My boyfriends,bestfriend. Options

[misfit]

Ok my boyfriend's bestfriend is a girl.They have been bestfriends for about 7 or more years.They are both 20.And she has a boyfriend also who she seems to really be in love with.I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and we love eachother and what not,but when my boyfriend comments her on myspace saying stuff like hey gorgeous,and i miss you and love you lots and stuff,it makes me feel like shit.I mean i'm his girlfriend,not her..I wish he didn't speak to her that way..I mean do you find that normal?I mean he talks to me just about the same way..It makes me feel like i'm second best.I just haven't known a friendship like that,where they are so close and speak to eachother in a lovingly type way.I just find it weird.

And his other girl bestfriend,there was a photo of him and her in his bed together,on her myspace and I just went nuts.Yet I didn't realise she has a few other photos like that with her in another guy friends bed and he also has a girlfriend..We've sorted all that out but his guy friend saw the photo and said Oh sweet hit on her....I guess he was joking but how do I know that??

Ahhhhhhhhhh I wish my boyfriend just didnt have girl bestfriends..They have made me feel unwelcome from the start..He defends them no matter what and I feel like they are so much more important than me..Sorry that this is so long.

[sillywabit]

yes, that very normal. you love him and that cuase you to want him to yourself.

[queen]

yah, those situations always take some getting used to. since he was friends with them before he even met you, of course he'd feel more inclined to defend them or "side" with them. and it's natural for you to feel dejected.

the best thing to do is let him know how you feel, talk it over, then wait it out. do not give him an ultimatum, and do not make him choose between you or his friends; that will just push him away. you don't have the right to tell him how he should act or who he should act that way towards, but you do have the right to his attention and to let him know whenever his actions make you feel like crap.

if your relationship is strong, then he'll realize how much more important you are, and he'll slowly clean up his act. if not, then maybe he's not the guy for you. sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. there's the person's lifestyle to consider, among other things.

[littleswallow]

yah, those situations always take some getting used to. since he was friends with them before he even met you, of course he'd feel more inclined to defend them or "side" with them. and it's natural for you to feel dejected.

the best thing to do is let him know how you feel, talk it over, then wait it out. do not give him an ultimatum, and do not make him choose between you or his friends; that will just push him away. you don't have the right to tell him how he should act or who he should act that way towards, but you do have the right to his attention and to let him know whenever his actions make you feel like crap.

if your relationship is strong, then he'll realize how much more important you are, and he'll slowly clean up his act. if not, then maybe he's not the guy for you. sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. there's the person's lifestyle to consider, among other things.

I totally agree.

[jeSs1cA]

I agree with the others. If you want to make your relationship work out, you need to just talk to him and tell him how you feel.

I'm kind of in the same situation as you. My bestfriend is a guy, and my boyfriend and my bestfriend are really good friends too. When my boyfriend and I started going out, he didn't like my bestfriend and I hanging out a lot alone because he always got jealous. Now, 7 months later, he's just learning to accept our bestfriend relationship.

I totally understand how you're feeling though. As the others have mentioned, it will take long to get used to, but you'll soon realize that you shouldn't have too much to worry about.

You also have a choice of becoming friends with the girl, too. Since it's your boyfriends bestfriend, ask to hang out sometime. Maybe that will bring you closer and you'll soon realize that you have nothing to worry about.

[LennonLime]

This is quite normal, I feel. One of my bestfriends was a guy for the longest time, and he had a girlfriend, and he would leave me messages like that tell me he loves me, and stuff like that. But we were friends, and only friends. His girlfriend understood, along with my boyfriend at the time.

I understand how you're feeling, but If you're boyfriend really loves you, you really don't have anything to worry about.

[RyanWasHere]

Murder his girl friends, done and done...

[Cujiine]

You need to talk to him about this stuff. Let him know that you want the words that he says to you, "Love you, gorgeous" to actually mean something instead of just being a casual phrase thrown about. Also tell him you don't like the pictures of him in bed with another girl. Doesn't matter if he's naked or wearing 30 layers of clothing. He shouldn't be in another girl's bed under any circumstances.

[*MyMichelle*]

Murder his girl friends, done and done...

Wow! You're, like, so incredibly funny and original.






Not.


To the original post-

I broke up with a boyfriend b/c he refused to stop acting so flirtatious with his "best friend." I knew nothing was going on, but I just couldn't handle it. I guess you should really talk to him. If he values you, then he should seriously think about what his priorities are.

[cupcakex]

I wouldn't put up with it. You need to tell him you don't like it, and even if he doesn't mean anything like that, he's not supposed to say those kind of things to other girls. And, if he wants to, he shouldn't have a girlfriend right now.

Tell him how it makes you feel.

[misfit]

I

sorta have told him but he says he never calls them that,i spose some of the comments are old but still we were going out then..I'd just come across them thats all and it made me feel like shit..I have brought it up before but I can't remember what was said,I spose he doesnt really call her gorgeous anymore but you know ive noticed he's called her sexy and stuff..

