Createblog Diary, Version 11. Options

[sharerol]

Dear cb diary,

I can't seem to let go of you. It's been over two months, and I've barely even seen your face since summer started. I knew I was going in way over my head when I fully committed myself to our relationship. I knew that one day it could end and that I would have to deal with the pain, the heartbreak...all the seemingly impossible hardships that would follow the breakup. But I never braced myself for it. I LET myself fall down, into this dark hole, and pretty much self-prevented myself from getting back up. I've never felt so lonely in so long, if ever. I was living in hell since the end of May through mid-June. Since then it's gotten a lot better, but I still think about you EVERY SINGLE DAY and I miss you. I miss jumping on your bed, letting go of the world and laughing and being a dork with you, being intimate with you, having your little kisses on my forehead, hanging out with your mom and pops, talking on the phone for hours each night, tickling each other, going to Mels with you, watching movies with you, cuddling with you, writing you love notes all the time, holding your hand, kissing your lips, feeling safe in your arms...I was SO not at all prepared for losing all of that. I let myself crash, and for the first time in a year you weren't there to save me. I am so blessed and grateful to have been with you. You are a great person, and i really do want you to be happy. I just wish I could be happy. I mean I am...but I feel so empty. Everything is just alright, but a part of me always feels missing. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish that I could have saved us before it was too late, before you walked out of my life. Things will never be the same as they used to be. I am almost sure that you've moved on and I've run out of chances. I'm sure you think of me sometimes, or at least I hope you do. And I don't know what you did with our poster, my letters, or the pictures on your phone. Maybe it's better that I don't know. Now I feel like most guys are jerks and that no one could treat me the same way you treated me. It's hard for me to trust people now, like I have a guard up. But damn this is depressing I should really stop...life goes on.

--Cheryl

[jeSs1cA]

Dear cB diary,

I miss you so much. You need to come home. This whole distance shit is killing me. I was so happy you called last night though. It made my whole day. It killed me not to talk to you much the past couple days. I just hate being annoying while you're vacationing with your family and best friend. You asked me why I never text you. Well yes, that is the reason. AH! I need to get over that.

It made me so happy to know that your best friend has a girlfriend though. I didn't know that. It made me feel better knowing that he's not down there looking for ladies. You know?

I don't know why I'm stuck on that either. I know you said that you would never cheat on me, but I guess I'm just so cursed from my ex doing that to me. I like you too much. It would kill me if you did anything like that to me.


+Jessica

[aaayotiffany]

i forgot about this thread.

dear cb diary

everything's been so crazy since i've last posted here, lmao. i got out of a relationship, did ib exams, GRADUATED, started college, met lots of cool people, quit my boring job, been to a couple college get-togethers, and a mess load more. but overall, things are pretty awesome in the summer. i am OBSESSED with the dark knight; heath ledger was amazing.

honestly, i do miss you. i miss what we were. things ended pretty seriously. you probably don't know but i learned to forgive you and i actually want to try to be friends. but its probably not the right time, like a lot of people say. i just hope you learn to put things behind you, like i did.

my parents make me regret staying in miami. i chose to stay in miami so they don't spend so much money, but they're making me regret it a lot. ughhhh. things better get better around here. or i might leave sooner then i thought.

i'm on cb because i don't want to do my anthropology report. ughhh, three to five pages. how horrid. and i'm finding any little excuse to not do it. even though, i should since it is due in about 23 hours. lmao.

- yours truly.

[ofconfidence]

Dear CB diary,
So i like a boy...
& it's been a while but he's so much fun to be with.
i don't think i remember what to do.

[Teesa]

dear cb diary,

it's about 2:20 am right now and i cannot sleep. i tried to a little while ago, but i am feeling like a zombie.

about a week ago, i was totally fine with where i was at in life. i was having fun and i've had a good summer. then, something changed and i realized that a part of me does not want to live with them. and they are my friends. good friends. and maybe i should have thought harder about whether or not i wanted to be a ra again. i mean, was it really all that bad?? it's funny how when you don't have something, you think of all the positive things, but when you do have something, you tend to focus on the negative.

my parents visited the house for the first time tonight. and they completely disliked it, not that i could blame them. i'm going to take the smaller room because i don't want the moron to hate me. i just e-mailed my hall director about my issues. but she probably won't write back until monday and i am getting so anxious.

oh gosh. i don't know what to do. someone tell me what to do. oh gosh.

[heyo-captain-jac...]

Dear Cb diary:

You haven't talked to me in about 2 months. That Dakota f****t literally ripped you away from me. I need you back.

