Wings Options

[LadyXTor]

I walked into the doorway of my parents room and looked at my parents type rapidly on their keyboards. Again, I am unnoticed in their world... I walked outside into the pouring rain, my barefoot feet feeling the wet blades of the grass. I walked slowly to my dad's office, at least a mile away. I trudged into the lobby of his office building and walked into the stuffed elevator, me being the only one wet. I finally arrived on the top floor and I opened the stairwell and trekked one more floor, counting each step as i ascended. "24 steps." I sighed as I opened the door to the roof. I looked up into the grey skies and watched as the raindrops splattered into a dozen pieces in the palm of my hand.
"I can finally spread my wings and fly...i'm not in anyones world but my own. I can...spread my wings..." I chanted to myself, my voice no higher than a whisper. I stepped to the edge of the building, took a deep breath...and jumped.

[tooeffingcrazy]

wow, thats really scary. good deatails i love your stories ;D

[TheSilenceInDict...]

I like the concept and the ending of your story, but...the structure seemed really awkward. Almost every sentence began with 'I' and I think you should've tried different approaches.

[swtxcatastrophe]

Wow.