When lost love returns... Options

[Winter]

I think the oldies may remember me and the issues I always have with my boyfriend. I haven't been here in a very long time so I'll just catch you guys up.

While my boyfriend was in Iraq, we had a fight about some racist things he said about Muslims so I stopped talking to him. Thinking back, he probably wasn't at a good time or in a good place but I still feel it was wrong for him to say the stuff he said. So it takes me a whole year to get over him and suddenly one day I receive a call from him. We had a long, long talk about everything and I forgive him for what he said.

I'm happy that he's back but also so pissed at him. It took me a whole year to put him in the back of my head. Does he think he can waltz right back in like nothing ever went wrong? I screamed at him and cried and screamed again and... You guys get the picture. So we had a talk about us and decided to give it another go.

But after spending some time with him, I just get this feeling that we're not on the same page anymore. I just graduated high school and I'm starting college next month. He's in the Marines and he's leaving for Iraq again next month. We're thinking about different things now. And now I feel like the age difference is really starting to show. Yeah sure I'm 17 and he's 20 and in retrospective that's only 3 years. When we met, we were both in high school so we were dealing with the same issues and everything. But now he's thinking of war and I'm thinking of shopping for new clothes for college...

I know many of you are going to say "Just break up with him!" but it's not that easy. This is a guy I loved for 3 years who consumed my life. I can't just give it up like that. We've been on and off for so many times but it's never entered my mind that one day we'll be off. We are so comfortable with each other and he is the reason that I am who I am today. Without him I'd probably be lying in a gutter somewhere.

So I don't know what to do. Do I just hang in there for another month? Since he's leaving next month and won't be back until August, that'll give me some time to think about everything. Or should I just break it off now? But I know if I break it off, Fast forward 8 months he'll be back and we'll go through the same thing again. I just don't know what to do...