I desperately need advice Options

[loveneko]

I broke up my boyfriend. It’s a long story and I don’t feel like going into it. I’m talking to an old boyfriend now his name is Marcus. The guy I just broke up with is Johnny, Marcus’ friend. Yeah I know I was wrong for going out with the both of them, but all three of us are at fault.
Recently, Marcus has been very open and honest about the way he feels about me (we just started speaking again after a few months). It’s killing me because I feel the same way about him but I’ve hardened myself to him over the years because I didn’t want to fall back into his arms. He loves that I’m pure. He’s a great looking guy; I’m shocked that I ever hooked him in the first place. Girls just fall into his lap, and he’s always loved me because I never had sex with him. He cheated on me many times when we were together, like I said, beautiful girls threw themselves at him. When I broke up with him, (we’d gone out for two years strong) I started dating Johnny at first to get Marcus jealous, and then just for fun. It turned into something more and I had sex with Johnny during our relationship. I don’t know why. Maybe I was trying to keep him, maybe I was just ready. All I know is that I regret it now and I have for a long time.
While I don’t want to go back out with Marcus, I don’t feel like I deserve this praise he’s giving me because I had sex with Johnny who he hates. I feel like I shouldn’t be keeping this from him, and he reads me like a book. I’m a horrible liar and I don’t know how I’m gonna hide this from him for long. He’ll hate me for it, I just know it. I’m scared to tell him, but is it any of his business? I don’t want him and Johnny to get into an argument and then bring up the fact that I had sex with Johnny. Marcus would hate that, he’d be furious. I don’t know what to do! I just called and I was about to tell him but he was sleepy so I took that as a sign and told him I’d tell him tomorrow. Please help me. I don’t believe in love but I love Marcus so much and I don’t know if I should tell him this and risk our relationship. Maybe I should, and just cut the cord now, that way it won’t be like Marcus and I get married and I say “oh by the way, I slept with Johnny.” He’s catching on I think. I don’t know how to lie to him.
Help!