anyone knoe any jokes?, -_-x bored Options

[Madelein]

i dunno if anyone here thinks this is funny, but i did. :)

"how many babies does it take to paint a wall?"

~~"Just one...if you throw it hard enough."

it was funny when i first read it...

[*CJ1*]

I get it.... Wait, never mind... I lost it...

[xjjajeengx]

So a man walks into a bar and says.."ouch!"

I'll let that sink in for a little bit.

my orchestra instructor keeps saying this joke. there are actually people who dont get it still (since the begining of the year...) any chance you noe my conductor? scary... him and his frends always saying this joke...

[*CEP*]

my orchestra instructor keeps saying this joke. there are actually people who dont get it still (since the begining of the year...) any chance you noe my conductor? scary... him and his frends always saying this joke...

Nope. I read that from GFAQs forum. I thought it was witty.

Note: For the people who didn't get it, he walked into you know like bumping into the bar.

- Chinkieeyedpnoi

[Jiggapin0]

Why does Snoop Dogg keep an umbrella?

Answer: Fo Drizzle

Hahahaha.

[_confuzed_]

why did the bubblegum cross the road?
because it wuz stuck to the chicken! ah-ha-ha..

[angel-roh]

ur mama so fat...one time she sat on a rainbow, all the skittles popped out.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

taste the rainbow <--- u heard that in skittles commercial...hahahahaa

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[nate6986]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."

[rOckThISshYt]

okay.....

a marine corp officer and a navy guy are in a bathroom at the same time. the navy guy gets out of the stall first and washes his hands. then the marine gets out and doesn't wash his hand so the navy guy says "you know, when i was a kid my mama taught me to wash my hands after i go to the bathroom" the the marine says "well, when i was a kid my mama taught me not to piss on my hands."

~Julia~ xoxo *smooches*

check the [x]

[missnh]

I know this joke where you ask them to ask you a knock-knock joke, and you respond "who's there?" and they're like "WTF, IDONNO WHAT TO SAI AFTER DIS"

[HeatherRawriee]

Hahahaha, you guys make me laugh

I've got one:

Three men were trapped on an island when a cannibal kidnapped them. He said "I will let you go if you do a task for me. If you fail the task, I will kill you and eat you. First you have to find ten fruits of your choice from the island,"
This first man came back with ten apples. The cannibal says "now the task. You must shove them up your ass without making a noise. If you do, I will kill and eat you." But on the third one the man screamed, so he was killed. Then the second man came out with ten grapes. He was told on the the same thing, but on the ninth grape he laughed, so he was killed too. In Heaven the first man askes "Why did you laugh? You were so close!" and the second man replied...

"Because I saw Bill come out with pineapples!"

[emberfly]

mite b a lil inappropiate but ill give it a try

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for
a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his
wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick
his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he
should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated
that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His
wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge
to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."

I love it!! :D

[tokyo-rose]

Moved to Humor.

[Hypnot]

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon .

Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih


The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply :

Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,
Manager

[Hypnot]

Little Turtle

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

[Hypnot]

Puzzle

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then " he said with a deep sigh, "let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[JokeInsideJoke]

Hahahaha, you guys make me laugh

I've got one:

Three men were trapped on an island when a cannibal kidnapped them. He said "I will let you go if you do a task for me. If you fail the task, I will kill you and eat you. First you have to find ten fruits of your choice from the island,"
This first man came back with ten apples. The cannibal says "now the task. You must shove them up your ass without making a noise. If you do, I will kill and eat you." But on the third one the man screamed, so he was killed. Then the second man came out with ten grapes. He was told on the the same thing, but on the ninth grape he laughed, so he was killed too. In Heaven the first man askes "Why did you laugh? You were so close!" and the second man replied...

"Because I saw Bill come out with pineapples!"

i love this one