i ruined it T.T, i could've fixed it but... Options

[nlgrl]

i dont know what happened ok so heres the story..

me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago and... ive never been soo unhappy in my whole life... its have an effect on my friends and everything because im always so jolly and such. well we both care for each other STILL but the reason he broke up with me is because of my "shyness" im not SHY its just that... im really quiet around him and we broke up so we could be friends and all and i could talk to him like i do with every one elce... then when we get past that "we could get past anything" as he would say... so now we're broken up and i understood that there was still a chance for us and its not completly over... well even thought he's a friend now i still cant talk to him... i dont kno how to explain it... u kno how your talking to all you friends and such and when you boyfriend comes then all of a sudden your quiet? well thats me... i dont want to be like this but its like... me mind reflexes or something... i'm probably thinking that he'll think im stupid for saying something i think is stupid.... but I KNOW he wont judge me for what i say or like me any less... i keep telling myslef that but i dont kno what happens when im around him.. i WANT to talk to him but i dont kno whats stopping me... and now he's really upset cuz of it and i cant help it... im just as mad at myself as he is with the situation... i cry my self to sleep most nights and things just arent the same... mm does ne one know whats wrong with me? why i cant just say what i want to say?... ahh dont be mean about it cuz... i feel bad enough for doing this to him