Different beliefs? Options

[DeadlyKitten]

me and my boyfriend both believe in God...but me being a christian i believe in Jesus and a whole lot more. he doesnt really consider himself to be a religion. i believe that sex, and everything to do with sex should be saved for marridge. we've done stuff and even had sex but i had to stop because it was going against my beliefs. he still wants me to give him bj's and he still wants to touch me down there...i'm like...anymore...just not wanting to. i'm worried that if i say i want to stop anything sexual...that he'll leave me...or even worse cheat. i love him and he loves me..but its like...i'm forcing myself to do things to him...its almost not fair. like in my oppinion true love waits....but at this point...i dont think he will. what should i do??? i'm so worried about it. i'm not turining this into a God thing...so don't call me stupid for what i believe...its just that...since we dont believe things the same way...i'm worried if i stop all sexual things with him he'll cheat or leave.

[Heathasm]

you already had sex with him...and apparently blowed him. it sounds like you are using religion to back out of something you already started. maybe you just need to end the relationship now

[illriginal]

Now a days, you're better off waitin til after college to get into mature relationship. High school has this huge peer pressure of havin sex and doing drugs.

Just stay true to yourself and your belief system. Your boyfriend, which you love... is nothin but just another human. There's millions more out there.

To be quite honest, many men cheat when they get "some" then all of a sudden they stop gettin "some".

If you haven't told him yet, let him know that you wish not to have sexual activities.. not even HJs or BJs. Tell him you're devoting your life to God and you must follow his laws.

If he can't respect that, then he obviously doesn't believe in God. And you should dump him.


BTW.. may I ask how old are you?

[DeadlyKitten]

gna be 20 on the 24th. and i understand what your saying. if he trully loves and respects me he'll accecpt it...right? i mean...i wasnt as close to God as i am now when we first started dating (almost 2 years ago) we only just had sex back in september cause we were on the rocks and he felt itd help...i was dumb and gave in...but i told him i dont want to anymore and he didnt mind that...i'm worried about the other things thow : (

[Reidar]

You shouldn't be pressured into anything. If he "threatens" to leave you or cheats, then good riddance to him. Stay with your principles and you will never lose.

That's the difference between pleasure and happiness. Pleasure is not happiness. It has no more importance than a shadow following a man.

[DeadlyKitten]

You shouldn't be pressured into anything. If he "threatens" to leave you or cheats, then good riddance to him. Stay with your principles and you will never lose.

That's the difference between pleasure and happiness. Pleasure is not happiness. It has no more importance than a shadow following a man.

wow, thats so true. if he leaves then he was pretty much proving that sexual stuff was a huge part in our relationship...yucky, lol

[TheWinterBones]

You shouldn't be pressured into anything. If he "threatens" to leave you or cheats, then good riddance to him. Stay with your principles and you will never lose.

That's the difference between pleasure and happiness. Pleasure is not happiness. It has no more importance than a shadow following a man.

I like this reply.

As for you, Deadlykitten. You just annoy me. On more than a few occasions have I read sex topics created by yourself. You go on about blowjobs and sex alot... Now you're bringing your religious beliefs on no sex before marriage? Face it, you're obviously not that religious at all and it's too late to go back.

[transcendentalis...]

i'm worried that if i say i want to stop anything sexual...that he'll leave me...or even worse cheat. i love him and he loves me..but its like...i'm forcing myself to do things to him...its almost not fair. like in my oppinion true love waits....but at this point...i dont think he will.

love cheats? that's new to me. what's also new to me is that you're saying you guys love each other and all, but you're afraid he'll leave you if he doesn't get sex.

really, is that what it's all about for him?

we were on the rocks and he felt itd help..

that's straight-up bs.

Face it, you're obviously not that religious at all and it's too late to go back.

and what do you know about religion? or specifically, christianity?
there is no such thing as "too late" in christianity.

[queen]

someone who loves you would respect your desires. but then again, guys have needs, too... so if you guys don't find a compromise, perhaps it's better to not be together.

[MissHygienic]

i last had sex sometime between december 3rd and the 14th.

He knew where i stood with sex meaning something to me when he got into this relationship.

he's only been with 1 other girl then me and believe me...he enjoyed it...ALOT. lol as of right now we're not in the position to be having sex because he lied to me a few times and just in general..

me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time a few monthes after our one year.

Why is there a discussion about this, again?

