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Voodoo, pretty nasty jez so u kno
Grand_master_1
post Aug 9 2004, 06:02 PM
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WARNING:like mentioned this is pretty nasty


There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious type, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold eroctic toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo d1ck'."

"So what's up with this voodoo d1ck?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo d1ck, the door." The voodoo d1ck rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo d1ck, get back in your box!" The voodoo d1ck stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $1000 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo d1ck, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo d1ck. She got it out, and said "Voodoo d1ck, my pussy!" The voodoo d1ck shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo d1ck was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo d1ck, my ass!"
 
sushiluva
post Aug 9 2004, 06:26 PM
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lol that's mad sick but i've heard it before pinch.gif
 
xjjajeengx
post Aug 9 2004, 06:37 PM
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ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thass ehfing grosss pinch.gif eww wtf
 
POonSKi
post Aug 9 2004, 07:23 PM
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omg!! man.. this is gross*
 
diezelbabygrl_xo...
post Aug 9 2004, 07:32 PM
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Yum. =]
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OMG lol!! at first i was wonderin wat tha point of tha story was....but it made me laugh in tha end happy.gif
 
x hYpErRoSeY x
post Aug 9 2004, 07:34 PM
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ewww grossiez, poor police man x]
 
conster
post Aug 9 2004, 07:40 PM
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doot doot doot
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lmao poor police guy
 
MasterNe0
post Aug 9 2004, 08:13 PM
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I read this somewhere. Old joke.
 
elmogurly
post Aug 9 2004, 08:32 PM
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eww. that's gross
 
dani41790
post Aug 9 2004, 09:26 PM
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lol i heard that joke b4 frm mai fren a loooong time ago
 
laur3nw
post Aug 10 2004, 02:43 AM
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hahaha thats nasty >.<
 
tootsie_kiddo
post Aug 10 2004, 04:06 AM
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LMAO!!! i feel sry for the poor policedude with the voodoo doink up his ass, LOL laugh.gif
 
whomps
post Aug 10 2004, 04:08 AM
Post #13


:hammer:
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Lol I've heard that one before.. pretty funny.
 
Just AJ
post Aug 10 2004, 07:55 AM
Post #14


Is it maturity, or admitting defeat...?
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haha funny...*looks at disgusted faces*
...I mean, GROSS! That is sickening, just wrong!
Pssst...good joke lol I've heard this one before, but it's ok, not exactly PG-13, you might want to edit the P-word out...
 
yeseulx3
post Aug 10 2004, 08:24 AM
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oh eww... but funny lmao laugh.gif
 
nycxjohn
post Aug 10 2004, 12:45 PM
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werd i heard this before buh its still funny
 
F1R3B4T
post Aug 10 2004, 12:52 PM
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lol pity the police man
 
tofumonzter
post Aug 10 2004, 12:58 PM
Post #18


[[one piece :D
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hahahahha. poor police man. laugh.gif

"voodoo d1ck, yourslef"... laugh.gif
 
babixlilac
post Aug 10 2004, 01:56 PM
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lols..so dats why u should trust ppo..lols
 
pnai4eva
post Aug 10 2004, 03:51 PM
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LOl, that wuz sick but still funny! Poor policeman...
 
xLil SweetnezZx
post Aug 10 2004, 05:04 PM
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ewww >.<
 
ikayto
post Aug 10 2004, 07:24 PM
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ROFL.......nice one
 
True_Love
post Aug 10 2004, 09:21 PM
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EWWWW!!! poor lady!!! >.<
 
xtremeliquid
post Aug 10 2004, 09:25 PM
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I've heard this before.
 
F1R3B4T
post Aug 11 2004, 01:44 AM
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lloll lmao there are funnier things he coudl've sed that affected a wider range of people
 
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