Dear cB Diary,, Createblog Diary no. 10 Options

[flutterby88]

ARGH! i hate when they fight. was having such a good day too. and i keep getting this headache. anyway, it was a good day. had my interview at sterling and looks like i'm on board! gonna be such a fun place to work at, they're so nice there. just gonna wait for her call tomorrow. then tap was SO fun, she said i can take the next level up for the next workshop, then singing was SO fun, did the rum and coca cola song again. awkward guy was his usual awkward self. i can't stand awkward people. lol then there was the escaped riverview guy on the bus and the guy high on meth on the skytrain. people are messed up i tell you. wish C was still living with us at times like this, was easier to deal with parents when she was there to stand up for me. now i gotta do it:P. which is all good, just tiring in a way. less than two weeks till M's home, did so well this week! kept so busy i hardly missed him! but right now i wish i could phone him up to just talk. all the friends i have and really, he's the one i've got.

[dustbunny]

cbd:

I NEED TO START SUMMER READING SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

[flutterby88]

i love summer! things are just getting better and better, if possible. on wednesday, F and I tapped away and K made us the most DELICIOUS dinner, holy man, she is the ideal housewife i swear. so crazy though:P. walking around with curlers in her hair. goddamit, if only she'd start comparing her body to mine. anyway, then improv was SO funny, i almost fell off my chair, and then everyone came over after!! just like we used to!! it'd been so long since i had a wednesday party. it was fun. then thursday when tap tap tapping with F and it was the best class yet so far! we're really coming along:D. then yesterday i ran some errands before meeting up with L at sfu, we conducted our super cool experiment and chilled till we met up with A at starbucks:D. then we went to metrotown where i met E, really nice guy:):). yay for friends mingling! then had japanese for dinner which was a barrel of laughs, i love that group of my friends:) so down to earth. then met S, coolest name ever, also very sweet girl, and we watched bourne ultimatum!!! OMG FRICKIN AMAZING MOVIE!!! holy man, me and L were speechless, so cool:D. then today had my first shift at sterling!!! omg it's the best job, exactly what i was looking for:D:D:D. i love it there, and the work is fun too. and SHOES! S is the best manager ever too, so low pressure and so friendly. the staff is small and sweet too. and it's so fun selling SHOES:D! yay commission. tomorrow i have driving, then work, then lazer tag!!! then monday i can't go to the art gallery with L cuz i work then have singing. but friday we're both free:). tuesday is my new tap class! i think i have driving too. and wednesday is improv, i should have everyone over again. then thursday tap, without F though:(. then friday after downtown with L i have work then my magical week starts all over again! except this time it includes M coming home:D:D:D:D:D:D!!!! i'm so proud of myself with dealing with him gone so well:). but i still can't wait to catch up with him when he comes home, i'll bet he'll have loads of stories too. oooo and i finally get to meet M too, i hope B wakes up and smells the roses, this could be her chance.

[RAWRstephishere]

Dear CB Diary,

I wish my parents would hurry up and get divorced now.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

This sucks. People are either gone or busy...I need to go DO something today. And my parents are being gay again. Fuuuuck.

edit.

Screw that. I do not want to do your bullshit for you because you don't have enough f**king time. Thats YOUR shit. I don't care if you'll pay me. I don't want to do it. And screw you guys...I should be able to do what I want. f**k.

I want to really be 'free' like it says on me...

[*mzkandi*]

Dear cB,

If everything is going so great, why do I feel so sad? Hmmmm.


-Kiera

[Crash2]

Dear cB diary journal,

The rain's great. The thunder's great. The lightning's great.

But do I really HAVE to get up in 2 1/2 hours?!

Justin

[heyyfrankie]

Dear cB Diary,

Today's my first dayyy!! Ohmahgoddd. i'm actually kinda nervous. But like, i'm sure i can do it..working fast food can't be THAT hard. wish me luckkkk. :]

--Frankie

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I can't believe I couldn't go! My stupid . was gonna end today anyway, so why not?! It was her birthday, and I can't even go because of something STUPID like THAT? She probably had the shittiest birthday ever, with nobody to go with ! I promised her that I could go, until my mom said that I couldn't because if my . Wtf?