[fameONE]

i'm worried if i stop all sexual things with him he'll cheat or leave.

He probably will. Never underestimate how much of a bastard people close to you can be. Don't worry, you'll bounce back!

[miszlaurax3]

I'm a Christian too girl, and I know what you're going through. If he really loved you, he would put your beliefs and values before his personal needs, and if he cheats, then you don't deserve him at all. If you don't wanna do somethin, then you don't wanna do it point blank, and nobody should be forced to do something that they dont wanna do. If you wanna force yourself, then how about forcing yourself to leave him? You don't need people in your life who don't encourage you to better yourself. It's okay that you already had sex with him, people make bad judgement at times, its not the end of the world, but you know that it was wrong, so why not right the wrong with getting out the situation alltogether? Pray about it =] <3

[TheWinterBones]

and what do you know about religion? or specifically, christianity?
there is no such thing as "too late" in christianity.

Please do not doubt that I know anything about religion just because I'm not a christian. In this case, I'm using commonsense. And don't think I'm going to second thought my opinion and feel in any way the slightest bit sympathetic toward Deadlykitten.

If your boyfriend is wise enough, he will probably leave you, not cheat on you. How do you expect him to take you seriously? You gave up your beliefs when you lost your virginity. You've been having sex and now you're taking that away from him to make him wait until marriage.
And that's only if he's the one.

You should have just made him wait. Also, with giving him this knowledge, you would know whether or not he was in it for the sex.

Oh well...

[S-Majere]

Presumably your boyfriend must have known your beliefs and misgivings about sex before marriage when he started to get sexual with you. That really makes me doubt his integrity.

[queen]

^ ditto.

although, if you're being genuine about your feelings on sex and your beliefs, i feel bad for you. a lot of girls get pressured into doing things they don't want. you gotta be stronger with your faith and put your foot down.

if you really feel this strongly about it, let him know. and if he doesn't understand, then it's up to you to decide -- him or your 'beliefs'. like i said, perhaps it's better if you're not together.

[karmakiller]

If you don't want to do something just don't do it. Honestly, people have always been saying this. You HAVE made topics in the past and I don't want to go back to those, but you don't seem very mature, you were the same one who said you weren't going to have sex with him because he upset you about something sometime. Stand up for yourself. If he, or anyone else, doesn't like it... who cares. Move on.

[JCLore]

You should only do what you feel comfortable doing. Dont't think that you have to participate in any sexual activities just keep him from leaving you. My ex-gf wanted to do some stuff that i really didn't want to until after marriage (thats why we broke up). I may not have loved her like i do my current gf....but i was afraid it wouldn't work out and i really didn't want to deny her anything, but i did not want to "engage" in the activities she wanted to. If he really loves you, then i think he shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable out of respect for your feelings.

Hope that helped
Good luck

[transcendentalis...]

Please do not doubt that I know anything about religion just because I'm not a christian. In this case, I'm using commonsense. And don't think I'm going to second thought my opinion and feel in any way the slightest bit sympathetic toward Deadlykitten.

you misunderstand.
i'm not ignorant enough to think that you don't know anything about religion because you're not christianity, or perhaps you don't have an intricate understanding of christian beliefs. i brought christianity into the picture because for the majority of their denominations, there is no such thing as "too late."

have i asked you to be more sympathetic, or have i implied it? the only thing i've implied in your direction is that making such hopeless comments is rather ludicrous as none of us have an intricate understanding of major world beliefs, much less all world beliefs.

i hope that clears up what i was trying to say.

[DeadlyKitten]

well i told him. he said he respects it and he'll deal with it. he loves me to much to leave me for that reason. i do agree...with almost all of you. i came into this relationship very imature. i did things to get close to him although i knew they were wrong (to me). now (like a friend told me) its gna be hard to change the rules in the middle of the game. he knew where i stood with the sex thing. so us not having sex isnt anything to him. he knows what that means to me. he just didnt want to not do anything. part of me wants to do things aside from sex with him but i feel wrong doing it. i guess i'm just confused. i know that God will love me no matter what but i can only ask fro forgivness so many times before He's like...OK...STOP IT! i don't want to feel ashamed for doing things like that. its like part of me believes its ok...yet part of me dont. i dont know. lol i just dont want me going up and down a freaking roller coaster ruin this relationship. i must be nuts. its like...sometimes i can do things and feel so good about it cause i'm close with him...but then...afterwords...i feel so dirty. i don't want to end this relationship...but i just dont know...like anything. lol
if someone can help me figgure out what to do without insualting me please help. i know i go up and down from poat to post over the same subject...but...its like..i'm a growing Christian..I'm still learning. I just don't know about the bjs and everything else that happens before sex...sometimes i feel its ok...sometimes i dont. ARRRG! i agervate myself. lol

[Reidar]

Don't do anything until you're at a point where you're not in doubt about what you want of yourself.

