family relationships..., problems... Options

[aud_chua]

(i didn't really know where to put this... but it's a kind of "relationship" problem, right???)

this has been bothering me for a really long time already....
just wanted to see if anyone can help me out here...

your mother wants to be that "caring" person she's supposed to be. as a result, she invades too much of your private space. then, she also wants to "help" you with your school work. she ends up being demanding. one more thing, she calls her wild mood-swings and yelling as "lessons."
i truly love my mother but she makes it so hard to understand. yelling every single day, and telling me that i'm not good enough... that doesn't seem like a good mom. i mean.. just the other day, i told her that my school's mock trial team didn't advance to the state finals. guess what she said. "you're team is just not good enough. accept it." she could have said something more comforting..

aside from my aggravating mother, i have these two elder sisters. aside from being older than me, nothing else makes them what they are. i mean.. they depend on me for so many things. both of them act so immaturely, it's not funny. one of them always asks for help with her homework and term papers. while i stay at home and do it for her, she goes out and party with her boyfriend. when i do tell her to do her work by herself, she counters me. "what kind of a sister are you?!?! why won't you help me!??!" that's what she'd say. and i'd try to explain that she has to be independent and learn things on her own. later, she'll tell me "you have to help me now!! i'll do my work next time!" but she never does... the other one is always acting like a child, i have to watch over her every second when i'm out with her. in some aspects, she's mature, i.e. holding a job. but other than that, her attitude is like a child. she throws tantrums easily. then she looks at cartoons all the time and tries to emmulate them. also, some of her actions are not proper. i try to correct her but she makes it impossible. she tells me, "i was born this way! there's nothing you can do..!"
i only have so much patience and endurance in this body. there comes a point when i just want to scream at them. but then, they're my older sisters, my kin.. i don't want to seem like i'm being mean..

so my question is...
what should i do?? should i be indifferent to my feelings or tell them? should i ignore them? or something...

tnx very much for taking the time to read this! ^_^

[noaccounthere]

For your mother. A good rounded discussion would help tell your mom we need to talk. Then set a time for both of you. So no one interrupts so be like Okay Ill talk from 10:00 to 10:20 and then afterwards you get 20 minutes.

I tried it and it works except on stuff when my mom is strict on some stuff. Where a formal discussion wont get anywhere. In that case I bring it up with dad. My dad usually shares the same views as me and he ends up talking to mom.

However, if mom and dad share same views. Then theres nothing left but to just take it in one ear and out the other. If they bug you in homework, then do homework and when they ask for help smile and say no im fine thank you. If they invade your privacy, well find ways so they cant, if you have your own computer put passwords or hide your files, if its not on the computer find a good place to put them in with a lock.

Sadfully I gotta do this since my parents are always up my case. I mean its nothing im hiding but its the fact their invading my privacy. One thing to remember moms will be moms dads will be dads parents will be parents.

Usually their right and we should put their viewpoint into consideration.

As for your sisters... Bring back the words to them... "What kind of sister treats me like a slave to do all your work while you get to go out. So what if youll do it next time, your not doing it this time! Why dont you do my work and I go out? Why is it always me doing your WORK! being your sister doesnt mean doing your work or your responsibilities."

Try that. Dont let the guilt trip get to you, because the guilt should be on them not you.

[*Podomaht*]

your just like me. i unfortunatly have no solution though, because i always end up yelling at my mom, and i always end up fighting with my sister...if you could give me and and_chua some more info, we'ld we gratefull.

---edit---
thanks for help just_some_boi

[xjjajeengx]

i feel you... i have family problems as well. even tho i dont gots a sister and stuff, its only me and my mom at home. ever since i was a child, i was so messed up cause i felt sad wen my dad wasnt there. wen we had fahter's day, my dad wouldnt be there. wen it was my bday, daddy wouldnt be there. he was never there since kindergarten till 4th grade, and by that time, i was already quite angry with him. we dont talk anymore, he doesnt call, its like i dont him.
aside from that, my mom has this problem with like trying to manipulate me to get me to follow her orders. she'll tell me 6 hours of study everyday (but i never listen lmao) she has problems. its just gay. she told me if i dont make it to troy IB, then im a failure to her and the rest of her family. -_-x

anyways! hmm...
as for your mother, i wouldnt noe. maybe talk it out, but if your like me, i wouldnt talk it out cause im too just... stubborn. just try to understand her i guess. if you think what she is saying is wrong, tell her why you feel that way. but if she asks of something you can do, try to do it for her. actually, i think getting in fights wih parents in a way is a good thing, because it helps you guys compromise and teaches ur parents what they are doing wrong. if you dont say anything all your life, then your just gunna end up being on the pityful side. or at least, thats how it is for me... but in my case, i try to listen cause my mom is by herself, and i dont want to make anythin worse unless she is making my life plain out miserable.
as for your sisters, just ignore what they say and stuff. if one of them makes you do her hmwk and crap, do it really crappy so she'll get an F. it'll teach her to do her own sh!T. and if she complains to you, complain back to her. i hate people like that... never doing their own work and dd0ng.
and your other sister? if shes being childish, be the one thass mature. it'll hopefully give you more pride and more respect from them

[Just_Dream]

I am the youngest in my family. My mother depends on me to do stuff, like she's always calling me do "get this" or "do that" when I'm busy doing something, and my sister's just sitting on the couch, watching TV! Sometimes, it seems that family members don't really appreciate what you do for them, huh?

