Trust?, I need him to trust me |
 Feb 15 2007, 05:46 PM
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#1
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 november 25th,, <3  Group: Member Posts: 473 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,226  |
Its a long kinda story. We have been together on and off for about half a year. Hes an amazing guy. He gives me everything I need. and not just sexually. I love him, and I know I love him. He gives me that kinda high everytime I see him.. okay but anyway,, The past few months I was cheating on him. It seems weird how i was just saying I love him blah blah then I cheat on him right? I don't even have a reason for it? I guess I like change. & I lied about it the whole time even though he knew it. He knew I was lien. But I kept saying I wasn't cheating. He knew it, & I knew he knew. But I feel like I've changed now, and all those guys that I talked to before were a waist of my time... But anyway we broke up & He took me back. I need to do somethin' to get his trust back fully. I cut off a bunch of dudes I had on the "side" kinda thing and he said that was helping... I feel like I'm out of ideas, Ive never had to "gain" someones trust before,, what the hell do I do?
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Feb 15 2007, 06:58 PM
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#2
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 283 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 499,850 |
One thing you have to realize: you can't gain someone's trust in a matter of a day. It's a gradual process. It's going to take months.
Now even the smallest mistake you make is going to be blown into a bigger proportion to him because of your little cheating incident. So you better be cautious with every move you make. Second, and this goes to any other cheaters out there claiming you love your significant other, you don't love him. You don't "accidentally" make that kind of mistakes, especially for months lengths when you love somebody. Good luck. |
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Feb 15 2007, 07:07 PM
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#3
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 Hello There. Group: Member Posts: 1,572 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 88,673 |
^^i agree with him.
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Feb 15 2007, 09:08 PM
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#4
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I'm Cattt. :] Group: Validating Posts: 1,722 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,831 |
Think about this honestly in you head.
If you truly loved him, why would you even think of cheating on him? |
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| *Uronacid* |
Feb 16 2007, 01:34 AM
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#5
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QUOTE(__Nessa @ Feb 15 2007, 5:46 PM)  Its a long kinda story. We have been together on and off for about half a year. Hes an amazing guy. He gives me everything I need. and not just sexually. I love him, and I know I love him. He gives me that kinda high everytime I see him.. okay but anyway,, The past few months I was cheating on him. It seems weird how i was just saying I love him blah blah then I cheat on him right? I don't even have a reason for it? I guess I like change. & I lied about it the whole time even though he knew it. He knew I was lien. But I kept saying I wasn't cheating. He knew it, & I knew he knew. But I feel like I've changed now, and all those guys that I talked to before were a waist of my time... But anyway we broke up & He took me back. I need to do somethin' to get his trust back fully. I cut off a bunch of dudes I had on the "side" kinda thing and he said that was helping... I feel like I'm out of ideas, Ive never had to "gain" someones trust before,, what the hell do I do? It seems weird how i was just saying I love him blah blah then I cheat on him right? Yeah, maybe because you didn't actually love him... what the hell do I do? I don't know... everyone is different, but one thing we all have in common is that (like knrxswat said) trust takes time. You aren't going to gain that trust back in a matter of days. It could take months, years even. On top of all that, the fact that you cheated on him is going to ensure that you're walking on the sharpest pins and needles your boyfriend can muster all along the way. Think of trust like a little status bar in a video game. Everything you do with that person effects that status bar. Example:
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Feb 16 2007, 04:38 PM
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#6
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 Jake - The Unholy Trinity / Premiscuous Poeteer. Group: Member Posts: 1,272 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 411,316 |
QUOTE(Uronacid @ Feb 16 2007, 1:34 AM) It seems weird how i was just saying I love him blah blah then I cheat on him right? Yeah, maybe because you didn't actually love him... what the hell do I do? I don't know... everyone is different, but one thing we all have in common is that (like knrxswat said) trust takes time. You aren't going to gain that trust back in a matter of days. It could take months, years even. On top of all that, the fact that you cheated on him is going to ensure that you're walking on the sharpest pins and needles your boyfriend can muster all along the way. Think of trust like a little status bar in a video game. Everything you do with that person effects that status bar. Example:
HAHAHA. He shouldn't trust you. I'd bitch slap you if you did that to me. Actually I'd say 'Go have fun having sex with people besides me. Whore.' |
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Feb 17 2007, 09:22 AM
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#7
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 damn, right! Group: Member Posts: 368 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 174,547 |
"We always hurt the ones we love" is quite the quote to describe this.
