Someone you're supposed to trust, molests you. Options

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

I have a friend who recently told me her dad used to touch her when she was little, and he had videocameras set up in her room and everything. She kept it in for a while but finally told her aunt, under the assumption that her aunt would keep everything a secret. But her aunt told her uncle and word got around and now the majority of her family knows it. The worse part is, she told her mom from the start but her mom didn't do anything. And now that it's come to be a HUGE problem, with the family split into two, her mom and dad against everyone else she's caught up still loving her father but hating her father, wanting to do whats best for everyone else and not worrying about herself. Her mother makes her feel like shit, and tells her " This is all your fault, you never should have told anyone, you should have just kept your mouth shut. " I've tried telling her that it's NOT her fault her dad did that to her, and that it's wrong that her mother would say such a thing. But she loves her mom and dad, and doesn't want to deal with anything and she just wants to move in with her aunt like her mom is saying she is going to do. Ive basically told her she cant ignore it, and just go away and expect it to just solve itself. She doesn't want her dad in jail either, and she says she just wants to forget it, but she cant bcus it keeps on following her everyday of her life. I told her it wont stop following her until she stops running from it and faces it. but she just doesnt want to and at this point i dont know what to do anymore. so that's where you come in cB, what do you think ? Ive tried telling her to do whats best for HER, and if its getting away for a while so be it, but she cant get away forever. if its staying under her fathers roof then do it. She's just so confused and hurt and lost and I dont know how to help her.

[wishforhelsinki]

'Ive tried telling her to do whats best for HER, and if its getting away for a while so be it'. maybe that's it. maybe you need to let her figure this out by herself. i think you should let the topic drop. it's not the best advice, it sounds mean, but i really think you should do that. because would you really want to listen to what your friend is saying when you're caught up with all those other things? lay off a while. she'll do what she thinks is best later. & if she leaves it, then you know what she thought was best.

[Comptine]

continue giving her love and support.

honestly, with molestation cases and horrible home situations, no one knows how to deal with it.

ask your friend, what she wants. she can't make something like her father molesting her go away. she already told people. if she is unsure, recommend her take some time to think about it or talk to people who were meant to deal with things like this - like guidance counselors or a helpline.

[shaixe]

I'm very sorry that happened to your friend. It sounds to me like things are being taken (relatively) lightly. I myself would be in an uproar, furious at the S.O.B. for taking advantage of my daughter. Maybe JaneJumped and Endless_Symphony are right and patience is the best alternative here... but I tend to think that lecherous "father" needs to be put in jail. I understand why you wouldn't want to go to the police, but maybe the incident should be brought to the attention of a school councilor or a teacher or something?

What that man did was wrong. I can understand your friend's love for her family, but she's confused at the moment. And she's going to have a lot to deal with for the rest of her life. If her family isn't willing to step up to the plate and be there for her, maybe you should be?

[priyas]

Her father was wrong to molest his own daughter.
I think you should continue to support her, but not mention her childhood to much to her because then it will bring back the pain.

[kimmytree]

Oh my goodness, thats terrible.

Her father deserves to be in jail. How could a father do that? And even worse, how could her mother not do anything about it? And what about the aunt, she should have done something. If I were you, I'd go to a guidance councelor or someone like that and tell them everything you know. I think in the long run, your friend would be so much better off.

[Kontroll]

I don't even know if this is worth replying to cause this is actually one topic in the relationship forum that actually isn't stupid. It actually matters. Not like those teenage romances.

Well, from the little experience I have, I just kept it quite. I know she's beyond that point not, but her only hope is to stand up for herself. It seems like she's just letting her parents and family members make her feel like she did something wrong, but she didn't. She has to feel like she did the right thing and know that as well. Stand up for herself and back up what she says.

That's what I would do. Confrontation. It builds relationships. Oh, and forgive her dad and mother. If she hasn't already.