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Why is this eating me up so much? Why can't I accept it? Godammit.
...

[Crash2]

Dear cB place where I write stuff,

This has been a pretty good week. I hope the rest of the summer is like this week.

AHH!! School's in 17 days?!

Justin

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

WHAT THE F*CK?! I don't even do something like that, wow that was so low. UGH IM SO PISSED. It's not like he never did it, and I even have proof! What gives him the f**king right to do that? I'm ignoring him for the rest of my f*cking life. Aiiiii

[minioligo]

Dear cB diary,
I want change. I want so badly for things to change, but I want things to go back to the way things were with him. Why does he treat me like that now? No, he doesn't treat me badly or anything, but his replies are stale and boring, meaningless and uninteresting. Did I really go down on his standards so much? What happened to being number one to right down last? Why do I care so much, anyway? He's a fcking manwhore now. Shit, I want to hate him, but I can't. Did our friendship really mean that much to me? Do I really like him or not? I think I'm just getting nervous. Maybe things will be different. Or maybe I will watch things go from worse to the goddamn bottom. Just like me. At the goddamn f**king bottom. Damn, I hate being emotional and shitty like this. Where the f**k does it all come from, anyway? It's not like I have any real drama anyway. I probably just overanalyze everything and let things go out of proportion, like I usually do. I just need to be distracted. It's time for things to go in the direction I want them to. I need them to...or else I'm just going to have to be the loser like I am now.

Edit:// You know what's funny? This seems like it could be to two separate people. I have to reassure myself it's to the one guy from school. Hahah

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I can't wait for tomorrow :) Even though going to Boston's going to take 3 and 1/2 hours, it's going to be worth it. The thing I really want is a hotel.. where everything's clean and I can relax Actually, we're mainly going there because of my brother's stupid college campus tours.. Oh, and I can't wait until we get to go white-water rafting! (Thursday) It's going to be so much fun (like always) It's about time my summer's getting better.!

[blacknailpolish]

Dear cB diary,

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Ok, the song is kind of depressing, but it kind of describes where I am right now with everything, so I'll keep listening. The way things have been going, my life's at a standstill of sorts. All around me are all these people going off into the world and seeing all sorts of things I've never seen, doing things I've never done. "Enlarge your world" the song says. I wish I could, I really do...

I can't believe after things finally started to get back to normal for him, though, she would all of a sudden come back out of the blue as if nothing had happened at all. Although, I suppose, to her nothing HAS happened... I mean, forget the fact that they've hardly talked at all this whole summer. She just thinks she can just pop up and say "Oh, hi! How'ya been?" If he goes down any sort of path with her now as a result, I swear that'll be the last straw. I can't always be the one to think logically in this relationship. I mean come on, he knows how toxic she is for him. He knows how she makes him feel, what she makes him think. But no, for some reason she's worth it???? No. I'm not taking that this time. Forget it, if that happens again, I'm just done.

...oh who am I kidding? How could I ever be done with him? How could I even pretend I could ever be done with him? I know its impossible, so why even kid myself by writing it here? I suppose if I see it on the screen it might make me see what I should do. But I don't think I should just give up on him...but what about her... *sigh* you know what??? F**k it.

[*Michelle*]

Dear cB Diary,

My life would be great,

if I weren't so miserable.

I can't let it go, and I can't stop this from building. Every time I feel like it's alright, something else just sparks another flight of anger.

I need to get away and forget everything.

Love, Michelle

[Crash2]

Dear cB Diary,

People are stupid. Well, just a select few of them. Can't we all just get along?

If only that select few would stop isolating themselves maybe things can get back to normal again.

This'll definitely get interesting once school starts up again.

