Really Bad Situation, that includes me, my ex, and my current Options

[mushiebeans]

Well, actually, my "ex" isnt really an ex but someone that I had a thing going on with before I met my current bf.

So this past year, I met S, a great friend, good listener, nice Christian, pretty naive... a year younger.
Well things progressed to where we would "cheek kiss" (because he strongly believes in saving his firs kiss for his marriage day) and disappointingly, things progressed to where we did everything other than kiss (on lips) and any kind of sex.
Then I met J, my current. He's really sweet, and I really DO like him. I won't say I love him because I still don't know where this will lead; and I'm not going to say we WILL get married. As time goes by we might change we might not, we might marry, we probably won't.
ANYWAY, so I got with J. Right? This "literally" broke S's heart because he felt that I was his. But my feeling is that he waited a bit too long for me, to make a move, and I got tired of him...
I still love him. But now I only love him as a friend. But sadly... we still kept doing what we were... which makes me a s*** and a cheater.
Worse, J also started doing stuff to me (I have kissed this guy on the lips :P), too, and things became more complicated.
Every time I think about what I've done with either, it makes me want to throw up because, frankly, I think stuff like that is sick. But I don't know how to say no... and either one gets sad when I try to stop them....
Me and S already made a pact of silence and agreement to never do stuff like that again. Ever.
But with J, I don't want to break up with him at all. I'm not quite ready to say good bye to him. However a heavy heart burdened with guilt and the fact that we've done stuff really makes me sick.
I mean. I don't want to tell him. That's not an option. No way, no how. Because it won't bring any good at all. The main problem with him right now, is that I want to go back to being more pure. I don't even like kissing with tongue. Even that grosses me out. So, do you think it's possible for me to go back to purity?
And one more... Is there anyone out there that won't say I'm a two timing sl** and I don't deserve to have the bliss that my boyfriend gives me?

I can't talk to this to any of my friends. I don't have a best friend (my "best friend" is S). And I'm too embarrassed to come clean with anyone other than people I don't know and don't know me (such as you guys). If you guys reply to this it will really help me... Please do...