boyfriend problems. SERIOUS., please help! Options

[CO0KiE]

since i don't know anyone here i'd say it's safe to vent and post it all.

My boyfriend of 9 months and I haven't really been talking for a a little over a week now. I went 4 entire days without speaking to him and it worried me because his cell had been off and his mom had removed the landline. Maybe some of you are saying i'm clingy or overreactive but it's serious to me because his mom abused him physically and verbally. He wants to receive love from her. He wants to please her. He finally called me on the 4th night around 12 am and told me his mom took his phone because she was upset at him. She isn't allowed to do that. His dad and stepmom just recently moved to Mississippi and he was supposed to live with them, for his safety but he refused. While he was in mississippi for vacation though, his mom was being nice to him, and it made me suspicious. I told his stepmom about it and she said that that's how she is when she wants something. His mom knew that there was a possibility that he might stay there and she'd try to butter him to make him come back.
After the 4th night of hearing from him, i never heard from him again and it's been 3 days as of now. :(

His stepmom called me yesterday morning saying she and his dad felt like they left him in the pit of the devil. His mom is really evil. I never met her but from everything I've heard about her, she's a real a-hole. My mom won't let me go visit him to see if he's okay, because she's saying that if he loved me enough, he'd find a way to contact me. But he's practically on lock down in his home. She hasn't hit him or hurt his feelings yet as far as I know. But before he came back from Mississippi he promised if she hurt him physically or emotionally one more time, he'd move with his dad over there. His dad and stepmom are even willing to pay for my plane ticket to visit them there in the summer if my bf moves there.

His mom's abandoned him so many times, especially when he was a child. She's called him a bitch, a man-slut, a f**ker, etc. What kind of mom freaking says that!? His stepmom told me a few days ago that his mom might start working on me next, and she might try and convince him to break up with me. I've yet to talk to him about that. But it's been over a week now that i've been feeling like crap because of this drama.

I'm supposed to write down all the things he and i talk about in a journal whenever he calls from now on because his stepmom said, should anything happen, they might need it for court. And she even gave me the number for child protective services, if i'd need to call for him.

:( it's awful. I know I can't really do anything besides wait, but it's so unbearable! Because I don't go out often and I've nothing to do, but sit here and worry over him.

Can someone please say something, anything that could help?
Or even please pray for him? His name's Elias. Thanks

[swan]

Elias is lucky to have someone who cares for him in the midst of tough times. I wish you guys the best.

I can understand how hard it is to hear of this, but please don't overwork yourself. You have the situation handled well and have accomplished a lot; communication, concern, and contact are under control. You are a big help as it is, and it's great to hear how much you care. You deserve breathers.

Stay strong. I will be praying for you and Elias.

[dannyordinary]

I think you should wait and see what happens, because I understand that you are worried, but at the same time you don't want to put yourself in any sort of danger .

i agree with postharmony on this one, keep calm, and wait .

[CO0KiE]

Well aside from that sounding like any typical hispanic mother...

Sneak by his house, check out the perimeter. See what kind of information you can gather. I'm serious, I'm not even trying to be funny.

At night, go around his house and see what you can see through the windows. Throw a few pebbles at his window and hide. Mom might come out, but if he comes out then ask WTF and if hes alright.

I would definitely do that, but the problem is, I moved away. So now we live 40 minutes away from each other. I was planning on going to see him, because I was going to be in that area and stop by, but the plans have changed. And lol his mom's Chinese. *He's half chinese, half white.

[CO0KiE]

Elias is lucky to have someone who cares for him in the midst of tough times. I wish you guys the best.

I can understand how hard it is to hear of this, but please don't overwork yourself. You have the situation handled well and have accomplished a lot; communication, concern, and contact are under control. You are a big help as it is, and it's great to hear how much you care. You deserve breathers.

Stay strong. I will be praying for you and Elias.

Thank you! That really means alot to me.

[swan]

Any time. Best wishes!

[AyeVickaye]

Pssst. mostly all asian mamas and filipino mamas are like that. Straight up Strict. My mama and my friend's mama try tah get us on lock down 24/7. They jst want you to stay at home, never go out and do work. shizz. Thats prolly how ya boy's mama is...it be gettin crazy...Hope you guys are/ will be okay ...

[CO0KiE]

AyeVickyaye. Yeah. My parents are like that too. I'm always stranded at home. But like i don't even know what's going on with him. If he's okay, and if he can ever call me. It's hard. :(

[Insurmountable]

So if you talk to his step mom a lot from the sounds of it, then have they been able to get a hold of him the past few days? I mean it seems like if they can't get a hold of him, then they should do something about it instead of leaving it on you. Sure in extreme cases you should call the number, but don't leave it out there like you should do it often or feel like you should have to.

I don't know, to be honest the best thing to do to avoid having things like this happen again is to tell him that he needs to call you or his dad or his step mom at least once a day, every day. So then if something does happen, and he doesn't call, then you guys know to worry perhaps.

When it comes to situations like this its hard to really know whats write. To call child services and get them to examine the home and to talk to the child and parent would probably come to the point where he would be forced to live with his dad and step mom, considering he doesn't want to, which I don't really understand why is a little tricky to not do in this case. Although I think it would be for the best and for his mother to get proper help.

Maybe you guys need to talk him in to really seeing how his mother is, and making it very clear the best way to fix something like this so he can have a healthy relationship with his mother is for her to psychological help. I know it will be hard to say to him and he'll be very angry more than likely, but he needs to separate himself from her and tell her that he won't come back to live with her or help her until she helps herself.

