read thyy poemm :PP |
 Feb 20 2008, 12:06 AM
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Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 114 Joined: Dec 2007 Member No: 598,863  |
I can't find all my other poems I saved em on my flash drive and I can't find it at the moment, I wrote this one when I was pissed off
 Black Sins My mind fluctuates Like a rollercoaster on a never ending trip Thy face, thy eyes, thy lips still haunt my every thought This is not a reassured glance of lust Clenching life’s heart with a rugged hand I bid thee, please take my life now before all turns black I listened to you, Your words brought sanity and guidance to my complicated life But where are you now, When I need help? |
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Edwinbarkhordarian read thyy poemm :PP Feb 20 2008, 12:06 AM
davinci The third line is my favorite; I like the repetit... Feb 20 2008, 12:18 AM MissHygienic Well, I don't know if you want a critique or n... Feb 20 2008, 12:21 AM Edwinbarkhordarian Yeah, I was thinking the same. Feb 20 2008, 12:29 AM Edwinbarkhordarian Hmmm...I can't think of what to replace ... Feb 20 2008, 12:44 AM
Ekay hectic life? or maybe just shorten that line to, ... Feb 20 2008, 04:14 AM  |
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