Forgive or just simply forget?, I can't take the feeling I get from seeing him anymore. Options

[unconfirmed_exis...]

What I have just done a year ago stirred within me.
Bothered me to put it in simple words.
There was a boy named Tuan. We had a english class together,
he liked me and I was in the process of getting to know him
to see if it was a guy worth diving into a relationship with.

But as I got closer to this person the more I found out about him.
But then suddenly lies and truth got mixed up and
I got so confused on what to believe him or his friend
who were giving me two completely different stories.

I'm known as quite a oblivious girl at school,
so I perfer to have friends that don't take advantage of me
by lying to me and snicker at the fact they can get away by doing so.
And who wants to be friends with a snake with a forked tongue correct?
Well, I got frusterated by all the things tuan was telling me was true,
and his friend telling me what Tuan said was false.

So I made one topic, the last straw. I gave Tuan a secret online,
gave it only to him. I told him not to tell a soul about it.
Only to find out as I went to the mall somehow his
friend happened to know this only a few days later.

I took that as the tie breaker between trusting Tuan or trusting his friend.
I was hurt that one of the two lied to me, and finding someone
responcible for one of their crimes, I didn't want to start trouble by hurting them
physically or verbally.. But still upset that perhaps Tuan was the liar
feeding me simple lies all along. I broke off what friendship I had
with Tuan and gave him the cold turkey ever since.

It's been a year since then and I don't know
whether my actions a year ago was right or wrong.
Everytime I see the kid, I'm reminded of what
happened for us not to even talk anymore.
It's been bothering me for awhile, I wonder if it was
about time I did something to get it off my chest..

Createblog, do you think what I did was too servere
and I should forgive the guy and apologise for being so harsh
or perhaps I am better off not talking to the person?

[kimmytree]

I think you'd be better off still not talking/associating with him.

Are you sure his friend was telling the truth? Or is it possible he might have been lying? If you think he might have been lying or exaggerating, then maybe the guy might deserve a second chance. But I doubt it though.

[unconfirmed_exis...]

happykmd-->There's a chance they both might be lying,
there's a chance only one of them are
responcible for telling me most of the lies.

All I know is even though
I told them both on myspace
"if one of you guys don't fess up to lying,
who ever I catch in the act of decieving me..
I will be extermely harsh. So tell me now
or else the punishment will be worse."

Both claimed to be free of all charges
which really pissed me off.

Doesn't anyone value "truth" anymore?!

Btw, thank you for giving me your opinion.
It helps a lot!

[miceylulu]

I think you shouldn't talk to him. If you tried to be friends with him again, neither will learn their lesson. If Tuan was lying, then he needs to understand that you're not coming back and that lying was wrong. If his friend was lying, he needs to see his actions have consequences and he can't just have everything all hunky dorey just because you want to give up a grudge. I'm not trying to be mean, but they need to learn.

[kimmytree]

Aw Your welcome. You've given me advice plenty of times too.

Well in that case then.... I think its going to be hard to figure out who's really lying. Maybe the guys friend lied about all that stuff just to make his friend look bad, because he likes you too? But after not talking to both of them for so long, I think it'd be really hard to go back and start over with Tuan if he really was innocent.

[unconfirmed_exis...]

miceylulu---> True, perhaps forgiving them would only make
them believe they can get away with lying!

Thanks for sharing your opinion with me.

happykmd ---> Ahhh, I did? I'm somewhat forgetful of usernames and such.
Members got each other's back in times like these eh?

I'm quite sure Tuan's friend didn't lie because he liked me.
I'm so sure of this because he already
had a girlfriend whom he loved at that point.

~gulp~
Now that I think of it yes it would be difficult.
But then occationally I obtain enough confidience become the sort of girl
that pulls a guy that she hasn't talk to out for awhile to have "a talk".

[evaleen]

Oooh, maybe don't talk to him.

I sorta had the same problem. I went out with this guy but he was all lies. So I broke it off. But me being the dumb ass I am, I started talking to the guy who I had tried so hard to ignore. Now I have a bf, and my ex constantly snitches on my bf so that I could break up with him. And now he's getting all depressed and crap [same guy from my other topics]

I just think it's better to not talk to him. I doubt he has changed =/

[LostRenaissance]

well there can be 2 sides
1. Tuan lied to u about stuff to make him self look good in front of you to "impress" u. and the friend is being a good guy and trying ot protect u.
2. Tuan is actully not lying but telling u the truth and since they are good friends his buddy uses their friendship and tell u lies to make him look bad in front of u maybe either he likes u or something.


Since wats done is done its better to move on and stop thinking about these things, its the past leave it move on.

P.S: guys do tend to change for the girl they like to someone that "fits" the girl they like the best.

[*Uronacid*]

Hey, you can forgive the guy, but you don't need to peruse any sort of relationship with him (friend or BF/GF). You shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to be friends with him, or being "too harsh". If you feel as if you were too harsh then only you would know, but there are certain people in this world that are not worth having as a friend.

Look at this kid. Everything he says he will do falls through. He never keeps his word, and he consistently lies to you (If he lied about keeping that secret, then why wouldn't he lie about the other things?). What reason do you have to keep being his friend?


Bottom Line:
Forgiveness is never bad, but sometimes friendship just isn't worth it.

[Dabme]

i would juss forget. any one who is willing to lie to you isnt worth anything your willing to give them

[xmoon_lightx]

If yu really think hes worth it then i think yu should forgive him :)

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Note: I want to thank everyone for expressing their opinion on this topic,
you helped me better understand my situation and come up with a solution.

I'm 90% certain I should leave things the way they are since
things seem to be going so well without Tuan, friend or not.

Fragil_BlackRose ---> I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Must be so annoying having that guy bug your boyfriend.

Thanks for sharing your opinion/personal stories.

LostRenaissance---> I guess love and liking people make people do crazy things..
But the fact that you have to try and be someone else for the person to like you.
And lying when a person asks you for the truth? I'd be fine with the truth as long as it is the truth..

You are right about one thing, I should leave stuff like this behind..
I just tend to be the sort of person who wants to look back on things
to improve who I am as a person. So looking at Tuan from now
and then makes me wonder if it was the right thing to do
if someone else was in my situation.

Uronacid--> This happening a year ago it's hard to remember
the way I really felt at the time about the subject.. It probably
seemed right to me at the time.. But now that a year has past
I feel a lot different about things and I forget the feelings that justified what I done.

To be honest, I feel like he's somewhat of a coward.
When someone finds fault it seems like a convient excuse pops up,
not to mention now and then a person tells my female friend
how Tuan has been saying horrible things about
her that makes me doubt him as a person.

guessewho---> Ahahaha I would love to do so,
but it's difficult if you have a class with this person,
hang out with the same group of friends or a sport..
From time to time you have to cooperate with the person making
it very difficult when you don't want to talk to the person..

xmoon_lightx---> Ahahaha he seems alright from far away..
Do I think he's worth it? I can't say..

[*krnxswat*]

How about forgive and forget?

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

this is probably the best thing that you can do. First if you really want to talk to him just do it. then you can ask him about things he told you a year before BUT dont remind him about what he said. If its a lie then you will know because the story will change and no matter what not everyone can remeber thier lies especially if its a numerous amount (stories tend to change) and if its the truth the story will be the same even a year later of you guys not talking. Well i would stop believeing Tuan's friend because he seems like a backstabber and a guy who just wants drama. How about getting someone else who you trust 100% and ask them to go and ask Tuan about him you can also know if he just tells you one story and he tells other people some other story.

I dont know, but if he really wanted something he would have asked you whats up and why you guys are not talking and then have a serious talk with his friend in front of you.