[CocaineNoseJob]

Damn

Well the only thing you can do is write every single detail in that journal and keep that child protective service number near...

[AyeVickaye]

AyeVickyaye. Yeah. My parents are like that too. I'm always stranded at home. But like i don't even know what's going on with him. If he's okay, and if he can ever call me. It's hard. :(

That sucks that he cant contact you and you can't contact him =[ it makes the situation complicated and confusing and you really don't know whats up...jst wait a couple of days and maybe he'll come through...hopefully...Much love peace & respect..

[mxfemme]

Well aside from that sounding like any typical hispanic mother...

Sneak by his house, check out the perimeter. See what kind of information you can gather. I'm serious, I'm not even trying to be funny.

At night, go around his house and see what you can see through the windows. Throw a few pebbles at his window and hide. Mom might come out, but if he comes out then ask WTF and if hes alright.

"Aside from sounding like any typical hispanic mother.."

Are you of Latino Descent? This can be ANY mother, any race, any "color". Being abusive is universal, any one can develop that trait, or be grown into it. Being physically abusive to someone doesnt discriminate based on race, it preys on everyone.

Any who, sorry about your family. Hmm when your mom said "if he loves you that much, he would find some way to contact you.." I dont know the level of danger he is in, but have you ever heard on the news of a mom saying "well my daughter is missing, but if she loves me alot, she'll find a way.." Just seems like irrational thinking...

I think if push comes to shove, get some authoritative figures involved...

[CO0KiE]

So if you talk to his step mom a lot from the sounds of it, then have they been able to get a hold of him the past few days? I mean it seems like if they can't get a hold of him, then they should do something about it instead of leaving it on you. Sure in extreme cases you should call the number, but don't leave it out there like you should do it often or feel like you should have to.

I don't know, to be honest the best thing to do to avoid having things like this happen again is to tell him that he needs to call you or his dad or his step mom at least once a day, every day. So then if something does happen, and he doesn't call, then you guys know to worry perhaps.

When it comes to situations like this its hard to really know whats write. To call child services and get them to examine the home and to talk to the child and parent would probably come to the point where he would be forced to live with his dad and step mom, considering he doesn't want to, which I don't really understand why is a little tricky to not do in this case. Although I think it would be for the best and for his mother to get proper help.

Maybe you guys need to talk him in to really seeing how his mother is, and making it very clear the best way to fix something like this so he can have a healthy relationship with his mother is for her to psychological help. I know it will be hard to say to him and he'll be very angry more than likely, but he needs to separate himself from her and tell her that he won't come back to live with her or help her until she helps herself.

I talk to his stepmom often, but sometimes even THEY (she and the dad) can't get a hold of him. And she tells me he's okay somtimes and stuff like that, but my boyfriend doesn't call me. I this not talking thing has been going on since AUgust 6 and is still continuing. We've had alot of problems somewhat similar to this, but this is by far, the worst. He doesn't want to live with his dad in Mississippi, and the main reason is because of me, next after that, is his friends. I told him, that what's best for him is to stay there. Because his stepmom and his dad are willing to pay my ticket for me to visit him over there in the summer. He thought about it for awhile, but decided he wanted to live in the same state as I was in.
He always says he'll call me back but EVERY SINGLE TIME (no exxageration) he doesn't call back, and I literally won't hear from him until 4-6 days later. (that's how many days i havent heard from him in a row so far) So I get so worried and frustrated, and when he DOES call me for maybe 10 minutes he tells me he can't sleep and stuff because he can't see me or talk to me.

[Insurmountable]

Well as I said, its a sticky situation and the best thing to do is to make something set in stone that he has to call you and his dad and step mom certain times or at least once a day just to confirm that hes okay.

Other than that, dare I say it, suck it up.

[xhugerific]

what the hell?! dude if you REALLY love him, i think its best fer you to call child services. i'll pray & alot of people here will, but that isn't enough. you've GOT to do something about it.

[CO0KiE]

what the hell?! dude if you REALLY love him, i think its best fer you to call child services. i'll pray & alot of people here will, but that isn't enough. you've GOT to do something about it.

i want to, but his stepmom in mississippi told me not to call until she hurts him or something. Because they've tried stuff like that I think before, and they couldn't make the mom go to prison or anything like that. SO i don't know..

[Tung]

You need a real man in your life.


<---------------

[xhugerific]

i want to, but his stepmom in mississippi told me not to call until she hurts him or something. Because they've tried stuff like that I think before, and they couldn't make the mom go to prison or anything like that. SO i don't know..

dammit are you furreal?! argh. this is really serious. i know you can't visit him, but you could try. like try and sneak and like whenever his mom abuses him or somethingg, get it all on camera. and show it at court.

[Tung]

^ or just get a real man like me.

[xhugerific]

^ or just get a real man like me.

xD! quit it .

[CO0KiE]

dammit are you furreal?! argh. this is really serious. i know you can't visit him, but you could try. like try and sneak and like whenever his mom abuses him or somethingg, get it all on camera. and show it at court.

my digi cam is broken... i'm saving up for a new one.
and i can't sneak out, because my sister sleeps with me, even if i COULD, I wouldn'tbe able to see him. Because he lives 40 minutes away from me... And I have no way to get there...
He's got the number of child protective servies also, but i don't know if he can call, because he doesn't have his phone, and he has to PAY his sister to use his phone, AND there is no longer a land line. His mom removed the landline so that his dad and his stepmom couldn't contact him.

[Firiath]

I don't think you can change him wanting to please his mom - I think it came out of his 'chinese' side. The Chinese work ethic is to do whatever you can to do your best. If his mom wants him to be a specific way, he won't try to go against her.