The stranger Options

[wishforhelsinki]

I sat down, I've been sitting down for actually a while, for minutes, hours, God-knows-how-long, and I realized this as I jumped quickly to my feet, crossing my arms to warm myself as I suddenly noticed how cold it was. Someone had entered my quiet, desolate picture, I knew by the way their foot steps slowed down that they were going to change it. Something was going to be added in the picture and I had no idea how it was going to look like or how I would deal with it. And I heard a voice, "Nikki?"
"Yes." I said too quickly.
Someone appeared then, familiar, but I was still too into my train of thinking, muteness, to recognize them. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
He gave me a look that stated clearly he didn't believe this and asked, "Then why do I see a tear?"
I touched my hand to my cheek and sure enough felt the unwanted dampness on my face. I hadn't even realized I was crying until he pointed it out for me, which pointed out to him just by one glance. I wiped it off. "I don't know really. . ." I sniffed.
"Tell me." He said coming closer to stand by me, and he nudged my arm as if to say Go, keep going.
I sighed.
Then surprisingly, every word that I hadn't known was cooped up inside of my mind, my heart began to flow out to this stranger. He just stayed silent as ever, melted into the picture, listening and only encouraging me to go on with subtle Mhmmms and I sees. I told him how unsure I was all of the sudden, of my life. How just by a few words (a whole book actually) had affected my whole view on it, how I was living it and how I wished I was living it. And everything I've gone through the past few months.
"And," I continued, "I guess it was so unexpected. I just got this totally. . ." I struggled for the words, "amazing, exact feeling in my head like the girl had. And it was just so dead on about everything. I could relate to her in so many ways, you know? Not in, like, the stuff going on with her life, but the emotions she got from it. I just understood. The loss, the confusion, the devastation. . ." I looked up at him, he was looking at me, listening still.
"I know, stupid, right?"
"No." He told me. "Not even. I don't know how you feel, but I understand, Nikki." I listened closely to the words he tried to get through to me. Like there was another meaning to it and I had to decipher his words to get it. I met his eyes again, "I understand."
"Well," I said. But that was all I could say. I was speechless. Here was someone who didn't quite know, but yet knew. And he didn't judge me or put me down.
"This year is almost over, you can start all over again. You won't have to worry about that guy anymore, or anything. You can throw all of that away, and just start over. Tell yourself that next year, things are gonna change. You're gonna be happy again." He said slowly. "With someone else, someone better, worth your time, again. This time I felt the tears running down my face. I sat down again on the solid surface underneath me.
"Nikki? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am." I meant it. "Thank you. Thank you for just. . .knowing." I smiled up at him. The worried expression in his eyes changing. He smiled back, and I was taken back for a moment by how beautiful he was. How had I not seen it before?
"You're welcome."
I wanted to say something again, but I stopped half way. I wanted to say something, but I wanted to say his name first. And I couldn't.

I looked inside my mirror, rubbing my eyes under the fluorescent lights of my bathroom. Fully aware of myself crying, but unlike earlier when I didn't dare wipe them away, when I couldn't feel them streaking down my cheeks, staining them as they dried, able to feel the tears now. I thought about the picture I played in my head. My nameless friend. I wondered if it was possible that that had really happened in another world to me. "Thanks for knowing, I needed someone right now." I said aloud. "I'll meet you again, one day." And I jumped off the bathroom sink and walked back to my room, finished readying myself for the morning. And pulled out the journal I'd been given months ago. It's purpose was for writing down every memory of someone real, someone I loved. But now it would be about someone I'm still waiting to be sure is real.


Hi. This all really happened. About ten minutes ago. Thanks for reading.