I know they joke around but how do i know he is joking?And theres a photo of his two girl bestfriends and he commented it saying "never the less beautiful" and i do remember bringing that up but he's like what am i meant to say,ugly?I was like its not as if you have to comment them..Then he said,she commented me so I commented her back.. I dunno just reading the comments honestly made me feel like crap..And also my boyfriend had a photo of him and I as his default but then she commented it and said i love this picture its my favourite..So then he changed his default to that pic,I wasl ike so you just change it because of what she said and he was like uhh no..I forgot i had that photo until she said something and i like it.

And then she sent him a message and at the end she wrote"freakin hot pic by the way".Also I noticed they were joking around about a photo where they looked like they were kissing..Which I have not seen.And he was like oops i slipped,they were joking but god...It seems as if they flirt and not only that she snet him a heap of photos of herself and a photo of her and his other girl bestfriend kissing and she was like is ent it to everyone...

Anyway whatever..I cant believe she said that im obsessing over it all and shes like you think about me all the time,if the world doesnt revolve around me then why do you keep sending me messages.She just dones't get it,i freakin sent her messages coz she asked me to tell her what my problems were with her.So i did GRR.I know this sounds all confusing..I'm a little confused myself.My boyfriend and I had a fight today because of it,its as if he can't see why anyone doesn't like her...I dunno im just thinking ill leave it all seriously..Just avoid her ads much as I can I guess..Makes me feel so shit though how he sometimes speaks to her..
I'm really paranoid,aren't i ?Lol.

[*MyMichelle*]

I say you break up with him.

Seriously. Your boyfriend is completely dense, and it does sound like he's cheating on you. Not maybe physically, yet, but definitely mentally.

I know it's "Dicks before chicks" or whatever; you're supposed to value your best friends over your boyfriend/girlfriend, but she is the opposite gender, and she should definitely NOT matter as much as you do. You should not be dealing with this shit. Call him out and tell him how you feel, and don't be afraid to do it.

[queen]

after your second post, i see that you've already tried numerous times to deal with the subject, and the situation hasn't been improving. add to it the fact that the girl is being such a bitch about it.

maybe you should reconsider being with this guy? or at least get some space, and see if you really do want to be with him or if he really wants to be with you.

handle it calmly though. you don't want to seem as if you're this obsessive/jealous gf. just state that this stuff bothers you, and it's not the type of relationship in which you'd prefer to be.

[alysaphobia]

Ack, I hate these kinds of situations! It's happened to me before and I got so upset with my ex that it drove me to breaking up with him. For me I HAVE to know the guy I'm with has his priorities right...

I'd tell him very bluntly, "I feel really uncomfortable when you say ___ to your friend, or do ___ with your friend." Give him one last chance. If he doesn't change his ways after you clearly warn him, then I think you should really consider breaking up with him. You definitely do not need to be this miserable in a relationship.

[misfit]

I say you break up with him.

Seriously. Your boyfriend is completely dense, and it does sound like he's cheating on you. Not maybe physically, yet, but definitely mentally.

I know it's "Dicks before chicks" or whatever; you're supposed to value your best friends over your boyfriend/girlfriend, but she is the opposite gender, and she should definitely NOT matter as much as you do. You should not be dealing with this shit. Call him out and tell him how you feel, and don't be afraid to do it.

What makes you think he is cheating on me?They live far away form eachother and I can tell how in love she is with her boyfriend and my boyfriend does show me how much he loves me.She only comes down to visit her friends every weekend.I mean theres no proof..that he is.
And they see eachother as sister and brother and she flirts with everyone.He hasnt done anything about it because he doesnt think he flirts,they both think its just joking around,i do over react,i know i can be pretty paranoid..and others say how she flirts with everyone..So I don't know,even if they joke it sorta annoys me but i mean they are so used to joking around flirting for years and the nall the sudden they have to change coz of me?

[xxlipglossxx]

You have a right to be suspicious/jealous! I completely understand. You might want to talk to him and make sure he has no feelings for this girl at all! I would.

[*MyMichelle*]

What makes you think he is cheating on me?They live far away form eachother and I can tell how in love she is with her boyfriend and my boyfriend does show me how much he loves me.She only comes down to visit her friends every weekend.I mean theres no proof..that he is.
And they see eachother as sister and brother and she flirts with everyone.He hasnt done anything about it because he doesnt think he flirts,they both think its just joking around,i do over react,i know i can be pretty paranoid..and others say how she flirts with everyone..So I don't know,even if they joke it sorta annoys me but i mean they are so used to joking around flirting for years and the nall the sudden they have to change coz of me?

No wonder your boyfriend has so many "best girlfriends." Because you're pitiful and you won't even stand up for yourself. "and the nall the sudden they have to change coz of me?" Well, if you're his goddamned girlfriend, then, yeah, maybe he should try to be less flirty and more friend-ly.