[Dabme]

Dear cB diary,

i woke up feeling like it was just another day, but when i looked in the mirror i felt all of the emotions pile on my shoulders. and still i denied the tears from falling. how could i be stupid enough to let her back in to my life. she was a dead end and now im still stuck in the same maze playing her game. i dont understand how i could have been so weak. her kisses disguise the real her and in the moment that our lips touch she is all i know...
my hunt for a way out is still under way. & until then my skies will be forever cloudy cause i'll never let the rain fall.

[MissFits]

Dear CB diary,
I cannot sleep. My head is set on spin. I miss you so much. It seem that no matter where I go or what I do I just can't get away from your face, or your singing, or your amazing skills. I just really really miss you, I guess. I remember when everything you do you did for me. I will never forget that. God, how I wish you would have loved me. It's just not fair that I have to settle. You don't even care anymore. I knew you wouldn't I tried to tell you that you only missed me because we had just broken up. I remember when you told me you stood in the back of the shower for old times sake and I thought it was so silly, but I find myself doing that just day dreaming about you being there. Or, I'll find myself so close to the places we used to live our lives together, rather than the ripped up torn apart mess I seem to be living now.
I am scared that monday when I'm all f**ked up and out of it I am going to cry for you. I hope I can keep myself together just enough to not let that happen. But, I don't think you will ever know what missin' you means. And it's not even fair because you are still single and I have a perfect wonderful amazing boyfriend that loves me with every ounce of himself. I just don't see how in spite of that I'm the lonely one.

I miss your cadders and keeses. I know how you hated to give them too me, but these days I'd f**king kill for one.

I just want to come home.

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

I can't help but keep thinking of all these stupid negative things that I have to worry about...my final...money problems...plans in the next two weeks...just...everything. And my day was going pretty good until about 15 minutes ago. What the hell?

How can I break it to him that yes it bothers me even though I clearly know it shouldn't and that its fine....ugh. I need a vacation away from the world.

Summer is ending bittersweetly right now.

[MissFits]

Dear CB diary.
I am so crushed. It feels like J and A just died. I know they are alive, but that doesn't mean they are okay. I'm so worried about them, about me, about steven. Everything was just starting to fall into place and work out. I hadn't been this excited about anything in a very long time, and now I probably won't see 2 of my best friends ever again. I miss them already and it's only been 2 days. I find myself wanting to call them all the time, only to the realization I won't be able to talk to them anymore. That f**king breaks my heart.
And, Steven just keeps letting me down. Maybe I expect to much of him, but he promised me the world and I hold people to their promises. He made sure I would hold him to that. I just don't understand why he is never here anymore, he was gone until 6 in the f**king morning yesterday. Any other girl would have f**king flipped, but I didn't say anything. And today he was supposed to be here to get me before 3 and it's almost 4. I got all dressed up, fixed my hair up, did my makeup just the way he likes, put on his favorite perfume, and he's not here. I need him now, more than before. I know he's just as worried about them as I am, but I need someone to talk to about it. And all this after we had a talk just last week about how I hate that he always leaves me home alone for hours and hours at a time. It seems since I said that he has done it 10 fold.
And, for the record, I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. I saw the hurt in your eyes when I showed you, I see the way you look at me now. It's not really what you think it is, but then again you should know that if you know me at all.

[Tomates]

Dear CB Diary,

Things are getting somewhat better after whats happened the past few days. Still i dont think i can forive my parents for invading my personal privacy that way.
Me and my dad still dont connect well although he said "i love you" to me which was literally the first time he ever said that in months.
Its kind of dissapointing though that he has to say that now when things are crummy around the house and doesnt have the chance to say that when things are going fine.
Hopefully things will shape up better.

[firechild]

Dear CB Diary,

I have done pretty much nothing in the past 5 days. I had oral surgery, I realize how much it sucks. I put my blog into feedburner and I have only one person subscribing (my brother, through e-mail) I realize that getting anyone to read your blog in it self is a hard task.
- Molecular Studios

[Teesa]

dear cb diary,

school starts again on monday! my junior year! craziness. even though my last post was utterly depressing, i am feeling so much better now that my parents and i have moved my stuff in into the bigger room. i realized i had to stand my ground and i know i am going to be comfortable in it

and even though it's super early, i know i am going to be a resident advisor again for my senior year. it's just a lot simpler. a lot of work, but still simpler in many ways. i just knew that i would regret not living off campus if i had lived in the dorms for all four years. i am getting happy again, and i love the feeling.

i just want to help her. i don't want her lying to me because i will not let anyone lie to my face. i hope i can help her.

