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suicide, tell me wat u think!!
the...bob
post Oct 22 2004, 01:16 AM
Post #1


the...bob
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ok im not depressed or nething but i was really mad wen i wrote this ok:

suicide:

i cannot live
i cannot die
i cannot cease the flow of time
so i pass,
from one plane to another
its not your fault,
dear mother and father
i leave you now
with this note of despair
i feel it now
the hands of death
always and forever,cold and bare
so now i lie
at the foot of my bed,
the blood flowing freely
from
my
head

critisims is required!! i INSIST
 
jambaJUICE
post Oct 23 2004, 02:43 AM
Post #2


Can't have the hand without the cock.
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sounds like teen angst. Lol.

Its not bad, but its not good.
Dont know what else to say..
 
interwoven.reali...
post Oct 23 2004, 02:53 AM
Post #3


I'm The True Reality
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don't commit suicide
 
the...bob
post Oct 23 2004, 11:20 AM
Post #4


the...bob
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Group: Member
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haahaa! ok im NOT gunna commit suicide, i just liked that theme wen the words came into my mind, i just wrote w/e came and this poem is wat came. so like lol....dun get freaked, *EVERYONE I SHOW THIS TOO GETS FREAKED LOL*
 
Ekay
post Oct 24 2004, 12:28 AM
Post #5


Eternal Syn
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It's odd...I will say that. This is what I think, From my head, should be one line. Everything else I think is fine.
 
goofipinay
post Oct 24 2004, 09:17 AM
Post #6


can't believe I let people call me Lynne on here 5 yrs ago o
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its pretty good, i think
 
*Weird addiction*
post Oct 24 2004, 10:01 AM
Post #7





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that's nice
 

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