breaking your hymen, virginity Options

[pettedpaccha]

Hi,
im new and have a very seneitive question for you all to answer. I'm still a virgin but i won't tell you how old as it's quite embarrassing really. It's not that i'm frigid or anything just that i've never had a boyfriend that lasted long enough, i had a hard time through school and sturggled with anorexia from very early on and so found it difficult to have a lasting relationship.

Thing is i really really need to lose my virginity now as it's became a really big issue for me, i'm scared to get close to any guy now for fear of him finding it out and thinking i'm a total loser or something, so i've been thinking about buying a dildo or something to break my hymen for myself, so then i don't have to worry and could simply get a boyfriend and enjoy a proper sex life like someone normal.

Please don't be harsh with me, i'm very sensitive and i guess niave. I've looked at pics of what hymen looks like and checked my own but i'd like to know if anyone can suggest a site or something that shows what your supposed to look like down there after lossing virginity and hymen is gone. Please help, and thanks in advance!!!