Bitterness is like cancer, ...it eats upon the host Options

[*superstitious*]

Sole depository of my fearful secret, I trembled before the meanest of my attendants, whom, at the same time, I envied; for he possessed a shadow, and could venture to go out in the daytime; while I shut myself up in my room day and night, and indulged in all the bitterness of grief.

-Adelbert von Chamisso

I remember when I was child, I used to be really happy, friendly and always wanted to be around others. I loved summertime, when school was out, the sun was shining and the hardest choice I had to make was what flavor Otter Pop to have.

Somehow, in high school I became reclusive. I didn't like football, cheerleading and was far too akward to be involved with either. My kindreds were the creative writing students, the drama students and yes, even some of the band students. They were considered akward, unusual and at that time (think late 80's, early 90's), those were not among the cool and interesting. I'm not sure how much that has changed in later years, but that's how it was then.

In spite of feeling out of place for many years, I still managed to be confident, because quite frankly, I thought I was great and that was all that truly mattered to me. I wasn't unhappy either, I was content and peaceful.

However, I'm bitter. I see a family walking down the street, I'm bitter. I see a man and a woman holding hands, I'm bitter. I hear my co-worker perpetually giggling, I feel bitter. Sometimes I want to tell these people to shut up or just stop smiling or something. Instead of being glad that the old lady on a walker is able to get on the bus, I'm bitter because she is holding me up, same goes for the wheelchair bound who take over 5 minutes to board.

I wonder what happened. I mean, I always thought I was a pretty nice individual but instead, when I think about things, I'm not so nice and definitely on the bitter side.

Anyone have experiences with bitterness?