Like everyone said, trust takes time. It could take months, even years to gain it back. I don't think 'because I like change' is a good reason to cheat on your boyfriend at all. What you should do? Hmm... I think you should be a good girlfriend to him, because (forgive me for being rude and insensitive) frankly speaking, you haven't been one at all. |
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Feb 17 2007, 12:29 PM
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#8
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,614 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,903 |
Why should he trust you after what you did to him. It's hard for people to trust someone as much as they once did. You will never have that same trust back with that person no matter how hard you try.
You will just have to live what you have and tell him how you feel about him every day that you are with him. |
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| *S0ul_Reaper* |
Feb 17 2007, 03:42 PM
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#9
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as seon ho was stating Gaining his trust back would be a gradual process or even might not happen. These kinds of incidents stick in peoples minds and even if they want to believe that you won't cheat on them, the thought would always occurr. If theres doubt in a relationship then it's not a relationship you doubt that he will trust you again and he may doubt your motives and actions like how will I know she won't cheat on me again, do I really want to give her my trust back, will I be hurt again. If theres no form of communication being involved but just questions with no answers then your best off not being together but rather being friends. You say you loved him, but love is such a word that is overly abused, you may have sacrificed them other guys now, but that will only help a little because you admitted throwing them other guys off. It kinda sucks you even cheated on him, no one deserves that. but it's life, full of surprises and what not.
But whatever you may do, best of wishes. |
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Feb 17 2007, 05:04 PM
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#10
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I'm Cattt. :] Group: Validating Posts: 1,722 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,831 |
QUOTE(Uronacid @ Feb 16 2007, 1:34 AM) It seems weird how i was just saying I love him blah blah then I cheat on him right? Yeah, maybe because you didn't actually love him... what the hell do I do? I don't know... everyone is different, but one thing we all have in common is that (like knrxswat said) trust takes time. You aren't going to gain that trust back in a matter of days. It could take months, years even. On top of all that, the fact that you cheated on him is going to ensure that you're walking on the sharpest pins and needles your boyfriend can muster all along the way. Think of trust like a little status bar in a video game. Everything you do with that person effects that status bar. Example:
Now you're making it seem like relationships are just a game. Great job. |
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Feb 17 2007, 06:01 PM
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#11
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,614 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,903 |
QUOTE(xMyStIcShAd0wSx @ Feb 17 2007, 5:04 PM) Now you're making it seem like relationships are just a game. Great job. But it is a game.  You have to play your cards right. |
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Feb 17 2007, 06:39 PM
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#12
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november 25th,, <3 Group: Member Posts: 473 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,226 |
Thanks. Yesterday I seen him & quite frankly it was good. We talked and talked. Basically what you guys said was what he was saying. Its gonna take him a while for him to trust me. He doesn't dout my love though. Thanks again.
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Feb 17 2007, 08:22 PM
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#13
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 283 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 499,850 |
You don't love him.
Get over it. |
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| *Uronacid* |
Feb 17 2007, 09:51 PM
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#14
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QUOTE(xMyStIcShAd0wSx @ Feb 17 2007, 5:04 PM) Now you're making it seem like relationships are just a game. Great job. It's not a game, but there is some science behind relationships that can seem almost like mathematical equations... like the whole trust status bar thing... it really is like that... |
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Feb 17 2007, 10:04 PM
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#15
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 93 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,810 |
may i state something? if you really loved your bf, wouldnt you not cheat at all? psycologically, its a proven fact that every human being is addicted to change. thats why people cheat, and thats why in articles to help long-term marriage coupples always suggest "trying something new." i know im really being anal about it, but yeah. and also trust is a VERY fragile thing. i learned it the hard way through my mom. i'm usually the really good girl that does what my mom wants me to do, and tells her everything im doing. but sudden changes in schedules (high school life. very shakey), and one time i forgot to tell her that i was going to go out to hang out with my friend. and everything was ruined. my mom doesnt trust me much now, she keeps tabs on me all the time and doesnt fully trust everything i say. all it takes is one thing. another example, my friend had a bf. she and he were very happy with each other. but the bf was one who committed felony (stabbed a guy's eye with a scissor) and he was on probation. hes really nice, but hes really had some very rough times in his life. and he totally trusted my friend to not tell anyone. but guess what? she told me, and other close friends (6 in all), once he found out that happened, he couldnt stand to trust her completely ever again, and immediately ended it with my friend, because he believes that its impossible to have a relationship with someone you cant trust completely.