You said you feel it to be wrong for you, but, in the heat of the moment, it sounds like it gets to be too much to say no to. Principles aren't a weathervane like that, shifting direction whenever the situation changes. They're a compass pointing to one destination.

I don't see how someone would merely "deal" with that. Being true to yourself is something to be admired, moreso than any physical attribute or sensation. Humans are ugly little pink things anyways. I'd rather be a great white shark, but with rollerblades so I can go on land and eat people. That would rule.

[NoSex]

This thread upsets me so much, in such an unpopular manner.

I will never ever date a religious person again, f**king never.

[DeadlyKitten]

This thread upsets me so much, in such an unpopular manner.

I will never ever date a religious person again, f**king never.

i'm not religious i'm spiritual. there is a difference. when you think of a religious person you think of someone that walks around preaching and fearing God and pretty much one who doesnt have a life. i'm not different then anyone else. i believe in God and Jesus but that doesnt mean i don't have a life. i do more things with my life then someone who doesnt even believe in God. just because i dont want to have sex and i'm confused about the things that relate to sex doesnt make me a bad person. unless i told you strait up that i am a christian you probly woldnt see any difference in me. people cringe when they hear God or Jesus and i think thats sad. but back to my point...if this thread upsets you...don't f&!$@#* read it.

[DoubleJ]

I was avoiding to read this thread for a while, and now I see why I did Why is everybody pinning this on the boyfriend? I think if anything, you get more of the blame than he does. If you believed that you didn't want to have sex and what not, then you wouldn't have done it. Your mistake was opening your legs and your mouth in the first place. At 19, you are old enough to know what you are doing, and by not doing what you said you would, you definitely dropped the ball.

Ok, you are probably thinking, well if I didn't do it, then he would have left me. SO! You should have called his bluff then, and anyway, why would you want a guy in your life that is clearly there for sex in the first place? That shows, that he really doesn't respect you or your beliefs no matter what he says. It's so obvious that he is going to cheat on you, because he told you that he enjoyed having sex with another girl.

If I were in your position, I would get rid of him now, before any more feelings get involved in this. As what I say with all advice I give, whatever you do, weigh the pros and cons first, and make sure it is right for YOU.

[NoSex]

i'm not religious i'm spiritual. there is a difference.

1. Not a significant difference.
2. My comment wasn't about sex. I'm talking about a larger issue.
3. I don't give a shit about sex.
4. I could probably tell that you loved Jesus in less than five minutes of conversation.
5. People cringe when they hear god and Jesus? Shit, I wish!
6. Everyone does "more things in their life." You aren't impressing me.
7. I like being upset; it's interesting.

[DeadlyKitten]

1. Not a significant difference.
2. My comment wasn't about sex. I'm talking about a larger issue.
3. I don't give a shit about sex.
4. I could probably tell that you loved Jesus in less than five minutes of conversation.
5. People cringe when they hear god and Jesus? Shit, I wish!
6. Everyone does "more things in their life." You aren't impressing me.
7. I like being upset; it's interesting.

Smile much? Ever hear of antidepressants? I posted this for help not insults and I was saying you wouldn’t know I believed in God if you met me, not based on what I wrote. What I wrote had to do with sex, beliefs, and all that in between. I’m not posting things to impress people, merely to get POSSITIVE opinions. I’m sure you heard this before, but if you don’t have anything nice to say, maybe you shouldn’t say anything at all. I’m sorry if I offended you but I’m sick of posting stuff getting the same hypocritical, judgmental, assholes telling me why I’m dumb and that my boyfriend will cheat on me. So YES I’m going to stop. If he cheats he does, that’s his problem and his loss. No one on here really knows what happens cause no one even knows the whole story nor the things that go on in my head. I tried to express how I felt in hopes that someone on here can help me out. A few did but for the most part I get insulted. So am I really the immature one? I don’t go around hurting or insulating people I don’t even know. If you read my post and want to say something…try saying something nice.