kill me now Options

[fathomlessdame]

so the past couple weeks..i've been feeling like david (my bf) has been ignoring.. and i cant remember the last time he told me he loved me.

and last night, it had all built up inside of me and burst. david was joking with me about how i didnt know what something was. "OMG, i dont know you!" he said.. and for some reason, i said he acted like "he didnt..and i started crying. he was pissed because i didnt know how to take a joke..when really it wasn't the joke i was crying about. but he didnt get it and decided to ignore me crying and continue doing what he was doing. and one of our friends, kyle, was there too. and he came over at wrapped his arms around me for awhile while i tried to get a hold of myself and stop crying. and then david completely freaks and says he cant deal with this shit anymore and leaves after saying "f**k you" to kyle

and then he emailed me and said:

"wtf u just crying out of flippin nowhere... i mean flicking seriousely it was a flippin jk...


and since you seem so comfartable in kyle's arms, go be with him from now on cause i dont want to deal with this crap anymore

i am tired of u just crying out of flicking nowhere and having the nerve to say that u love me whenever your in another GUYS arms....

if u want to be that way..be my flippin guest cause i am done with this for good"

and i replied:

"i feel like you have been ignoring me...and t hat you dont care and dont love me........and for some reason i just burst. i'm sorry.

i'd be a lot more comfortable in your arms...i'd sure as hell rather be there than with kyle. he just actually decided to try and comfort me.

i love you so f**king much david! and it really hurts to feel ignored, especially by you. thats why i started crying, i can't remember the last time you told me you love me.

but what i do know, is that i love you. and i cant lose you..."

which he replied to:

"then u should have just flippin told me instead of just crying out of flicking nowhere over a good for nothing jk i mean u laughing at me when boell was making jks at me but when i do it to u, its like oh so totally diff i c......

i am so flipping tired of this life and i dont know if i want to keep going with it anymore

oh and do u thnk srry is gonna change how those ppl in the drafting room when u decided to cry will change how they look at me huh???

i dont thnk srry is gonna cover it this time...

and personally just stay with kyle cause atm i dont ever want to c u again

oh and wtf u being ignored...whenever i actually have a problem with my weekend and i talk to u about it after u ask me...all u say is "oh" and u like skip it...so dont flipping tell me that i am ignoring u cause u have always been ignoring me"

and i said:

"i told you that wasn't it didnt i? but maybe i didnt say it clearly enough. its not the joke, i could have laughed that off...but i was border line on tears already.

why should i stay with kyle? he's just a friend to me. the fact that he is a guy makes no difference. i would have done the same thing if he had been jenni or vicki

sometimes i dont know what to say...or i'm afraid what i'm gonna say is really stupid and isn't going to help any so i dont talk. just because all i said was 'oh' doesnt mean i was ignoring you. i invite you, next time you feel like talking to me, to go on even if all i say is oh. because i do care, i'm not ignoring you. i never would!

i couldn't control that i started crying, if i could of i wouldnt have ever started crying because i dont like to cry.

and it will blow off what they might have thought eariler today, they're all probably gonna forget it by monday. and if they don't i am sorry. if i could have chose any other place to break down, it definatly wouldn't have been there in front of everybody.

and i wouldve told you what was going on if you stopped for a moment and asked...

i'm sorry. i should have said something to you without having a complete breakdown

i love you, and i really care about you. i reallly dont want to lose you just because i had a really dumb ass moment.

when your ready to talk and maybe come to some sort of agreement or whatever, let me know. i'll always be ready to talk to you.

i love you soo much"

which he didnt reply to..

and so i feel like shit..and i cant do shit about it.

EDIT: i didnt realizee this was so long...sorry