-teesa

[aaayotiffany]

dear cb diary

i've been ghost from cb. i feel bad because i miss it. but i've been so busy lately. i just got a new job, which i love, and then i had camp the past couple days, which was amazing, and now classes are starting on monday, which i am excited for, lol. i don't know if i'll have time to even go online at all.

on another note, my close friends departed to their colleges while i was gone. i'm seriously going to miss them, most of them going to uf, one at ucf, some are here in miami, but it won't be the same without all of us together. but we'll see each other again, lol, my friend and i are planning a trip up in september, hahaa.

p.s. - i found myself again at camp. i'm not scared anymore. it was probably one of the best experiences of my life.

- yours truly

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

Seriously, its just a stream of bad luck and its freaking depressing right now. First my laptop, and now I find out my classes aren't working the way I wanted...what is one person gonna do huh? I just want to be in a class with people I know do good work. Fack. I can't believe summer is already over.

[MissFits]

I have been having the worst week ever.
I just got electricity today. There was a f**king hurricane in Ohio, I still can't believe it. I have an electric water heater, so today was also the first day I could take a shower and not nearly freeze to death. I either gave my food away, or it went bad, so now I'm starving. We have a boil advisory on water, and I didn't know that since I didn't have power, so I have been drinking dirty nasty unfiltered water all week. I sprained my hand trying to walk in the dark, every gas station around is price gouging, it's almost impossible to find cigarettes, and if you do find them you have to wait in line for half a f**king hour. I waited in a two and a half hour line for gas.
I hope this is a good weekend. I can't take any more of this shit.

Steven ditched me ALL f**kING DAY again today.
It gave me time to read all my old messages, all our old messages, and I cried for you. Did you know it's been nearly 4 months since we really talked. 4 months since I heard I love you come from your mouth. You've been with her for 4 months, too. I heard you call her babe and it tore me up. I know you aren't f**king her. Don't make this a serious relationship out of nothing. More than anything I just want to come back to you. Ruv, ooders, dinks, I mees all that. I heard you playing our song the other day and it was almost too much for me. I catch you looking in my direction from time to time, but I never have the balls to actually look back at you. It's funny that I was always the brave one. Love makes you do crazy things I guess, and my crazy act of love will be sitting out so can enjoy your life. I just wish things would have turned out differently.
I miss you more than anything on this earth, and I wonder if you ever feel this way too. Please talk to me.

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,


This sucks. I don't know what to do...

My heart hurts.

[paolabear20]

Dear CB Diary,
I feel like picking flowers and picking off its petals while Saying "he loves me, he loves me not", Its sound cliche, but that's how I feel. =)

Why can't I stop thinking about him?

Crushes are not good. I know I'll just end up disappointed again, but let me enjoy this feeling for now.

-Paola

[Tomates]

Dear cB diary,
im trying to hold them back even though i just want to let go now, though i dont want anyone to ask whats wrong or call me things that will just hurt me more.

[miyashu]

LOL Createblog,

I just spent $180+ on stuff from Yesstyle.

And my Japanese class buddies are bomb ass hirariuz. Hernan, Mike and I were creating elaborate stories for the characters in the textbook.

Apparently Hernan hates Guputa-san.

"guputa is the biggest puta of them all!"

[Harp]

Dear cB Diary,

I'm bored right now. School lets out in 59 minutes, and I'm pretty happy about that.
It's also Halloween, and Friday. :]

[stephinika]

Wow. I just noticed this topic has lasted a year since its almost my birthday again and it was almost my birthday when I made this. Holy shat.



Dear cB diary,

Shit, shit, shit. Why does this keep happening to me? Fuuuuuuck.

[MrStrife]

^Yeah, lolz. I saw the first entry and flash forwarded here.

Dear cB,
I must've overslept with about 10 hours of sleep. I have almost no morning life, such a freakin vampire. Yeah so I got my lunch and off to work till I saw Long Legs and skipped work to smoke weed. We drank a little and I stole a couple of books along the way. Then bounced to do some work around the house when I happened to see her again. By chance of course, but then again I did know my odds. Kept it strictly pimpin' as they would say and glad I realized that being jealous is a waste.

f*ck. I don't know what to get people for xmas. It's coming up real soon and I need to work more hours to pull it off. Maybe the saturday job? Probably. But I got a bunch of people I need to get nice stuff for.

I don't know what I'm waiting for exactly...

[Tomates]

Dear Createblog Diary,
Stupid stupid me. Why do i always seem to mess up something thats going fine or mess up anything when i try to say the right thing. Is it me? I just feel like i cant do anything right anymore or atleast lately. Its just the depression kicking in again probably, i thought i was able to fight it better.

[batman]

Dear Createblog Diary,

Today was like soooooo fun. I tooootally saw the love of my life walking down the street and he totally winked at me! And then I made a head motion like "omg, go over there!" and we both jumped into Riverside Church. I was like "hey you, I'm Melissa" and he was like "hey you, I'm Horny" and I was like "Ungh!" and we totally did it!

xoxo,
Me!