yeah, it is a game, to the human mind. but scientists KNOW that its a science thing where chemicals make you THINK thats youre in love >w< its such a long thing to explain :) if you want to noe more about those stuff, just im me at pinkcowzfly :) |
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Feb 18 2007, 12:45 AM
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#16
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,614 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,903 |
QUOTE(Uronacid @ Feb 17 2007, 9:51 PM) It's not a game, but there is some science behind relationships that can seem almost like mathematical equations... like the whole trust status bar thing... it really is like that... You can't say that it coulden't pass as a game. I mean.. You work your way up.. to fall. |
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Feb 18 2007, 06:22 PM
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#17
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november 25th,, <3 Group: Member Posts: 473 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,226 |
QUOTE(krnxswat @ Feb 17 2007, 8:22 PM) You don't love him. Get over it. don't try & tell me my feelings,, kthx. |
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| *Uronacid* |
Feb 18 2007, 06:37 PM
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#18
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QUOTE(__Nessa @ Feb 18 2007, 6:22 PM) don't try & tell me my feelings,, kthx. Well, love isn't just about feelings. It's also about choices, and you chose to do something that many people consider to be very unloving. Did you love him when you made the choice to cheat on him? What is love to you? Maybe your definition of love is different than both mine and his. Although he shouldn't be telling you how you feel, I do agree with him. Actions speak a lot louder than words do... |
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Feb 18 2007, 06:50 PM
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#19
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 ♥ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,066 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,393 |
How could you possibly even expect him to trust you, ever again? I certainly wouldn't. Be grateful he's even giving you the time of day. And obviously, he doesn't give you everything you need, or else you wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
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Feb 19 2007, 09:39 PM
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#20
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 Senior Member Group: Posts: 8,274 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 8,001 |
You're a slut. How do you expect him to believe you. YOU MADE IT HARDER FOR HIM TO TRUST YOU. You just blew him away. And, what's not? you're asking for trust. what kind of person you are when you're just running off to more people. it doesnt matter if you cut more dudes or whatever.
love is about being loyal and respecting your partner's love. if you really want to get with him, start all over, say sorry to him, and not being a whore anymore. you should know better that you shouldnt be hogging people at once. it's never fair for anyone. |
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Feb 20 2007, 04:56 PM
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#21
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november 25th,, <3 Group: Member Posts: 473 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,226 |
QUOTE(Spiritual Winged Aura @ Feb 19 2007, 9:39 PM) You're a slut. How do you expect him to believe you. YOU MADE IT HARDER FOR HIM TO TRUST YOU. You just blew him away. And, what's not? you're asking for trust. what kind of person you are when you're just running off to more people. it doesnt matter if you cut more dudes or whatever. love is about being loyal and respecting your partner's love. if you really want to get with him, start all over, say sorry to him, and not being a whore anymore. you should know better that you shouldnt be hogging people at once. it's never fair for anyone. Saying I'm a slut really helps the situation, thanks bud =) |
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Feb 20 2007, 07:33 PM
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#22
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 558 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 102,872 |
hmm yeah I pretty much agree with what most of these people say.
true love involves commitment |
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Feb 20 2007, 10:06 PM
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#23
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Senior Member Group: Posts: 8,274 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 8,001 |
QUOTE(__Nessa @ Feb 20 2007, 1:56 PM) Saying I'm a slut really helps the situation, thanks bud =) Lady, that's not the point. I don’t hate you or whatever. I just want to point it out that your action is a characteristic of a slut to me. You don’t have to be a slut. You could be a better person by starting now. It takes time for young people like you to become wise, experienced, learn your mistakes and realize what’s you’re doing or who you are. It’s important to know your sense of you who you are. problems will always be problems. they dont go away UNTIL YOU SOLVE IT IN A RIGHT WAY. |
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Feb 21 2007, 08:22 AM
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#24
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Member Group: Member Posts: 10 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 441,648 |
it's gonna be hard for him to trust you, esp. if that guy was me, it'd probably take almost another year just to trust you, he's gonna trust you on his own, idk if there's much you can do to help it go by faster. just start and keep being honest with him. i don't think i really helped =x
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| *Uronacid* |
Feb 21 2007, 05:30 PM
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#25
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QUOTE(Spiritual Winged Aura @ Feb 20 2007, 10:06 PM) Lady, that's not the point. I don’t hate you or whatever. I just want to point it out that your action is a characteristic of a slut to me. You don’t have to be a slut. You could be a better person by starting now. It takes time for young people like you to become wise, experienced, learn your mistakes and realize what’s you’re doing or who you are. It’s important to know your sense of you who you are. problems will always be problems. they dont go away UNTIL YOU SOLVE IT IN A RIGHT WAY. You call her a young person, but how old are you? If I recall you aren't much older than her... in fact, I remember giving you advice about a highschool problem. I don't even consider myself to be wise or experienced... I just read a lot of books... Why don't you give her a suggestion to help her "SOLVE IT IN A RIGHT WAY". 
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