Createblog diary., version 2 Options

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,

I feel like I don't know who my friends are anymore. I don't tell anyone who I like. I don't tell anyone what I feel. The people I thought were my friends don't listen to me. They don't even notice me anymore. Is that supposed to happen? Are they really my friends?

I find that I despise having to hang out with them now. They talk about topics that are irrelevant to everything. Stupid even. And that stupidity is driving me away. I can't stand how they spend half an hour just blabbing about something like.. I don't even know. I can't even feign interest in what they talk about. I hate how nobody notices anything about me. I'm not trying to whore attention. I'm just hoping that some of them are really my friends, yanno? Apparently not.

Maybe it's because they're all girls, with the exception of Jason. I can't stand girls. I despise their drama. I abhor their nature. I hate girls. And yet I am one. I embody everything I hate about them, so why do I dislike them so much? I adore attention and being the only girl in a group of guys. I know so many more guys than girls, but I know none of them well enough to chill with them. I love how guys will listen, or at least pretend to. I love how they know how to make me smile and laugh. I love everything about them. And yet at the same time, I don't.

I think I'm going through one of those extremist phases again. One where I get really anti-social and just hate people, in general. I mean, I only hate on more than half of the people I see every day. But really, they're just so.. superficial and.. for lack of a better word, stupid.

But what do I really want in this world? Do I want everyone to be like me? Sarcastic and bitter? Am I asking that everyone I know ridicule and poke fun at me? I doubt it. I just can't stand being here, among these idiots who are booksmart but street stupid. It's horrible, having to be just the opposite of that: I have no booksmarts, but I'd be able to make it in the streets. It's horrible.

There's so much pressure on me to do well in my classes so I'll be able to get into a good college in shit, but I'll never measure up. I never do. I mean, I'm taking 2 APs, 2 Honors, 6 classes total, and I have.. what is it? 2As 3Bs and 1 C. Stupid. I'm not even as smart as the sophomores in my classes. What is this?

I'm only fifteen. I shouldn't be a junior. But that makes it even worse, knowing that I should be at their level. I should me smart, genious even. But I'm not. I don't have the patience, the willpower, or the knowledge to be able to pull of a GPA of over 4.0. I won't be able to get into Cornell like I want to. I'll be stuck at home, getting bitched at every day for things I didn't do.

It's depressing really, when I think about life in general. School, especially. But what am I supposed to do? Shut up and live it out.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

"Keep going, keep trying.. no matter how hurt you are, inside or out, if you just pull yourself through, you'll make it out, and you'll go far."

I'm everything I hate. At least I can say for myself that I'm not homophobic. But seriously? Just wow. It's amazing what a little self reflection does. Thanks for being here, diary. That's all I can say now. Thanks, ever so much.

Until next time,
- Me.

[rockmyx]

dear cb diary,

my friends and l have alot of problem right now and l can get it out of my head. school sucks these days and l hate it. l hate my prof., l hate my classmate and most of all l hate the subject. l acn stand it any more. l cannot study well coz my prof. always look at me as if l was the only student in his class:stubborn: she always blame me if something bad happen in his class. l want to drop his subject but l cant coz Mio was in his class too. Nothing much happen today, l attend my classes, eat lunch alone, play badminton with my friend and go to work, like l always do. life sucks!

[Rachel]

lets see....i miss my semi boyfriend back home and im going on a date with a crazy guy from my spanish class



hot sex tonite? maaaybe....NOT

[ANG33ZY]

DEAR DIARY,

I went to school. Same ol` same ol`. Oh yeah, and I saw him of course :D. he's so hottt. muahaha. okay. TGIF.

[sharerol]

Dear cB diary,

Today was okay, I guess. I was really hyper in the afternoon. But my friends kinda pissed me off. We're doing a play for Thanksgiving. I got the smallest part. Haha, less to memorize. Yeah, that's pretty much my day.

--Cheryl

[faithin_felix]

dear diary,

today i think i did bad on my final grade 12 math test for first term, i'm so scared. ><"
i hope i get an 86 at least please

>>faithin felix

[weirdness]

dear cB diary

i dont like diaries. they dont work. well this is a cB diary o__o

i woke up. i went on aim. i went on cB. now im here.
im bored im always bored i feel bored right now. bored bored bored bored

-me

is this a spam? lol

[x_pink_jessie_x]

[ d e a r d i a r y ]

2day was a very interestin day...I dun noe why..

[ <3 w u v j e s s i e ]

[PinkTrash]

dear diary,

hm. i gave the accounts back, being nice. i get effing nothing back. i knew it. i suck. i hate this. eff.

</3

[ANG33ZY]

Dear Diary,

I am sleepy. I just had Jack In The box. It was yummy ;]. *yawn* I can't wait till Christmas, muahah..

<3 angie;delight

[faithin_felix]

dear diary,

today i found out one of my long known friends is moving back to HK, i'll really miss him. hope he comes back one day.

>>faithin felix

[dreamerOi]

dear diary,

i live in a fantasy.

linda.

[faithin_felix]

dear diary,

today i had a test and i think i did okay on it, good luck to me on my chemistry homework quiz tommorow. good luck in english class, and may i get good sleep tonight so because Tuesdays are long and i need sleep. i have tutor after. thankyou! may god blesss you all. thankyou

>>faithin felix

[PinkTrash]

dear diary,

marc garneau TOPS program was introduced to us today. but that wasnt the big thing really, HE WAS. yes him. idunno. am i doing the right thing? this isnt a seirous relationship, and its not working out for me. for him, yeh but no.