And I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like I'm in your shoes, aud_chua because I do my boyfriend's work. I typed up essays for him because I don't want him to stress. I tell my friends that HE does it because I don't want people to think that my boyfriend's stupid and I don't want people to think he's using me. he's NOT USING me, though. It's just that he stresses sometimes, but I'm usually the one that stresses out the most. I want to be the girlfriend/wife who supports her boyfriend/husband because I feel like it's my purpose in lofe to care for someone I truly love. Yes, my boyfriend does say that he appreicates what I do, but sometimes he doesn't. And sometimes I tell him "You're welcome?" and THEN he says "Thanks!" I know I shouldn't be complaining, but sometimes I feel so unappreciated. But only sometimes. I try to support my bf as much as I can, although sometimes I know I jsut can't, but I do anyway.
He's the only guy for me, but lately, I feel like the spark that was there is fading. Sorry this is off subject, but sometimes I feel as if someday, if my boyfriend can't get me to do something for him, he's leave me. But he truly loves me, he makes me so happy and what not, but then again, I feel as if I'm not good enough for him. Sometimes he says that I'm WAY too good for him. And everything I've been doing is for him. I'm trying to get good grades and help him in school and whatever I can. I've been getting good grades so I can get a good job, such as a pharmacist, so that I can support my husband-to-be boyfriend in the future. I don't want him to worry about anything anymore. I guess you could say I'm a hopeless romantic...

[aud_chua]

thanks very much for the advice! ^_^ they are much appreciated..
well.. i think that the problem with my sisters are bearable.. just that.. it's irritating sometimes.. but i'll try to talk to them about it...
as for my mother.. *shakes head* she's like... hopeless.. cuz whenever i try to talk to her.. she ends up saying, "no. what i do for you is best. you don't argue with me!" or sometimes, she'll threaten me again.. like.. she'll kick me out of the house or something..
man.... she's just plain scary, my mom.. i guess i understand why she's like this.. stress from work and all that.. but she gets carried away sometimes..

[xjjajeengx]

awww... aud_chua... cheer up! who noes... maybe getting in a huge fight with your mom and rebelling agianst her and saying once and for all everything you possibly have to say to her might fix your relationship up with her... well anyways! me, aka stranger= here for you!

[aud_chua]

aww...!
*hugs*
thanks very much xjjajeengx! ^_^

[Jiggapin0]

All I gotta says is....I'm glad my parents are computer illiterate and that I only have one younger sister who's just as smart or maybe even smarter than me.

[axprincezz]

i understand your situation all too clearly because i had the same problems with my mother when i was in high school. i know it's hard to see it now, but i've come to realize that she only wanted to push me to be better. it truly was for my own benefit and i respect her for that. unfortunately, when i was in high school, i of course didn't see it that way and fought back with her in any way possible. i rebelled thinking she deserved it but it only made our relationship worse. to this day, our relationship is deeply scarred and it is still hard for us to get along. now things are getting better because i moved out but, i still wish i coulda strengthened a great relationship rather than breaking it down because of my own selfishness and 'teenage angst'. i hope this sheds light on your situation.

[*jimmyjackiechan*]

I read enough in skool, so I only read the first few sentences.

All i gotta say from experience, after u leave ur fam (college, army, watever) then u will finally relieze what they offered and what they did and why. Then U'll understand. (not sounding mean, I don't know how to put it in couple of seconds I am on this comp)

have a nice night~

[aud_chua]

well.. i have experienced being away from them. as in, really away from them.. cuz at one point in my life, my mom and sisters moved to san francisco. and i was left in the philippines by myself.. at that time, 10% of me missed them.. 90% felt really happy to be by myself.. to be away from them....
so... i dunno... i just hope that i'll be in good terms with them soon... but still, my mom just pisses me off so much..! every single thing i do is wrong to her.. nothing is good enough for her.. she thinks that i can be like her, a valedictorian in high school and cum laude in college.... i know that it's normal for parents to have great expectations of their kids.. but she's doing too much! i've already done the best i can. and still she pushes me over the edge! it's like.. she doesn't give me the space and free time i want/need... man, i even have to give excuses to go out.. like.. i tell her that i have study group on weekends just to hang out with my friends... *shakes head*