I don't know if he's cheating on you. The only information I have gotten is from what you have written personally. And from what you have written, it seems like he might as well be cheating on you. I guess you never mentioned that the other girl had a boyfriend til now?

Stop filling yourself with excuses so that you can suffer more. It's your relationship. If you want to sit there and be uncomfortable and "unwelcomed" by his girlfriends, that's your fault, your choice.

[cupcakex]

Maybe you should let him know just how much he's hurting you. I mean, you told him it bothers you, but maybe you should let him know how much it really bothers you. Ask him how he'd feel if you were doing the same thing, with other guys.

If I found out that my boyfriend was talking like that with other girls, it'd be over. Or, I'd spend a few weeks away from him, until he got his priorities straight. But, I don't deal well with jealousy.

[Chicago]

yah, those situations always take some getting used to. since he was friends with them before he even met you, of course he'd feel more inclined to defend them or "side" with them. and it's natural for you to feel dejected.

the best thing to do is let him know how you feel, talk it over, then wait it out. do not give him an ultimatum, and do not make him choose between you or his friends; that will just push him away. you don't have the right to tell him how he should act or who he should act that way towards, but you do have the right to his attention and to let him know whenever his actions make you feel like crap.

if your relationship is strong, then he'll realize how much more important you are, and he'll slowly clean up his act. if not, then maybe he's not the guy for you. sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. there's the person's lifestyle to consider, among other things.

perfectly stated

[misfit]

No wonder your boyfriend has so many "best girlfriends." Because you're pitiful and you won't even stand up for yourself. "and the nall the sudden they have to change coz of me?" Well, if you're his goddamned girlfriend, then, yeah, maybe he should try to be less flirty and more friend-ly.

I don't know if he's cheating on you. The only information I have gotten is from what you have written personally. And from what you have written, it seems like he might as well be cheating on you. I guess you never mentioned that the other girl had a boyfriend til now?

Stop filling yourself with excuses so that you can suffer more. It's your relationship. If you want to sit there and be uncomfortable and "unwelcomed" by his girlfriends, that's your fault, your choice.

I said they made me feel unwelcome in the start and then it got better.I did stand up for myself,I told her the problems i had with her.I am a very paranoid person,they do jokingly flirt but i guess maybe i just dont see it that way,it still makes me feel crappy.She does flirt with everyone.It's not as if it's just with him.Just because he has a girl bestfriend and they pretend flirt with eachother doesnt mean he's cheating on me.I remember her saying to me she'd never go down that path coz she sees him as a brother and shes completely in love with her boyfriend.

[EmoEyelinerx]

yah, those situations always take some getting used to. since he was friends with them before he even met you, of course he'd feel more inclined to defend them or "side" with them. and it's natural for you to feel dejected.

the best thing to do is let him know how you feel, talk it over, then wait it out. do not give him an ultimatum, and do not make him choose between you or his friends; that will just push him away. you don't have the right to tell him how he should act or who he should act that way towards, but you do have the right to his attention and to let him know whenever his actions make you feel like crap.

if your relationship is strong, then he'll realize how much more important you are, and he'll slowly clean up his act. if not, then maybe he's not the guy for you. sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. there's the person's lifestyle to consider, among other things.

Agreed.

[littleswallow]

I said they made me feel unwelcome in the start and then it got better.I did stand up for myself,I told her the problems i had with her.I am a very paranoid person,they do jokingly flirt but i guess maybe i just dont see it that way,it still makes me feel crappy.She does flirt with everyone.It's not as if it's just with him.Just because he has a girl bestfriend and they pretend flirt with eachother doesnt mean he's cheating on me.I remember her saying to me she'd never go down that path coz she sees him as a brother and shes completely in love with her boyfriend.

Correct me if I'm wrong but if you're in a relationship, you shouldn't even be flirting with anyone in the first place... right?

[literemix24]

as everybody said, talk to him about if you dont like it. I mean you can't put up with it forever..

[spongeboblover]

You just got to realize his friends were there before you
and its normal for him to choose them over you
because they were there first

in my opinion, flirting is okay as long as there not doing anything else but that.
because thats how they probably acted before you came along.

but about having pictures together in bed as him how old the picture is?

if you feeling jealous start talking to your guy friends like that and see how he feels

[malimars]

ahah! me and my guy bestfriend are just like that but I think worst and he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend but we tell eachother we love eachother and miss eachother we joke around alot worst than your boyfriend and his bestfriend. I mean they have been bestfriends for a while they must of been joking around like this before you two starting dating so why should they stop now? and if they do stop its just gonna make things awkward between them because they are use to being themselfs and joking around with eachother and sooner or later they will both turn on you and realize their relationship isnt the same because of you which isnt cool , my guy bestfriend also tells me all the time Im hot I dont take it serious tho I take it as a compliment .You need to chill and remember its YOU hes with and not her if he wanted her he'd try and be with her.