[rockmyx]

dear me,

l just cant stand it any more. l hate you, lf l see you in the hallway l will kill you. how could you do this to me. You suppose to be my friend but look what have you done to me. my life ruin just because of you

[emojournal]

Dear Journal,

Tomorrow I commit Emotional Suicide. Seems I can't control my feelings anymore. Jessica is mad at me. Kelly is mad at me. I seem to just disappoint everyone anymore and become more rageful. I know I'm not this way. I'm not liking what I'm becoming, but it is hard to battle this demon. Being bi-polar sucks!!! So I have no choice but to go back on Lithium. Tomorrow I go see the doctor and get my prescription going again. I don't like it at all. I know it will just be like last time. It feels so much like death. You wonder around this earth feeling nothing and not caring even if the next day comes. I want to feel! Why have I been cursed with this? I guess God didn't want me to have the luxury to be able to feel? I wish I could have controlled it... Goodbye happiness, goodbye sadness, goodbye anger, goodbye love... you were the best.... now it will be nothingness...

Michael

[jambaJUICE]

Dear CBDiary,

I haven't written in you in awhile.
Things have gotten worse again.
But i dont care right?
Yeah, im just that f**king bitch they keep talking about.

-Stephanie

And to keep in mind, I have some intentions for my prayer tonight.
One for basketball. One for thanksgiving. One for my family.
And one for Michael up there ^.

[dreamerOi]

dear diary,

today roger. told me he will commit suicide. i remember when i used to feel that way. &when i actually did yet failed. twice. but now i live a great life. now when i look at the past it hurts yet it doesnt make me fall. i still stand tall. i really can relate to him under some circumstances. &hes being selfish. he didnt think about the people he would hurt. he doesnt know what can be after this so called thing death. he tells me not to do stupid things. yet hes doing a stupid thing himself. i feel his pain. but i suppose he has to go through it himself. but the chances he might live are slim to none. im worried. i dont even know where he lives or anything. but i do know he will do it at the end of the school year. &definately i will stop him. even if it costs my own life. i dont really care. i cant go through another death. dont they even know how much it hurts. i almost went insane the last time. i cant handle it. i know he just wants to get away from it all. but he cant. damnit.

on the other note. richard out of the blue happens to im me yesterday night. have a nice conversation. &yet today he gets all jealous. all i know is everytime he and i have a fight of some sort. while a friend is going through a tough time. maybe a family member. but anyone i know thats going through a tough time and tells me. they happen to die. in a matter of days. this is what i fear. roger might also be like a few people i knew. im scared like heck. he plays a role in our society. &will play an even bigger one when he grows up. through his experiences and all this crud.

;&on the brighter note. steven misses me. hahaa. its only been a day. but he has to try to get through an entire week. eh im doing fine. hahaha.

prayers. to. roger. grandma. michael from above.

.linda.

[ANG33ZY]

Dear Diary,

Pretty much the whole day I stayed at home doing nothing. @ about 7 I went to Tao San Jin ( Chinese Restaurant ) with my dad and brother .. [[ My mom slept the whole day ]]. Had Chowmein, Sweet & Sour Chicken, & Prawns w/ Honey Walnuts.. Had like 2 servings .. I was madd hungry cause all I ate the whole day was 4 mini white castle burgers. heh. We we're going to go to the movies, but I really didn't care if we were going to or not .. Ended up going to Best Buy. Looked around .. I want that new EyeToy game .. & Uhhhhh. Now i'm bored.

Gee, Just seeing *him* once everyday makes my whole entire day.. but now that i'm on Thanksgiving Break, I miss him a lot. wah.. ..

<3 missangie.

[Heathasm]

wow
wtf
depression just likes to rape you at the most unnecessary and random times
I wish to buddha i could friggin stop feeling tired and sick
whats funny is the day my family is going to be here, drawing closer, is what's causing this
f**k
my brother just almost ripped my earring out that i JUST pierced because i didnt tell him his reminder for the f**king matrix came up
damn i need to get high
and i need to get high right before my family gets here so i will FIT IN with these freaking weirdo freaks

/rant

[PinkTrash]

dear cb diary,

day 3 of dating hot jock. i dont think i really lyke him ,i really hope he feels the same and i can be done with this and move on. im staying away from romance. its sucking. today, we didnt really do much, but yeah we talked atleast in history for awhile. he doesnt talk much. jocks are supposed to talk alot. he doesnt. SHIZ I WISHED HED TALK A LOT EFFING MORE. cuz hes boring. but hot. tomorrows the dance, i asked if he was still going. and he said not sure, why do you want me to? and I said yeah, and he said idunno. mmkay. and he said that his friends are getting pissed cuz hes taking their 'girl' i dont get this. shiz.

[emojournal]

Dear Diary,

So it seems I have to wait 24 days until I can get back on Litium. I told Jessica and Kelly I couldn't talk to them till I was on it. I didn't mean to be mean. I'm only protecting them from the harsh words I have been using lately. I love them both greatly and hate the way I have been treating them. Please give me strength God to make it the next 24 days and not end up in the hospital.

Michael

[lovescream]

lol... let me try

dear diary,
today was a half day at school. we had award day. we did no work, all we did was watch a movie, talk, and... meet a famous model that came to our school to talk about following ur dreams. i wanted an autograph, but i didnt get one. anyway... we watched finding nemo i brought in the DVD for my class. i feel special.
we also got reports cards. I got an A, C, B, A. my mother yelled at me for getting my first C. boy, aint that swell.
im bored now. bye cb diary.

uh... toby.<3

[faithin_felix]

dear diary,

my contacts ripped yesterday, had to get new ones today after school and it was raining hard.

>>faithin felix

[LittleLulu]

dear diary..

i broke up with him

everything's soo akward now.


......god save me.

........Alice-Liu---~~lulu~*