had a problem with as well. And Just Dream, I understand your situation (about affairs) as well seeing how it was confirmed that I have a living half brother somewhere. But things are just dandy now in my family. <Edit>

I ask you to examine the word relationship. Did you?

As for hurting yourself, or suicide, in my opinion, is the coward's way.

[xj_liana_tx]

^ i did, actually i was thinking about it before you mentioned it. you can read what I wrote in my previous replies.

See, that's why i wrote the whole thing on CB here, i mean, i can express my feelings freely without worrying, and you guys can give me good advices. Thank you all.

[Spirited Away]

No, babe. I asked you to also examine the word relationship and what it means. What you said to me about your "relationship" with your parents didn't really tell me much.

Actually, it tells me a lot about you. Let me explain.

There was a reason as to why I asked you about what you do for your parents. Relationship works all directions. What I've heard is mainly what your parents are doing to/for your, not what you're doing for your parents.

As in, a relationship doesn't just constitute what one person does for another, but it includes what everyone in that relationship do for one another.

Also, it's not fair to just hear from one side of the story.

What do your parents do? My Dad used to come home an ogre because he had to perform intense labor. He was a hard man to deal with because he has it tough at work and unconsciously displace his anger, his troubles, on his family. My Mom used to work two jobs so she never had time to talk to me, therefore, she didn't understand me well to help me with anything of my problems.

A family relationship isn't just about you, it's about everyone in the family.