Justin

[silver-rain]

Dear cb Diary,

I'm in a right mess. I can't believe I've fallen for another guy just like every other guy I've "been" with since I broke up with Stephen. Completely used me. And yet, here I am hoping that he'll text me back/call me/ etc. I'm disappointed he didn't wait for me, I'm upset he didn't even talk to me tonight. I'm disgusted with myself for liking him. Why can't I just have a simple fling, no strings attached. Why why why do I always end up liking the guy, and falling for him when he doesn't even care about me. And, to throw in the fact that he's ---- and older than I am, wow... What is wrong with me. Have I really lost touch with myself that I get into these things. Why can't a normal, cute boy like me? Why does my life seem to revolve around guys? I just wish I could be happy...

[xTINAA]

Dear cB Diary,
I'm tired and I'm stressed. I feel like I need a vacation. I feel like I'm getting worn down. I'm so tired of everything. Why do my parents need to yell at me about EVERY little thing? I'm not even doing anything half of the time. Like yesterday, when I got yelled at for mentioning a haircut I want. Are you freaking serious? It's my f**king hair. I'm nearly 20 and you're telling me I can't cut it the way I want to cut it because you think its ugly and only for tall, skinny girls? ARE YOU SERIOUS? WOW. And freaking my boyfriend.. oh my goodness. Why do we have to fight every single damn day?? I can't handle it. I can't handle going back and forth in my emotions in one day, everyday. It's stressing me out and seriously taking a toll on me. Is it only because we don't see each other as often anymore? Because if that's it, that's not good. That's not healthy. We need to be able to be away from each other without always bickering about stupid shit, right? What's wrong with me?? Why am I so stressed out? It's still SUMMER and I'm already this stressed...I can't imagine how it will be in the school year.
Love, Christina.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cb diary,

For christs sakes. I go out and have fun instead of sitting at home. GET OVER IT. UGH.

[minioligo]

Dear cB diary,
I hurt. So much.


...Why?

I keep crying randomly. When I listen to some random song, tears come flowing out, even when I'm not thinking about anything.

Why.

[TimeZonesAway]

dear cb diary,
i wanted to hurt myself the other day
i really enjoyed the feeling of my palms squeezing my temple

i've never been a fond of pain
but now i am.
hmm..interesting

i want sex- and drugs- and alcohol
that's not right.

i'm 15 and i want more than i can handle.

i love a girl..that probably doesn't like // love me like that.
i hate a boy. but yet i still think about him..in ways i shouldn't.

my eye hurts..and so does my stomach..
im tired.

[xTINAA]

Michelle - Just read your post... I COMPLETELY feel the same way.

Dear cB Diary,
I'm really confused with so many things. I can't exactly pinpoint the one thing that is upsetting me so much lately and making me lash out on people. I don't know what's wrong? And because I don't know what's making me feel so sad and upset, I have no way of fixing it. So, I'm kind of stuck. That's the best word I can think of to describe how I feel right now - stuck. I'm stuck at home with my family because my apartments aren't built yet. I'm stuck in a shitty relationship (shitty for now..) because of distance and who KNOWS what else. I'm stuck in a mass state of confusion and frustration ALL of the damn time because of the fact that I feel so stuck. Hahaha.. that probably just makes me sound like a psycho and doesn't make any sense at all. I just don't kno what to do with myself anymore. I'm lost. My two and really only best, real friends are gone. One moved to another country and the other another state. I barely get to talk to either of them, so I just feel so lonely. I have this boyfriend who says he loves me but half the time he's not even there for me, as I would think a loving boyfriend would be. He's supposed to be my best friend now and fill that void but he's not. Sometimes he even makes me feel worse and I can't talk to him about it. He pushes all of our problems to the side or thinks that "I love you" or "I'm sorry" is a quick fix. I'm hoping that once school starts, the monotony of everything will keep me sane. Who knows?
Love, Christina.

[pinacoolada]

Dear CB diary,

Possibly the most painful night I have ever experienced was last night. I have work today...I don't feel up to it. I can't believe him. Is he oblivious, or what?

- Rachelle

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Fcuk, fck, fcuk. I screwed up so bad. And now my cat!?