tears on my pillow, ...pain in my heart caused by you. Options

[x3chrissyx3]

I’m having huge inner turmoil with the fact that I think in 2 or so years I will probably break up with my boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I love him with every piece of my soul…and I’m not sure why I feel this way…I just don’t want to do him any wrong. I would LOVE to marry him, and have a family, and have the life we always talk about, and now for a week I’ve been sitting in tears because I’ve been thinking about 2 years from now. With every part of me, I believe he is my soul mate, and regardless if we’re together or not, he just…is. There will NEVER be anyone who can replace him and what he means to me, at all…but, I just feel like it’s something I have to do. Some day, someone in his life will thank me for letting him go. He deserves nothing less than the best…and I’m just…not the best…and I wish I was. We are perfect together, perfect for each other…just…perfect, and I don’t want to even think about doing this…but I am, and I feel horrible inside, and when I talk to him it tears me apart…but everything is changing so quickly…and I feel like I need to have everything change. Then again, I’m speaking 2 years in advance. I pray to god he breaks up with me beforehand, even though it’ll hurt, it’ll hurt a little less than knowing I’m hopelessly in love with someone, in tears and I’m ending everything. I’m miserable about it, I just love him so much…and I think by giving myself 2 years, I’m in a sense absorbing all of our relationship, and understanding how much we mean to each other, while preparing myself for the most heartbreaking and heartfelt “good night’s” I will ever make in my life. I wish it could stay this year forever, and I could always have it this way, but sometimes life just isn’t fair like that. It’s times like this you know you have a heart because you feel it breaking…and…yeah, I’m crying…so I’ll stop.

I don’t know what kinda feedback I want…I just wanted to vent a little.

Thanks for…reading.