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[TheSilenceInDict...]

I wrote this today - just thinking about the frustrating night before, spilling it all out, writting furiously and even hurriedly, not stopping for even a second.
I typed it up directly from what I wrote, no edits or fixes.
She's already seen this, but I figured I'd post it up...mostly for a free post.
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Letter

______Looking back on it now, I was angry and ashamed when I realized how weak I was. How I might've looked too much into hopelessness as I often did before. She did little talking on her part as I went on about the negatives, my loneliness, my fear of letting life slip off my hands again, my resentment of my parents - my mistakes. Selfish. I was selfish.
______I think about how she mentioned an ex-boyfriend of hers, one of those emotional types, and how she looked down on it. Insecurity always swept me by the feet, placing me in front of a non-existent mirror, forcing myself to compare. Because if you can't compare to someone that the person let go - better yourself than him - then what makes you any more special to be worth holding on to?
______I was blinded. I was careless, finding myself overwhelmed and slaved by things only someone weak would falter to. I was weak, and had let it all get to me. I remember being quick to dismiss her reassuring insight, not caring to stop myself and actually listen. Listen. I, instead, rambled on, cursing - cursing everything, cursing my lungs off until I grew deaf to my own words. But even then I continued to curse.
______Was it the situation I was in? Or was it my true natural reaction to things, my true strength revealed? Except...it wasn't strength at all - rather, pure weakness. With tears blurring my vision, with the screams outside my door pounding into my head with an escalating beat, I knew. Right then and there, I knew. I was still soft. And I suddenly came to the realization that I had unknowingly let her know as well.